I have a 77 year old friend I'll call Amy. She is estranged from most of her family and has a fraught relationship with her adult daughter, someone I've known since she was a toddler
Amy is very slowly working on E Of L documents, nothing is in place yet. She is a very as mart person with loads of friends and a supportive community, but:
1. She has a doctor who is always booked 10 months in advance.
2. She keeps getting locked out of the patient portal.
3. When she goes to Urgent Care, for whatever reason, things don't go well. It took 3 visits for someone to say "77 year old with a terrible cough, let's do a chest X-ray". She had pneumonia.
4.she has been weak and unable to get up and out for 18 days now. On antibiotics for the last 3 days
Give me your wisdom. What would you guys do?
And...
Get her a new doctor.
Interesting note, I saw one of her favorite pianists at Carnegie Hall this week and she told me about how this woman's career had been sidelined for a couple of years due to illness. I googled her and found at that she'd had complications from pneumonia (!).
Friend replied "yikes".
Maybe it'll be the wakeup call she needs.
People may not "mind" you and may not "do as you say" and as an RN I sure know they often won't, but your caring, your being there, your making the best attempt at guidance--what a gift. And then there's just this......chatting together. So..................
More of a gift is this very conversation. Chatting, you know. We are so alone so often. What a treasure is someone who will give us moments of their precious time. Just talk with us and make it seem that we matter just a bit to someone.
We are all trying help this woman see that the fact that she has two of these total fatigue episodes in 6 months might be indicative of something more systemic (like leukemia). But she is simply not listening/taking it in. Very sad
Thank you all for listening!
I have had a LOT of experience recently with getting emergency appointments with docs. Maybe it's because my mom was a medical secretary; I called NYU and they told me there was a 5 month wait to see a urologist. I called back, got the screener/secretary and told her that my DH, with a HX of kidney stones was peeing blood. He was seen the next day.
Thanks for the realty check. I told her to go to the ER last week. She is worried she'd have to wait. OY!!
If she goes in herself, yes, a lot of waiting.
Ambulances served first always, and esp if she says the word "chest pain".
My second step, if daughter says "Honestly Barb, this is on Mom. She has the same 911 number I do. If she feels she should go into emergency room then she should call EMS." Then I would call this friend and suggest she call EMS and go to the ER. Or let you check on how she feels daily. Ask her if she is eating and has ordered herself in some food.
I worry if she has no other friends closer than you are to tell she needs help, that at 77 she may be in a situations she cannot stay in? You know her better than us.
I would be very frightened, to tell the truth, to "step in here".
Today getting groceries in is as simple as going online, and if she needs more, I would not step into that Barb. I would suggest she calls EMS.
You honestly have enough on your plate.
I think I trust you. If you are comfortable intervening this one time, then do it. But if you believe you are likely setting yourself up for future trouble I think you know that as well, and I wouldn't do that.
By contrast, another friend, several years older who just did two rounds of antibiotics for pneumonia and is up and coming to exercise class, it going for a chest CT to make sure her pneumonia has cleared.
When asked if she thinks she should do some follow up she says "oh, I don't think I need more antibiotics".
There are some things you can't fix.
But if she is on antibiotics for 3 days only that means for 15 days she was in denial or neglecting her health.
She needs to take some responsibility, assuming she was unable to get up on day one or two, calling 911 would be prudent.
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