My dad was widowed 5 years ago. He owns his home (3 bed, 2 bath) and has lived independently. He is hesitant about moving back to his home state where my brothers and I live. I understand why, but am concerned about his health and have hinted that he come back home where we can look after him and still let him live independently in an apartment. Sometimes he agrees and sometimes he wants to stay. Should I push him to move back?
I had an uncle who lived in his own home until he was 98. A son who lived within a half-hour drive came over to bring groceries, etc. every week or so. Other family members who lived within a couple hours of him (including my father who was 13 years younger) would visit him when they could. (Although he hadn't bothered to renew his driver's license, he still drove the half-mile or so the post office to pick up his mail until he was about 97.) Finally, another son, living in another state, took him in, where he lived a month past his 100th birthday, needing more care the last few weeks. I was living some 400 miles away but I visited when I could, and he seemed content in his ranch-style home where he had lived over half a century, and he enjoyed sitting in his living room watching baseball games on TV. Other than being hard-of-hearing, he seemed okay mentally, and was able to walk without problems.
There are lots of caregiving situations that can work for your dad:
You can have dad move in with you or another family member. This would be the least expensive option. If he has some dementia or mobility issues, then living alone is probably not a good idea any more. Just be aware that many dementia sufferers progress in their disease to requiring 24/7 care.
In-home help: home health aides can clean house, prepare meals, transport dad to appointments, bathe, dress.... is the next least expensive option. My MIL can afford her caretakers because all her assets have been liquidated and added to finances from her late husband's life insurance. Unfortunately, this option was not affordable when he was alive since it required too much money and Hawaii is expensive.
Lastly, residential facilities are available in most towns. They are more expensive than in-home care. However, there are some that will take Medicare and Medicaid.
The moral to the story is you can’t force a move and yes it is better if they are nearby. Hopefully your dad will decide when it is time in a reasonable fashion. Do know your life will not be the same as you know it. But I can’t imagine handling all I had to with him 350 miles away. As hard as it was, I am glad he moved here.
He may come round and move, but he may not. He probably sees that he has issues, and isn't quite ready to accept them himself. It is all new to him too. If he was a care provider for his wife he may be all too familiar and doesn't want to put that burden on other family members.
Best of luck
It is difficult accepting that you are getting old and cannot care for yourself as you once did. Plus the whole moving thing (packing up, downsizing, moving to an apartment instead of a home as he is used to) is quite overwhelming for him, I'm sure.
Geriatric people living alone are often targets of home invaders, where they can get beaten up and killed. Hey this is the world we are living in now.
We live 3 hours away, but she does at least have a couple of neighbors who watch out for her. It's very frustrating, but nobody can force someone to make good decisions.