I want to get my mom moved into an assisted living facility. Because my initial plan upon her moving in was just providing a safe space where she could live as a roommate. Meaning she pitched in with household duties. She doesn’t have any physical health issues that would prevent her from doing that. She just chooses not to. And when I would ask she makes it seems as if it is too overwhelming for her. But it’s just one task which is sweeping. I try to assign her something small considering her mental illnesses which includes schizophrenia and depression. Everyone else does various tasks. She has a lot of nasty bad habits which are smoking heavily and the smell lingers in the house which I absolutely hate. I gag at the smell. Then she digs in her nose daily and pick scabs from her feet and leaves flakes on the couch. Which I wipe away. She hate the idea of living in assisted living because that is what my siblings were gonna send her before I stepped in and opened my home to her. But now I just think that would be the best decision. I just wanna bring up the idea to her again and get the process started because I don’t know how long it’ll take.
You have allowed your mother to move into your home. I cannot know what understanding the two of you had BEFORE this move. It will be either more or less difficult for you dependent on what those understandings were before the move.
I sure am wishing you every luck in all this. It won't be easy given your mother has some illnesses that make things more difficult for her in terms of adapting.
I looked at several places that I considered for my mom. My mom moved in with a sibling after many years of living with me.
You know that you are not happy with your living arrangements. Don’t wait until your frustration levels reach their peak to start looking at facilities.
Make a list of questions that are important to you. These were some of my questions.
Will mom be able to navigate easily around the building? Mom used a walker. I was told, yes and that someone would help her until she felt comfortable in her surroundings.
What if she doesn’t like the menu for that day? I expressed that my mom was very thin and the doctor did not want her losing weight. I was told that she would have other options and snacks were provided too.
Does the staff encourage socializing with other residents? If she chose to stay in her room for meals or to be alone would that be a problem? I was told that socializing is encouraged but privacy was respected as well.
They offer hair salon services, exercise classes, arts and crafts, walking paths outdoors, etc.
I would pick up brochures or have them mailed to you. After researching, I would narrow it down to one or two. Pick a convenient location if you hate driving too far.
I would tell her that you wish to live alone again. Make it about you so she can’t say, “What did I do to upset you?”
Show her that you found suitable places for her to live.
Have a deadline date picked out. Hopefully suggestions of places will alleviate anxiety of not knowing what is available.
You brought up her mental illness. Is that under control? Is she consistent with taking her meds?
Would she need medication reminders? The facility could help in this area too. Independent living would not offer assistance if needed.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
NIH.gov
download pdf: National Association of Area Agencies on Aging.
God Bless and Godspeed!
First find your facility. Then eat some humble pie and ask your siblings to support you in getting her moved in.
Who else lives in your home?
You have received good responses to your concerns.
Obviously you care about your mom.
I trust that you can turn this situation around and head towards the right direction so your mom can have a safe and stable future.
Wishing you all the best as you put your plan into action.
Move forth with confidence and faith that it will work out for your family. Be at peace with your decision.