Care causes decline and often death of spouse, destroys lives and savings of families and brings all kinds of depression exhaustion and indignities. We do not subject any other creatures to this. I would rather “pass” way before I needed this kind of “care.”
This is not compassion. I have never met a single person who says that is how he wants to spend his last years as a huge burden and not allowed to choose other ends. This is not compassionate and we never do this to other living creatures.
It’s not about that. It’s about our right to choose when and how we want to die if we face a painful death. I wish peaceful death’s opponents could have spent an hour in either of my 90+ year old parents’ presence as they begged to die while experiencing horrific deaths. That might have changed their minds.
If you are waiting for the day we will make a vet appointment to have our elders put down, that day will not come for human beings.
We certainly are CLOSER now to having control over our OWN choices regarding death and dying. But we've a long way to go.
Reading the Forum today proves your point in terms of collective heartbreak.
Your post would do well in the "discussions" section where it will resurface periodically more often. Best to you.
I hate seeing him like this and just wish he would finally die. And I am petrified that this could be what is in store for me.
He may be alive but this is not living.
People need the right to choose, cancer, dementia, heart disease with no cure, no future, only pain and depression what is the point?
The point is money and religious beliefs, they would prefer that someone lives in hell rather than let them go and be at peace.
Back in the day, you'd have had a major medical crisis, linger for a month or so, then die. That happened as recently as the 1940s, but now there's a pill for everything.
My mother had pleural effusion in 2014 and had to have her chest cavity drained five times in just a few months. That put her into CHS, a-fib, and I believe it began her vascular dementia. She went in the hospital taking two medications and came out on eight.
That fistful of pills kept her going for another seven years, but to what end? Her quality of life went consistently downhill from that point on, as did that of my dad who cared for her. As it so often turns out, he died first, and I'm certain the stress of her care contributed to it. She went on to live another 2.5 years in a nursing home oblivious to those who loved her.
Two months before Mom died, my cat started having trouble breathing. I took her to the vet who said her chest cavity was full of fluid, and she was experiencing heart failure. The vet said she could drain the fluid and we could give her meds for her heart and LASIX, for crying out loud.
I said, "We've done all that to my mother, but I will not do it to my kitty," and we put her to sleep.
The irony of my mom and cat having the same issues, and my mom being forced to suffer is beyond belief.
The only thing the doctor does is give a competent person the medication. The patient takes the med on their own.
Only 11 States allow Medical aid, California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.
We don't let Dementia ruin families. Families ruin families. Family members who r causing dissension because they won't admit a problem. Don't want to be involved and leaving it up to one person to do all the work. Children not being able to let go and placing a parent. Siblings trying to save their inheritance but leaving it up to other siblings to do the work and then not acknowledging the work that sibling did. If families worked together instead of fighting each other, things could go more smoothly.
Dementia has always been here but because more people are living longer, you see it more. Modern medicine has caused the problem. Cholesterol and plaque in the artieries used to be called hardening of the arteries. My grandfather had this problem. He died at the age of 68 in 1966 from a stroke. Statins not indroduced till 1986. Statins have been proven to contribute to Dementia. As has hormone replacement therapy, both my Mom took. Alcohol, smoking, illegal drugs and the way we eat will cause problems with Dementia. Its been said the "baby boomer" generation will not live as long as our parents generation because of the processed and fast food we eat. We have a lot of obese people. We r an unhealthy country.
My wife suffers from Lewy Body dementia -- has been going on five years. She fights the fight with grace every single day. And my role as husband (42 years) and caregiver will continue until God decides to take her -- or me.
I pray you will find peace in whatever lies ahead for you.
The CEO of my company for some of the time I worked there (he was retired) ended his life by jumping from the balcony of his high-rise apartment. He had been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. It was truly horrible, think of the police officers and EMTs that had to respond to that. He was a successful, intelligent, powerful person in his prime. But apparently he felt this was his only way out of an intolerable future.
He took the elevator down to his basement area locker, retrieved his 357, and shot himself in the head.
Six weeks later, a resident with a similar fate launched himself from the roof.
It doesn’t even have to be a senior citizen. Look at how many people are parents to children that have severe special needs. I have seen amazing parents who were able to cope and I have seen parents who have fallen apart from the pressure.
How can anyone really know how they will react until they are in this situation themselves? It’s a touchy subject.
Stephen Hawking lived an extremely fulfilling life and had an incredible career. He married and had children. Divorced and fell in love again, ironically, with his caregiver.
So, it’s all about one’s perspective. We can’t make these blanket statements because they don’t apply to everyone.
If we absolutely know how we feel about these things, we can legally sign documents that say we don’t want our lives prolonged. Hopefully, we have advocates who will follow through with our wishes and so on.
If we don’t live in a state that allows us to have assisted suicide then we don’t have many options.
Each person with dementia is a unique puzzle with missing pieces that can not be solved . Families are not prepared for that .
It is very sad. I see my mother very slowly dying, her mind faster than her body. It has devoured any financial security as we have spent nearly half a million of savings for her to lay in bed, a husk of who she was.
The positive thing is that it has taught me to savor every day and celebrate being alive and capable. I have also detailed my wishes so that neither my kids nor my husband will seek extensive or excessive treatment if ever required, especially if the outcome could result in becoming permanently incapacitated.
Viking culture thought this to be an act of compassion. We don't do that anymore.
I think pretty much every person who ever lived hoped they would pass before needing the kind of "care" you're talking about.
It's not so much that we don't subject other creatures to the indignities. Animals get horribly abused around the world. Also, in past times a person usually died before diseases like dementia could reduce them to total invalids.
You don't get to decide what the world and the law considers compassion and care. What do you propose we do with all the elderly people who are depressed, invalids, or just ruining the lives of their family members?
A human being should be allowed to have their life ended under certain circumstances. People not suffering from dementia now should be allowed to make an Advanced Directive about when they want their lives ended and under what circumstances.
This is not allowed yet.
So in the meantime all we can do is they best we can with out elderly population needing care.
I will say that in most cases the person WITH dementia is not the one "suffering" . In most cases they are "blissfully" unaware of what is going on. It is the family that deals with the day to day care. It is the family that is seeing the assets dwindle as the cost of care increases.
It is not just Dementia but other chronic and terminal illness that people are diagnosed with. The doctors that continuously order tests and treatments when the possibility of "cure" is non existent. Focus on QUALITY of life over Quantity should be taught in Medical Schools. There should be focus on Hospice Care as a viable option not just a few hours in a class.
As consumers we should expect honesty from our doctors.
And we should be honest with family at what point do we not want to be "saved"
CPR...breaks ribs, cracks the sternum and probably punctures 1 or both lungs .
Tube feeding.. unless there is a chance for recovery this can cause more harm than good.
IV's for hydration and nutrition..again unless there is a chance for recovery this will probably cause more harm than good.
Intubation..Unless there is a chance for recovery this also is not necessary. (unless the person is an organ donor if there is no chance for recovery all attempts should stop. And most elderly are not organ donors)