Both in their 80s and my father has dementia. I'd like to learn about how to take care of my elderly parents, like whats best for them to eat, what to do if they choke, how to help them up after a fall (without injury) , how to prevent deterioration etc...are there classes anywhere to learn these things?
It does not get better and you can't slow it down.
You are in for a ride if you are trying to do this with two parents by yourself.
I won't ask why you'd do that, but you might do yourself a favor by understanding where help can come from because you are going to need it.
Get in touch with your area agency on aging and make them your new best friend. They can connect you to services and agencies you're going to need to use.
This site is an encyclopedia of information as well. There are a lot of very experienced people here who will give it to you straight.
Some things to consider - if you get hurt, what is the plan? Shoulder & back injuries are very common with caregivers. If their needs increase beyond what you can handle, what is the plan? When they will need overnight care - and they will - what is the plan? Some parents will absolutely not behave for their adult children, and this can interfere with being able to provide care. Need to have an option if that happens.
I'm not saying you can't do it, but don't feel like a failure if it's more than you thought or can physically do at some point. We see so many people here who come in crisis because something changed overnight and they can't handle it anymore, and have not looked into any options or didn't expect change.
In addition to learning safety and first aid techniques, I would read a lot about the mental burnout of caretakers. It's not just losing sleep, constantly cleaning, changing diapers, locating things they have hidden, convincing them to take medication, refusing baths, etc., but it's also constant repeating, aggression, wandering, crying and resistance to care. I would find out about how you can get help from outside sources to come into the home and assist you. I would also have a backup plan. If you need to be with one of them in the hospital, who will stay in the home and care for the other one? And what if you get sick or disabled? I'd have several backup plans.
Begin itemizing their financial and legal records, assess their finances, create budgets for home care, and get a good handle on what finances are available.
Create a medical history for both, listing insurance information and account numbers, contact number(s) for you and any other relatives, significant surgeries and medical conditions, pacemaker data (if appropriate), contact information for their physicians and relevant parental information if either of their parents had cardiac, pulmonary, cancer and other medical issues.
Investigate medical alert pendants for backup protection when you're gone. Get a lockbox (not the kind with the inverted U-shaped lock, but one that screws directly into the studs adjacent to the front door) to hide a key to the home in the event that EMS needs to come and you're not there to open the door.
Start going to local community as well as the annual Area Aging on Aging Caregiver Expos, collect literature from the various exhibitors and keep on hand (indexing or cataloguing is a good method) for when you might need assistance.
Investigate activities at senior centers and local libraries, and learn about transportation options as well.
You may have it easier because both of your parents are there. They can keep each other company and buffer the effect that the other has on you.
I took care of my father with mixed dementia and my mother with VaD. Emotionally it was very stressful, but the work wasn't all that much. There were a lot of doctor appointments for my mother, grocery shopping, meal prep, and house cleaning, but it was manageable. The only horrible time was when my father died, since I ended up being responsible for all the technicalities and execution of the will.
The only really difficult thing for me to handle was my mother's self-obsession. That makes everything 100x more difficult. If you don't have that type of problem, it should be okay. Just learn about Alzheimer's and don't worry about saving them from old age. They've not found a miracle cure yet. Your parents will help guide you in what they need.
For any type of dementia, the Alzheimer's Association is a wonderful resource. Your local chapter (whether they are affiliated with this association or the Alzheimer's Foundation of America) will be a huge support. They can likely send out a social worker for an evaluation.
There are therapists who can help with swallowing issues and other problems that you run into. Ask for help from the neurologist who diagnosed your father's dementia for suggestions and go to www.aging.gov. On this great new government site you'll find your state and from there you'll see your state's resources. We finally have one site for all states even though all states don't have the same services. It's very useful.
The fact that you are asking for help now speaks well for the future. Know when you can't do it alone and hire in-home care or consider assisted living or a nursing home if necessary. Doing so doesn't mean that you are giving up. It simply means that you are looking for the best options for your family situation.
Many people can handle it all through the end, but others have different situations where they can't. And even people who keep their elders in their home for life need outside help in some form.
Read through the categories on agingcare on a regular basis as your needs and interests will evolve with your parents' issues. You'll find many helpful articles that can point you in the right direction.
Please keep in touch with us. This group on agingcare will help. There's almost always someone who has had the same issue that you will be dealing with. Peer support is a huge help.
We all wish you the best and will help when we can,
Carol
For anyone who hasn't found a support group in their area, alz.org also has a list of support groups. It may take a little digging to find it on their site, but they are there. I have been attending a group for the last three years. One of the services that our particular group has is someone who will work with the Alzheimer's patient while the caregiver attends the meeting. It is a wonderful chance to exchange information and give much needed support when things get overwhelming. Our group meets once a month. You can learn a lot from talking with others who are going through some of the same experiences.
Lilymoon, as you go through your learning experience, please share some of the things you learn along the way. I think we could all use more useful information.
Carol
Your wish to learn about care is commendable. You local library might have DVDs that explain Alzheimer's, some more in detail than others. It is important to learn all that you can to understand what actually happens to the brain such as shrinkage and holes in the tissue.
The Alzheimer's Association has 24/7 counselors who can help you get started and are there when you have a crisis or just don't know what to do. Contact them sooner rather than later because they know of all the resources you may need.
To prevent your own health from deteriorating try using basic vitamin therapy which can prevent exhaustion. At the very least Vitamin B-Complex, extra B 12, and especially Vitamin D3 which is deficient in the typical diet.
As a professional in the field I suggest the same vitamins for my clients with aging and cognition problems. They have proven to be very helpful and my clients' families have seen positive changes for their loved ones.
A little book which might be available at your library but definitely from Amazon
(about $14):
100 Things You Can Do to Prevent Alzheimer's is so small, easy to read, and provides easy solutions. The author spoke to medical doctors and researchers to learn more and in fact those same professionals do these things themselves.
Everything that is suggested is also good for elders with or without Alzheimer's or other dementias.
Good luck!