My mother is in an ALF (4 days now), and is already saying the food is horrible, and I can hear in her voice that the worse is yet to come. I’m expecting any day for her to say, “you’ve got to get me out of this place”. She has early onset dementia, was having constant meltdowns, and is having symptoms of sundowners. Any suggestions on what to say to her when this happens?
So accept that this cannot be a happy time. And tell her you are sorry it is hard for her. Tell her that there are no options for her leaving. Tell her you hope that things will change and she will be easier with where she is staying.
You will be having to hear these complaints. In all truth, you just aren't a good senior if you don't complain about the food in AL. It is a pre requisite.
No she is not happy. No she will not BE happy. That is the norm to work from. You don't have to be happy about the fact she isn't happy, either. It is painful to see. But it is a fact that cannot be changed. So the sooner that both of you come to acceptance that happy isn't here right now, the better. As long as she sees you waffling and uncomfortable she will ramp it up, because it might work.
OId folks aren't happy, as a rule. They're not happy in ALFs with 3 meals a day served to them and lots of activities, outings and entertainment, and they're not happy at home with nothing to do, no entertainment and no activities. So we've chosen option number 1 which provides unhappiness but SAFETY, vs. Option 2 which provides unhappiness and DANGER. I'm sorry its come down to this, mother, but advanced old age is no day in the park.
Best of luck!