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Mom is in a memory care facility. She is very frail and is often confused and forgetful. Twice in the past she may have been hit by a couple of residents. These incidents were not witnessed by anyone else. Director stated we cannot know what actually happened.


Now another resident hit he with his open hand, in front of my sister and other witnesses.


I live in another state and have her medical POA.


I have waited a couple of days for a report of what happened and what they plan to do to prevent this from happening again.


Mom has been there about 18 month. I wonder if I should move her to another facility. Beyond these three incidents, we have been satisfied with the facility and staff.

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Personally I would Move My Mom to another facility - Unless they can expel this Man who hit your Mom .
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Reply to KNance72
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You should definitely look at a few other facilities to move your mother to. Also, talk to the state's Ombudsman. Tell them that your mother has been hit multiple times and that you and your sister personally witnesses a male resident hit her in front of you (it would have been within your rights to physically defend her). If the Ombudsman has their act together and does their job, they will get on this facility hard for it.

There is supposed to be staff at the memory care to prevent violence against other residents from happening. Director says they can't be "sure" what happened, my a$$. Here's one thing that you can be sure of. The memory care does not have enough security staff (or likely any) to patrol and watch the areas where the residents have access to. They also do not have cameras in the common areas. There should be security footage that will show exactly what happened. The fact that your mother was assaulted right in front of you is pretty strong evidence of the facility's gross incompetence as far as safety and security measures go.

You should talk to a personal injury lawyer about a potential lawsuit being brought against the facility. There are two kinds of people who get a care facility to clean up its act. Those people are Ombudsmans and lawyers.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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You have enough red flags, move her ASAP - this is at least the third incident that you know of, it isn't a one time thing that came without warning.
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Reply to cwillie
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Your Medical POA has nothing to do with how Mom is treated in MC. Who is her POA? Your sister had the right to say something to the DON and Administrator. This man is aggressive and should not be in MC unless medicated for this aggression. Call the police and see if you can report it. Assault is assault.

Medical POA means you carry out Moms wishes. You talk to the doctors and nurses concerning medical treatment. If a procedure has to be done not covered in the Medical POA, then you decide based on "what would Mom want". But, IMO, Mom getting slapped by a fellow resident could be handled by the Financial POA since that person is paying the bills and should be responsible in transferring Mom. Your sister could have filed a complaint being a witness and called the police. A resident hitting other residents should not be allowed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'd call the police and report the ...ASSAULT !!!
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Reply to Pyrite
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NYDaughterInLaw Jul 2, 2024
It doesn't work that way with people who are in memory care. The police are not going to haul away a demented person.
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I live in NY state. When one of the residents became violent like that the family had to move him out of the facility. I think first he left the memory care floor for another floor but check the rules at the nursing home. Being abused by anyone is not to be tolerated and if the facility is not reporting it, that alone is something you should report and yes, seek another place. I also agree the Ombudsman should be called. I believe you can arrange an emergency meeting with the staff. I am sorry your mother has to go through this. My own mother used to say, “ We struggle to come into this world and we struggle to go out.”
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Reply to NadineAnne
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One of them has to go. I'd opt to get the other violent resident to go if you are otherwise satisfied with this facility.
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Reply to Geaton777
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If the head nurse, resident advisor or social worker at your mom's care facility isn't acting or responding, then speak with the Ombudsman for the facility. They have to tell you who their ombudsman is-usually there are signs posted around the facility. The ombudsman is a highly trained volunteer who can help on your mother's behalf. Best wishes.
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Reply to DianaFS
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MargaretMcKen Jul 6, 2024
The ombudsman may be a volunteer in your location, but I'm surprised. Here the ombudsman is a public servant who has NO boss and is independent. I can't see how an ombudsman works out without government backing.
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Move her
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Reply to Jenny10
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Get an attorney to write a letter to the director of the facility stating the facts of what your sister witnessed and requesting an explanation of what they will do to protect your mother. The director will have to get the facility's legal team involved. Why should your mother be the one to have to move and suffer all that change and upset?
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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Funcountess Jul 2, 2024
If there are people witnessing a problem, then I hope something can be done, BUT if no one is around, the director of a facility, does NOTHING.
I’ve been in many facilities, and can say most are the same. Best to have in home caregiving.
most facilities have a RN, but from what I saw most are paid to keep their mouth shut.
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I think the “call the cops” folks would be singing a different tune if their loved one had been the aggressor. People with dementia are not “choosing violence”—their brains are malfunctioning.
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Reply to MissesJ
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MiaMoor Jul 2, 2024
I do agree. A person with dementia isn't responsible.
However, the facility is responsible and I wonder if calling the police could help with ensuring that the care facility protects the residents, including the one who has become violent.
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More common than you might think.You can ask the facility to keep your mom separated from that person.Unfortunatley she may not understand why.
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Reply to Bubba12345
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A police call can't do the facility any good.. Publicity about violent residents would spread like wildfire.
I would still advise to make a police report. Get it on record.
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Reply to Pyrite
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CRAIGLL: Move your mother to another facility as soon as possible.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Not sure other facilities would be any different. All you can do is report the incident, but the facilities director loves to keep the peace, they most likely will not do much.
having relatives sometime ago in facilities , I can see how they operate.
have you tried 6 bed board and care?
I think they are a little better, but not much.
probably the best is in home care.
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TouchMatters Jul 3, 2024
While I do not know much about board and care, I believe they are 'usually' run by one person or perhaps a couple, sharing their home with residents.
I believe most do not have additional aids / staff. Thus, they would have much less ability to watch 'everyone' whereas facilities have management and usually two people on the floor.

All this needs to be checked out. I would contact the licensing board(s) of these places and read the contract's fine print.

I would also ask for referrals (likely they won't give).
I would ask to observe the facility / area. I am not sure this is allowed (to be present observing).

Ask a lot of questions.

Ask if the facility has been reported to the licensing board or BBB, or state. Talk to an Ombudsman in the area.

And, perhaps there is a Next Door in one's area / location or some local forum (or church) where others may have family in a specific facility / bb to discuss/ gain some information.

Gena / Touch
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While disturbing, I'm sure this is pretty common. I think the facility should be asked what they are going to do to prevent the aggressive one from continuing to hit your mom (or other residents as well). Some calming meds could be in order for them to keep the rest of the residents safe.
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Reply to againx100
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Write everything down to document from your point of view to have a tracking.
Discuss with administrator; I realize you are waiting for a report and you may have a clearer understanding of how to proceed once you read it.
Although you might also want to ask the administrator/manager in dept how often these things happen and how they handle it.
Is the facility required to report these incidents to any authority (I think they are).

Contact licensing board that oversees the facility if you feel this is warranted. At the very least, they should be made aware of what's happened.

Who witnessed the first incident as you say there weren't any witnesses?
You cannot depend on your mom to tell you what happened.

I am not 'sure' legally how these situations are handled (as I believe) memory care units indicate they 'offer' care/services to a group and not specifically to individuals on a 1-1 resident-staff ratio. In other words, they are not offering to observe / watch / monitor every resident 24/7, nor when the group is in the common area 'all at one time.'

I am not excusing this behavior or lack of attentiveness of staff.
It is a matter of what is covered legally and how the facility administrator handles these situations.

These unfortunate situations can often happen very quickly and if there are two staff workers on the floor with 8-10 residents ... and they are making / serving lunch or taking a resident to the bathroom - they cannot be watching everyone 'at once.'

It seems to me that if this occurred more than once that the person(s) inflicting physical harm or a physical action that could cause emotional or physical harm/pain on another resident needs:

1) a personal caregiver, in addition to the staff, and
2) medication assessment/management,
3) or both.

I am sad this happened to your mom, and more than once.
It is heartbreaking.

Let us know how you proceed. It is an important 'topic' / area of concern for many on this forum.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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CalGal43 Jul 3, 2024
My husband with dementia is in a 6-bed board and care in California. State licensing requires a minimum of two caregivers at all times. By contrast, for example, the 33-bed facility I looked at has a state-required ratio of one caregiver to every eight residents.

For a short time there was a resident who was aggressive and angry who once pushed another resident and her husband down, resulting in a broken vertebrae in the husband’s back. He had to be moved to another facility and has just been removed from that facility as well as a result of his violent behavior.

That’s the very short version, the point being that there are strict regulations and procedures to assure patient safety. Become familiar with your state regulations.
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My MIL was IN a "home." A home in a neighborhood I was reluctant to even park my car.
One "resident" was a stiff old guy who had to be BALANCED ACROSS THE ARMS OF THE WHEELCHAIR where they kept him.
Was she happy?
NO, but she was afraid of the daughter who stuck her in there.
A purely mean "female" who only wanted.....

TO KEEP COST DOWN !!!

Her other daughter (my wife) wanted to move her....but the MIL was scared of the rotten sister.

"CARE" home licensing can be a gravy train for irresponsible immigrants who figure out how to ........"qualify".... and PROFIT !!
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Reply to Pyrite
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I’m impressed with Burnt’s comments at the beginning of the thread, about what the facility should be doing to (at least) monitor a resident who slaps another resident.

But I am wondering – if the ‘violent’ resident is moved out of the facility, where do they go? Are drugs the only answer?
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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