My dad left my mom with a lot of money when he passed 10 years ago. She shouldn’t need to do anything to make money. Just to spend wisely. She is now 69 and met a 55 yr old man. The man worked part time at a farm type store when they met. Well he got fired, and he drinks 32 cans of beer and mixed drinks a day. He started flirting with her when he came over to help with home repairs. She stopped going to church, started drinking with him. She pays for his insurance and everything else. He is talking to her about investments with her money. Anyone who speaks up - she says doesn’t like them and she cuts them off from communication. They met 2 months ago and plan to marry in the summer. She won’t hear of a prenup neither. Afraid he will leave her poor and alone. I don’t feel that there is anything I can do. Otherwise I’ll be out of her life too. And at least I’m in it right now. Any advice is welcomed.
She said that she knew it would kill evil because of zombies program she had watched.
So be careful what you do. I know how terribly wrong this situation can go.
Hugs!
And I think her dog helped pull him off as well.
I live 3 hours away. I think he stays too drunk to drive that far without wrecking or getting pulled over
But yes. It is best to be aware of my surroundings
Thanks. I appreciate that. I am glad too. She was really scared. I think she still looks over her shoulder but it’s better.
He became abusive even to her dog. He threw something really hard and hit him in the eye, the dog started crying and she took him to the vet. Poor dog is now blind in one eye. Detached retina.
have an official document to show both Mom and low-life guy the facts. The odds are he will disappear knowing you "have it all" and are serious about involving the law. It will be the best investment you have ever made.
incompetent, she can make any ill advised choice she desires. Talking to her about prenups and trust lawyers may fall on deaf ears. Calling the police seems like an extremely bad move unless this man has been physically abusive. Even then, abused spouses often refuse to report abuse. Unfortunately we cannot control our elder parent's choices as they could not control our teenage follies!
Have you seek legal advise? Not sure anything can be done but there is so much at stake!
Good luck🙏🏼
Your mother met this man two months ago. She knew nothing about him before and moved in completely different social circles.
You also state about him: This man has many DUI, divorce, bankruptcy, he can’t hold a job, drinks all the time, oh and he is also in a 5 yr relationship with another woman his age.
So how come everyone else knows that about him but your mother doesn't? Where has this information come from?
Get good legal advice
Get good medical advice. Should a woman of your mother's age be getting testosterone shots? You need to check with a doctor if they could be affecting her ability to make decisions. Tell your doctor you are worried about your mother's ability to maintain medical care going forward.
If you can hire a good private detective and get her or him on this man's case. In the meantime google this man. If he has a facebook profile with pictures on it run the pictures through tineye.com. There are websites dedicated to romantic scammers so you might put his description up there and check him out
Also alert the police to the fact that he drives drunk. Tell him you are concerned about him driving your mother around while he is drunk. Give them the description of the car and ask them to keep a look out for him.
If your mother has been influenced so much in 2 months it would raise suspicions in the minds of many about her decision making abilities.
That was only part of the reason she broke up with him. He became jealous, suicidal, abusive, he threatened to kill her. She ended up having to get restraining order he got so crazy.
But he was absolutely charming at first! That is how they bait women.
Thanks for giving a professional perspective on this topic. It crossed my mind. People with a nasty character like this man has wouldn’t care if he was spreading a disease or not. It’s awful that people do that. They don’t care about taking advantage of a vulnerable person and hurting them in more ways than just taking their money, which by itself is horrible.
I feel you did the right thing to go to the police.
Watch your back though. Desperate people do desperate things. My daughter had to get a restraining order against an ex.
When the police are called out- sometime he’s been hiding in the bedroom- because he’s too drunk to be seen. However it’s also not illegal to be drunk in your own home either. So no, they are not able to help with the root of the issue. Just the immediate one
its crazy how someone who has never drank before can instantly become a drunk. Like they get drunk every single night. They just don’t have a glass of wine or the such.
I called APS today and filled a report.
Im not sure what can be done
or how long it takes. Yes I hung up the phone not thinking to ask that question.
I feel like I’m watching Dateline
My heart aches and my nerves are shot
Do your best to protect her [in all the ways ppl have suggested!] Let us know how it goes!
More power to you!!
If after meeting and talking to him a few times, you “see all you need too” go, in person to local police, tell them the situation, they may not be able to help, may tell you who can. but being aware, they know, If you need them, it’s done.
After you have knowledge, don’t share it with your mom, share it with him. If it’s not appealing, he’ll start lying, if she says something, her safety is at risk. He already sees her as a victim. The sad thing, this happens at all ages.
Some of this may sound very goofy, but this situation is not and is exactly what TV shows and movies are made from. If you explore all roads and do everything you can think of to stop this guy and things still move forward with the marriage, then you can walk away knowing you did everything you could to protect your mom.
Most states have a department that deals with Scamming the Elderly. Find help now, before it is too late.
young women, with 2 fatherless kids, no love or money, future of family. More lying boyfriends.
“Too late” the two most important words here.
If you mom starts going down the path of dementia and cannot take care of herself and this lowlife has taken her money and is gone, you as family will most likely be responsible if anything happens to her. In otherwords you will end up with legal problems, if harm comes to her.
What I would do is get with an attorney and see if he can draft a legal paper that your mom has to sign that states the situation that you have described and that you will NEVER be responsible for her under any circumstances. Once it is drawn up, ask the attorney how it is to be signed, e.g. in front of him or in front of any witness. This document might even be in a form similar to a divorce.
The next thing I would do is go to the office of the chief of police and ask if you could have a private conversation with him/her. You might need to make an appointment but do it. Don’t just talk with a clerk. Explain the situation to the chief and ask him/her if he/she would keep a copy of the document on file, so if there is a problem down the road, they will have it on file and you can remind them of it and the conversation. The chief will also want to run a check on this guy. You can do something similar by going to www.beenverified.com.
In short, at this point it is a matter of protecting yourself; not your mom. At her age now, it is not a big deal. Give it 10 to 15 years, and you have a big problem, if you have not protected yourself. If she has a problem and the police come to your door, you get out the signed document and explain to them that you are not legally responsible for her and politely ask them to leave and speak with the chief of police, as the document is on file. Again...protect YOU now.
If your mom signs the legal document, it might give her pause to think. If she refuses to sign it, go back to the attorney for advice. This could end up in court, but you have to protect yourself!
If you are in a situation to be able to move out if state, do it. If things go bad for your mom, and they will, don’t fall for cries. She’s an adult, and you will have given her plenty of opportunity to see the light.
I was very close to my mom who died from Alzheimer’s. I was her caregiver for a very long time, as in 20 years. Had anything like you are experiencing happened to my mom, my two “associates” would have made sure the “boyfriend” disappeared. (Not a joke. I respect the police, but sometimes their hands are tied...mine are not.)
You must take care of yourself. Quickly!
Regarding the testosterone - that could be part of the problem. I was told I had low testosterone and doctor was suggesting shots or patch but I resisted. Another doctor told me to never be persuaded to do that. Hormones can make people crazy - as women we all know that.