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Is there help for and individual that refuses to wear a pamper at night? But will do a BM in his briefs and remove it and create a mess especially at night his whole bedding has to be washed every day! Is there medicine that can make it better?

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Ur brother needs to be placed. His wife should have placed him if she could not take care of him and u can' blame her. This is not ur responsibility.

"Another brother who I also make sure he is taken care of by way of grocery shopping, medicine being delivered, taking him to drs appointments, laundry trips to laundromat." There is Senior bussing that can take this brother shopping and to appts. Medicine can be dlvrd by the pharmacy. Are you the sister? Just because ur are the girl does not mean you are the Caregiver.
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Hi babyofsevenleft,

This is a delicate subject and needs diligence and patience to deal with. Here is an excerpt from my recent book Dementia Care Companion, available from Amazon:


Incontinence Overnight
Incontinence is especially stressful at night, as it disturbs the patient’s and the caregiver’s sleep. You can make the experience less stressful by planning ahead to make the process of changing sheets, clothes, and underpads streamlined and easier.
Plan Ahead
With the right precautions in place, nighttime incontinence episodes are usually handled quickly, often by simply changing the patient’s pajamas and underpads.
·        Cover the patient’s mattress with a waterproof mattress cover.
·        For added protection, put a large underpad under the bed sheet, and another one over the bed sheet.
·        When putting the patient to bed, roll up the back of their pajama top above their hips so if the underpad gets wet, their pajama top remains dry.
·        Keep all the necessary supplies in the patient’s bedroom for easy access. You’ll need spare pajamas, underpads, sheets, a wastebasket, latex gloves, baby wipes, and paper towels.
·        In case of fecal incontinence, wear two latex gloves on each hand. After the initial wiping, discard the outer gloves to prevent contaminating clean items. With the outer gloves discarded, you still have a pair of clean gloves on to complete the cleaning process.

Use Appropriate Sleepwear

My dad is incontinent. During the day, my mom takes him to the bathroom at regular intervals. At night, he wears diapers and pajamas to bed, but we find him naked and totally wet in the morning.

Nighttime can be especially confusing for the patient. They may wake up feeling the need to go to the bathroom and may even manage to undress in time, only to forget what to do next. Or, they may think that they are already in the bathroom and relieve themselves in bed.
·        Early on, convenient sleepwear such as loose-fitting T-shirt and pull-up pants can help simplify bathroom visits at night. Over time, additional measures such as incontinence pads and shorts, or adult diapers will become necessary.
·        Eventually, simple pajamas or pull-up pants may become impractical because the patient may keep removing them. If so, have the patient wear a one-piece sleepwear, or union suit, so they cannot undress easily at night.

Watch for Signs of Discomfort

My father wears a one-piece jump-suit to bed, but somehow still manages to pull out his diaper in the middle of the night.

Wearing a diaper for long hours can get uncomfortable. The patient may feel hot in the diaper, or may have skin rash or other irritation. Other potential causes of discomfort include constipation, urinary tract infection, or enlarged prostate.

Approach behavioral issues by trying to discover and eliminate the root causes of the problem.
·        Does the diaper get hot at night?
·        Does the patient’s skin show signs of irritation, rash, scratches, or insect bites?
·        Is the patient constipated? The associated feeling that they need to go to the bathroom can make the patient try to undress.
·        Does the patient have urinary tract infection? UTI is associated with burning sensation and frequent urination.
·        Does the patient suffer from an enlarged prostate? An enlarged prostate does not allow the bladder to empty completely, leaving the patient with a persistent feeling that they need to go to the bathroom.
Behavioral issues are often clues to underlying discomfort. Approach them as opportunities to identify and resolve the pain that the patient may be suffering in silence. Stay vigilant to notice them at first sign, and spring into action to relieve the patient’s discomfort quickly and effectively.
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Babyofsevenleft: He needs to wear anti strip clothing. Perhaps he needs to see his gastroenterologist. I do understand that he suffers from dementia. He also needs to be in a managed care facility.
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In the meantime, try this trick that I told my daughters when they had babies. Make up the bed with a waterproof mattress cover and sheet. Cover it with another waterproof mattress cover and sheet. That way, at least, during the night you only have to strip off the top layer to get the bed clean.
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JoAnn29 Dec 22, 2023
Great suggestion.
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What you all are doing as a family is commendable but it is not sustainable.
Your brother needs 24/7/365 care.
You need to look at placing him in Memory Care.
I am one of the first to say "I want to keep my LO at home" but when I said it I added.. As long as it was safe for ME and as long as it was safe for HIM. When it becomes more of a burden physically, emotionally that is when you have to say enough.

You can TRY placing a pair of regular underwear over the disposable brief.
There are adult "onesies" that he would have more difficulty getting off.

But I think as a family you need to have a serious discussion on all the "what next" scenarios.
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AlvaDeer Dec 17, 2023
Great ideas to try, and I so agree with the final outcome being the necessity of considering long term care.
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What if you put disposable brief on him and then a real brief over the disposable so it looks like a real brief?
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Try ABRI forms disposable briefs. Or other ones in market. Find one that looks like a regular brief..

or try a pad in his regular brief.

i don’t like threatening, but tell him if he doesn’t wear a disposable brief at night, you have no choice but to place him in a home. Which sounds like that’s more appropriate
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Your brother can no longer live independantly.

Siblings providing care (by moving into his home or visiting) is a temporary care solution for a long term care need.
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Throw out all his cloth underwear. Have him wear an anti-strip suit.
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Fawnby Dec 17, 2023
He won’t wear disposable briefs. What would convince him to get into the anti-strip suit? I’m assuming he’d be noncompliant with that too. Is there a trick to it or a method of getting it on him that is less objectionable to a patient? I’m not familiar with these suits.
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Time for a facility, this is not going to get better.
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Your brother needs to go to a memory care or SNF facility . He can not be alone .
This is too much for you to handle.
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olddude Dec 16, 2023
I agree. The second a caregiver is cleaning pee and poop off of the floor of the home is the second that phone calls to AL facilities need to be made.
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Tell him he's sleeping outside from now on so that he can sh*t on the grass.
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LoopyLoo Dec 16, 2023
I like you! 😆
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I put a depends on my mom when I put her to bed, but 9 times out of 10 she will remove it in her sleep. When she gets up to use the toilet she will leave a trail of urine and sometimes BM smears on the sheets. I have not found a way to prevent it short of duct taping the depends on her, which I don't think would work, since she needs to get up and use the toilet. I have removed rugs from her path and deal with cleaning it up in the morning.
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You need to dress your brother in a one piece anti strip suit available on Amazon. Underneath the suit, you put a disposable adult brief on him like a Depends. Here is a link:

https://a.co/d/ilLccA7

Pampers are baby diapers. He will be unable to get to the brief and remove it. If he's being left alone at home, he needs to be placed in managed care now bc it's unsafe to leave a person with dementia of this caliber alone. You can apply for Medicaid if there are no personal funds available to pay for his care. You are only one person and not Superwoman.

Good luck to you
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You must throw away ALL of his "briefs" and replace them with his new underwear Depends.
And please don't call them Pampers as he's not a baby. Just call them his new underwear.
My late husband too didn't want to wear Depends, though he needed them terribly, so I had to throw away his old underwear and replace them with his "new" underwear Depends.
Good luck.
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Just read your profile. You have a lot on your plate.

Honestly, I don’t know how you can keep up this pace. Have you considered placement for your brother?

You’re expecting too much from him and too much from yourself. He has Alzheimer’s disease and many other ailments.

This isn’t manageable for you to continue doing alone at home.

I wish you and your family well.
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