Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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You may need another therapist. If you don't leave therapy after a few sessions feeling "mad as Hades" then you don't have a therapist who is willing to shake you up from your circular thinking. Some therapists simply sit and listen. Their patients seldom make a lot of progress but have a listening post to "hear them". This can go on for years. The best therapists in my humble opinion are the ones that have input, that stop circular thinking and habitual paths formed in the brain. Falling apart when a loved one's health gets worse is normal. But one cannot stay in the falling apart. You have to feel the pain. You would not be human if you did not. You have to mourn the losses. Then you have to move on. Not everything can be fixed. Some things must be lived with and lived through. You don't say how long you have been in therapy? You don't say if this is something that your therapist SAID to you: as in "I don't know how to help you?" or if this is your opinion? A therapist, in the end, DOESN'T really help a situation. He or she cannot change what is happening to your loved one, nor what you must live with or live through. What a therapist waits to hear before ushering you out the door is "Well, nothing really is much changed, but I feel better about it, about what I can change, about what I cannot, about what I must do to take care of myself, about my limitations." There is no magic fix to life; in fact many things cannot be fixed. What we look for are tools to help us through. A therapist is one. You are HERE, Grace, so that is a tool also. Tell us what bothers you on a given day. Don't just fill in the subject line, but fill in the area below. Tell us one thing that is hard for you. Or one at a TIME. And let others who are living through the same things tell you what works for them, and see if there is help for YOU. Wishing you the best, and so glad that you sought therapy when you needed it. If indeed your therapist has thrown up his or hands, move on. Not every therapist is right for every person they see. Good luck.
Accepting the inevitable--aging, in this instance and the many things that go along with it, can be very hard for some people.
Of course you KNOW that your mother won't live forever, nor would you want her to.
I'm sure your therapist does have ideas on how to help, sometimes we are so sad we don't hear what they are saying.
Be as informed as you can be about tests, procedures, medications, etc and of course do what you feel is best for your mother's overall health, but try, in that muddle of information, to think about the future and what that will entail.
Garden Artist has good ideas. The contemplative soul is a peaceful one.
If nothing else, be glad you had this time with your mom. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parent/s and if you do--that's wonderful. You will always have that.
Grace, I'm sorry to learn that a situation has worsened, and I think you're wise to consider how to approach it.
What worked for me was to research as much as I could about the new conditions, mediations, treatments, and more, so I that I was better prepared to adapt. At least then I could be more proactive in addressing issues with medical personnel. That was very helpful, because I could make decisions w/ as much factual knowledge as was available.
I won't deny though that I had friends who were in medicine, and they gave me excellent advice. It helps to know some nurses!
I also tried to set aside time for myself, whether to come here and post, or to listen to music, draw, or read. That created downtime which balanced out the challenging moments.
Being outside was also very helpful; it was meditative. Watching snowflakes fall and trying to imagine how to crochet one was a diversion, as was watching fireflies in the summer.
I am one of those who think perhaps it is not possible to not fall apart. Its very difficult to see a loved one get worse. To be honest when my dad went downhill I drank more to cope, perhaps not wise, but at least it gave me some moments of numbness. But other times I let myself fall apart, and thats probably all part of the process.
Grace, I am so sorry therapy isn’t helping. I have been to a few over my adult life. Each one helped me in a different way. My primary care doctor told me to see a psychologist rather than a licensed counselor or social worker.
In my opinion the male psychologist I went to see was the worst one!! I didn’t have a good feeling about him.
I was right about him. He lost his license because he had SEX with one of his patients. It was all over the newspaper!!
I have had good luck with a therapist or social worker or any other title that is below a psychologist. They don’t have the degree but a lot of them have the experience. I prefer a woman because they identify with us. They can relate to us.
Perhaps the best one to see is a psychiatrist, but nowadays they only write out a prescription. They don’t do “talk therapy” anymore.
Also Grace, a lot of the therapists now will say let me help you with what you are dealing with NOW, not tell me about your childhood and your mother and father. They want to help you with your PRESENT situation, not your PAST.
No easy answer here. We are human. We have emotions. Honor your feelings but don’t allow them to completely own you.
Not being sarcastic here, but if you aren’t feeling a positive feedback from your therapist, look for another one that may offer more insight in the situation. Or it could possibly be that you aren’t able to process it just yet.
Give yourself time to adjust. Wishing you all the best.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You don't say how long you have been in therapy?
You don't say if this is something that your therapist SAID to you: as in "I don't know how to help you?" or if this is your opinion?
A therapist, in the end, DOESN'T really help a situation. He or she cannot change what is happening to your loved one, nor what you must live with or live through. What a therapist waits to hear before ushering you out the door is "Well, nothing really is much changed, but I feel better about it, about what I can change, about what I cannot, about what I must do to take care of myself, about my limitations."
There is no magic fix to life; in fact many things cannot be fixed. What we look for are tools to help us through. A therapist is one.
You are HERE, Grace, so that is a tool also. Tell us what bothers you on a given day. Don't just fill in the subject line, but fill in the area below. Tell us one thing that is hard for you. Or one at a TIME. And let others who are living through the same things tell you what works for them, and see if there is help for YOU.
Wishing you the best, and so glad that you sought therapy when you needed it.
If indeed your therapist has thrown up his or hands, move on. Not every therapist is right for every person they see. Good luck.
Of course you KNOW that your mother won't live forever, nor would you want her to.
I'm sure your therapist does have ideas on how to help, sometimes we are so sad we don't hear what they are saying.
Be as informed as you can be about tests, procedures, medications, etc and of course do what you feel is best for your mother's overall health, but try, in that muddle of information, to think about the future and what that will entail.
Garden Artist has good ideas. The contemplative soul is a peaceful one.
If nothing else, be glad you had this time with your mom. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parent/s and if you do--that's wonderful. You will always have that.
(Hugs)
What worked for me was to research as much as I could about the new conditions, mediations, treatments, and more, so I that I was better prepared to adapt. At least then I could be more proactive in addressing issues with medical personnel. That was very helpful, because I could make decisions w/ as much factual knowledge as was available.
I won't deny though that I had friends who were in medicine, and they gave me excellent advice. It helps to know some nurses!
I also tried to set aside time for myself, whether to come here and post, or to listen to music, draw, or read. That created downtime which balanced out the challenging moments.
Being outside was also very helpful; it was meditative. Watching snowflakes fall and trying to imagine how to crochet one was a diversion, as was watching fireflies in the summer.
Look up, dear.
In my opinion the male psychologist I went to see was the worst one!! I didn’t have a good feeling about him.
I was right about him. He lost his license because he had SEX with one of his patients. It was all over the newspaper!!
I have had good luck with a therapist or social worker or any other title that is below a psychologist. They don’t have the degree but a lot of them have the experience. I prefer a woman because they identify with us. They can relate to us.
Perhaps the best one to see is a psychiatrist, but nowadays they only write out a prescription. They don’t do “talk therapy” anymore.
Dont give up. There is one out there for you.
Not being sarcastic here, but if you aren’t feeling a positive feedback from your therapist, look for another one that may offer more insight in the situation. Or it could possibly be that you aren’t able to process it just yet.
Give yourself time to adjust. Wishing you all the best.