In that question I explained my situation caring for my wife who has a degenerative brain disease and asked what other caregivers did about basically living celibate but still feeling the strong desire for physical intimacy. I received every expected type of response from you're a sex addict and pervert, go to church, get a hobby, snuggle more and find a friend with benefits. I also had a few ladies tell me they wish I lived closer so we could meet each other. So I have struggled with this almost daily since then. But I have finally made the decision that I am no good to anyone, either her or myself, if I am totally and constantly depressed or in a terribly foul mood. I would like to have a lady friend who is in the same situation that I am in, who would like a man friend who would understand when she felt like crying and needed to talk, who would like to occasionally have a meal with a man friend, or a movie. If it progressed into a "friend with benefits" thing I would love that too. I have had zero life for longer than I care to remember now and I need to change that. I can't get away often at this point but sometimes is better than nothing at all. To anyone who will accuse me of using this forum as a dating app, this is the only way I can see to meet someone that is in my same situation. I live in a small town so I can't use a senior app on the computer because I don't want my relatives to ever see it at this point in time. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt my wife.
So here goes, I'm 65 years old. I live close to Peoria, Illinois. If anyone is within a 3 to 4 hour drive one way, that would be close to the maximum distance that I could manage right now. I'm just in tremendous need of female companionship. I was an electrician all my work life. I'm just a normal guy who is so lonely all the time now.
I fully expect all kinds of replies to this, even the super critical ones, but that is just how lonely and desperate I feel right now. I'm actually pretty embarrassed to post this but I am at my wits end.
Who will be with your wife if you do find someone to spend time with?
I do sympathise with your feelings in response to the OP - not going to make any difference to him whatsoever as I am a terribly long way outside his catchment area. But on the other hand it isn't impossible that there is a lady who feels exactly the same way as he does; and if they both do and nobody gets hurt - well, good luck to them.
I happen to agree with you about the vows in principle, too; only... we are but mortal. Some standards are very hard to stick to when life gives you a kicking like dementia.
Also. If he were *that* narrowly focused, wouldn't it be simpler, quicker (and possibly cheaper, certainly in terms of mileage) for him to resort to the world's oldest profession?
If that is the route you are intending to take, there are (anonymous) definitely more local sites that cater to friendships, companionship and outside interests that should be easy enough to find, and that is what I reccomend you do. You are leaving yourself up to judgements here, and I don't want you to be subjected to that. This is your truth, so don't leave yourself open to that.
Do be careful, I do understand that you are loneliness, but you need to be safe so that you can come back home to your wife, as she relies on you, and I know that she is your first priority. There are so many scammers out there in the cyber world these days!
I second this comment. Be careful PD. You sound like a hard working man. You have worked all your life. Always keep your resources safe and do not let into your life anyone who wud drain all of your hard earned resources.
Also "Paddydaddy"? That's down right creepy.
Please, no one respond with interest to this. If it is real, he needs a different venue to find a friend, not a website for people trying to find helpful advice about caring for people.
Predators know how to work you over.
Despite my Catholic upbringing. I am not hear to give you a religious lecture.
Physical intimacy is an integral part of life that is undeniably important ..especially for us as men.
Romance movies are very unrealistic in their portrayals of sexless love as this poweful ideal...it is nonsense. (yes I am referring to all those movies which portray characters in love with no hope for physical intimacy)
Do not ever feel ashamed of your sex drive.
Marriage vows get REAL tough in these situations....I can only imagine what my Dad is going through....with your post I now have insight into why my father is always cranky....my mom has been ill for about 5 years now.
I wish you the best of luck and I can only hope and pray for strength when I get older.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I think you coming to this forum will really help you out, and thank you for expressing your side of the story!
People need to respect Every aspect of Caregiving, yours is a Valid Concern.
Let's Be Gentle with this hard working husband, he needs our support like the rest of us!
ignore his request , it doesnt apply to you .
You may want to try sites such as Plenty of fish (it's free but there are also a lot of people from Nigeria, etc. that post there. They are obviously not looking for a relationship, if you know what I am talking about), Adult friend finder (I had a friend that used AFF because she missed going out with someone and was taking care of her husband that was in a wheelchair) and other sites. You can keep your identity secret on these sites (use a phony name, do a private album of pictures {That only invited people can look at, there are sites that are like that)). I checked out the population of Peoria, it's not big like Chicago, but it's not rural. I don't think you will have a problem running into people that you know.
All I can do is warn you about scammers (on the sites I mentioned above) and wish you the best of luck.
PS: You want companionship and Friends with benefits because you can't do it with your wife anymore. That is completely understandable and no, it doesn't make you a pervert or a pest.
i fear the ' wrong ' person would get on your nerves in about 10 minutes . 3 minutes of bliss , 7 minutes of extreme regret .
The End.
Good luck PaddyDaddy. I hope you find what you're looking for and it all works out.
Me, I could not in good conscious date someone and then go home and care for my DH. Maybe, if they were in LTC with no way they would ever improve? I know in my heart, if this happened to me my DH would be there to the end.
But, none of us know what we would really do in your situation. I have had to eat my words more than once. Caregiving is such a hard job. Not all of us are cut out for it. Maybe your decision should be its time for LTC. Medicaid is there if you need it. As a Community spouse your assets will be split. Her split would be used for her care and when gone u apply for Medicaid. Once she is settled, then u can live ur life.