The price of obituaries?

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The price of obituaries?

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We recently lost my wife and mother of 3. Grandmother of 4. Maybe this isn’t the platform, but it definitely is an aging care event.
We were told how much the obituary would cost. Not covered by the insurance policy that we bought for “peace of mind”.
almost 4 figures. Didn’t even include a picture.
I should feel guilty, but refused to have it done. It’s not like she was into liberal politics.
The newspaper has lost most of its readers as circulation has a new bottom every month. She would have been appalled by the $$’s.
Social Media did a better job and didn’t cost a penny more than its monthly cost to subscribers. It’s time to bury what doesn’t produce, or am I going to regret it?

End of Life Funeral Planning

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You will not regret this. Obits are a scam and hackers use them to obtain full legal names and addresses. You can save the guilt and regret by doing this via social media etc. If your wife was a member of a church it could possible be announced through a bulletin or announcement. If your wife was active in any groups you could ask them to spread the word for free. If you wife was still working you might get her employer to put it out on their social media accounts as a release of information. I 100% agree with you for not putting it in a paper. I refuse to be buried, and want to be cremated, because it should never break the bank to bury someone.

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I actually don't believe in doing an obituary. It is proven that criminals follow them in order to know when family may be at services. They also follow them to figure ways to do identity theft trickery and make bogus calls to family. I know they are the old fashioned way, but when my brother died and was cremated I didn't even let the funeral home list his death, and I did no publication of his death as suggested by some books regarding estate and Trusts and so on. To me it is just opening the door to problems in the day when they can google our home, where we live, and what the facts are of our lives in moments on the internet.
sure am sorry for your loss and wish you the best. Great info for Forum, also.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Some folks will put in a few lines of "memorial" a month or so after death so that not close friends, family and associates will have notice.

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I too was shocked at the price of my husbands obituary, but went ahead with it anyway, as I had had it written for about 6 months, as he was under hospice care for 22 months. I did however tell my children NOT to spend my money on one for me when I die, as it really is a rip off.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard when we lose our spouse, this I know. God bless you.

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Thanks so much for taking the time to write & advise. My daughter echos the scammer part. It’s a memorial service with visitation. She donated her body to a good, local medical school. We had to schedule it late to get family into town.
She planned it & paid for it. But the obituary is an add on expense from what I could understand.
my hearing is about gone. My daughter takes over. She said “NO” ... knew her mom very well.

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Yep, my funeral plans state no obit.

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I completely agree that the cost of obituaries is appalling. It comes from the loss of revenue newspapers have experienced due to the decline of classified ad sales and subscriptions.

We placed two obituaries for my dad -- one in their local paper which ran it on the front page due to his status in the community for free, and the other in the wider-circulated area newspaper. That one was cut down substantially, and it cost $575. I certainly won't do that for my mother who holds similar status in the community, and I'll rely on spreading the word outside of their town by other ways.

I'll chime in on the other side of the argument for not placing an obituary, though. As someone who does genealogy work, obituaries are absolutely invaluable for research and tracking family histories. They contain valuable information including dates of birth and death, names of parents, children, and grandchildren, and more than once an obituary has been the key piece of information that clarified for me if a person I was chasing down was the correct one. (I come from a family with a fairly common surname, and as every man of English descent in the 19th century was named James, Robert, or William, I'm often chasing down the wrong James, Robert or William.)

Obituaries are an important part of our history, and it seems the only way you can get one to show up for all time on Legacy.com is by having one in a larger paper. Legacy also doesn't subscribe to all newspapers, so the more detailed one on my dad from his hometown paper isn't the one they picked up. It was the one from the more widely circulated paper instead.

If nothing else, write out an obituary for your wife with all the pertinent details and have copies made for everyone in the family. Keep one on the computer. While you're at it, write down your own information so your family has the correct names and dates and places, because obituaries are also not foolproof. My great-grandfather was born in 1853, but somewhere around 1900 his birth date turned into 1857 and became accepted information to the extent that his obituary and even his headstone have the incorrect year on them. You'd think his own wife knew the year he was born, but apparently not. Children, too, will surprise you with how little they know about their own parents. My husband is never sure who was older by a year -- his mom or dad -- and when they were even born.

As for people knowing you'll be off at a funeral on a particular time and day, we just let the police in my folks' town know that the house would be empty at that time, and they patrolled their street more during those hours. I think the scammer thing is a bit more of a legend than actual fact, but it's easily prevented nonetheless.

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I do read the Obits everyday. I am constantly stunned by all teh people that have had very interesting lives or done really amazing things.I have also noticed that a lot of people never seemed to have gotten married..

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I am so sorry for your loss.

May God give you and your family grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.

You will not regret doing an online obit., we live in a day when just about everything is done electronically. It is completely acceptable.

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The local metropolitan paper allows so many characters or lines for free - and I could have probably gotten away with minimal verbiage, but my brother tried to place the obit and bill me (thank you very much) - it would have cost a fortune as he wrote basically a biography. I cut it way back but it was more than the free version - it was still about $125.

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My condolences on your loss. When Mom died last year we paid about $300 for a 3’ obit in the local paper, no photo. The last line directed people to the funeral home website to see the complete obituary that was included in the price of their service. The FH offered to take care of it but I dealt with the paper myself because when Dad died it took them over a week to get the info to the paper.

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We had the opposite situation when my mother died April last year. The funeral home rushed ahead to write an obituary for its website, and it was almost completely fictional. In short, my mother spent 98% of the time she was in this area living in a nursing home, thus she had no career or outside social life here--but the funeral home dreamt up the idea that she had spent her life here, taught in the local school district (instead of in other states where she used to live) and other incorrect details. My sister and I had provided details of her life and career, but apparently the funeral home just went ahead to ass/u/me its own version. I was quite livid, and I contacted them, gave the details again, and they corrected it. I may be too cynical, but I just assume people are incompetent until they prove otherwise.

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When my stepdad died 2.5 years ago it cost over $800 for one mention in our small town paper.

If it had gone into the daily paper it would have been 2-3 times more.

I was shocked, but I did not say anything to Mum and his daughter, I just paid it. They had written the Obit, and I was not going to edit it.

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You're having a memorial service. Put the obit in the bulletin for friends and family.

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You should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If the cost is onerous and will add debt, dont do it. The memorial will be enough. Curious though, you mentioned her not being liberal. What does that have to do with an obit?

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Perhaps it was liberal political newspaper. Nevertheless I agree with you. It has nothing to do with an obituary.

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One reason I did not have obituary for my Mother was because there was very little family or friends of hers that we’re still alive to read it.

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Funeral homes and cremation settings often offer on line obituaries. Most faith settings provide a place for a simple for remembering of a passing. And though some might find it a little " out there" greeting card providers like printers, pharmacy photo, and and the social media sources can provide "hard copy" versions of remembrances There might be a cost. In your time of grief, simplify. When you have energy, share a written copy of remembrance with the family members and close friends.
We simply had a family gathering, where we shared photos and thoughts. Please don't worry about newspaper obits. Please don't feel guilty about not having a newspaper obituary.

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So sorry for the loss of your wife, your childrens' mother and grandchildrens' grandmother.

Today, in the grand scheme of things, an obituary is probably not worth it - certainly not when it is running into 4 digits! Fewer people buy/read papers now and if one lives long enough, there may not be anyone left out there who would even know you, outside of immediate family! Most likely the original reason for having obits was to let others know - before phones, the internet, social media, etc, it would be the quickest way to let others know. These days, word can travel faster by other means.

The page at the following link isn't dated, so no idea how old the post is, but prices were all over the place, depending on location (they checked various areas and compared prices for short, long and pictures added):

https://www.legacy.com/faq/how-much-does-an-obituary-cost/

I have no idea how much mom's obit cost, as it was included in her pre-need burial payment. On some level it was probably not even necessary. She was 97, all her and dad's siblings and dad were gone. There are various cousins around, but we haven't had contact with most of them in MANY years! Most likely all her friends were gone too. I don't really do social media and there was no extra charge, so I went ahead with it. Legacy.com actually has it also - it shows the name of the newspaper and the funeral home name. I notified those I did have contact info for via email and/or text. Same with our burial plans. She was cremated, didn't want to deal with a 2+ hour drive in snow, so I opted to have the burial when spring arrived!

The first lookup to see how the prices are calculated showed her favored newspaper's cost starts at $129.95 - no indication of how many words, characters or if a picture was included (the top link showed update 5 days ago, but the actual page has MANY papers listed.) In the detail after clicking on it, only the starting cost is listed along with size limits for picture.)

I certainly could care less if someone posted my passing, either online or in a paper. Those who need to know will know. Very very small circle... I don't want my kids planning for any kind of "memorial" either. Celebrate! Ding Dong the witch is dead? Why spend all that money on something that really doesn't matter? Have a beer and raise a glass to me and be done with it. Ensure any kitties left are taken back to the shelter they came from.

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In our community, people often post remembrances in newspapers, like on anniversary or birthdays. There is still an expense, but not when your are in deep mourning. I've also seen obits that combine remembrance of the couple. So beautiful, and one obit will be delayed. But that is beautiful.

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Just a personal view but an obituary is to notify people who may know someone but who you either do not know of or have contact details for, or haven't been able to contact yourself. It serves no other useful purpose. Here in the UK obits for us everyday folk are usually done as simple line ads in the paper at around £15 ($20?) it depends on how national one wants to go, obviously big national papers are more maybe even up to 10 x that but its a notice, nothing more. Don't feel bad about it especially if she would have thought it a waste of money - funerals are expensive enough without all the addons. Will you regret not doing it? - why should you, you are going along with what she would think and what extra respect or help in your grieving process does it give. We do too much one a loved one dies to fit with what others expect, we are the ones grieving and we should do what we feel is right for us and for what our loved one would have wanted.

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I was not aware that an obit . was so expensive , it is just terrible what they charge . My mother is 95 and there is no way I will spend that , as somebody else said , those who need to know will know .

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When my dad died at nearly 99, there was hardly anyone left who knew him but the local paper allowed a 4 line free obit which was just enough for a death notice. However you may not know this but the funeral homes are usually connected to an online website which offers a free obituary service. Our funeral home was a Dignity Memorial home. We posted it there with his photo.

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We did not do the oboe. Via newspaper. Just 5 sentences for the retirement community she last live at. I also sent personal notices to those who sent her xmas cards. You did the obi. By social media and that is great because the people who are connected with her are in the know. I am really not concerned about her passing bring known by strangers or as a curiosity if it means wasting money money for the obi. The obi.and funeral services is for the living so if you are content where things stand, leave it be. If any family member disagree, give them your blessing to write and pay for the obi.

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I am sorry for your loss. Our small local paper is very good with obituary prices - “Obituaries: $20 for one column (up to 575 words); $50 for one column plus additional text. Additional $5 for each photograph.” The bigger papers that are sold statewide are terrible with obituary pricing - “Tell your loved one's life story
Prices start at $1.25/word“. See the difference between the two? First paper charges $20 for a one column 575 word obituary; the second paper would charge $718.75 for the very same ad. We were horrified at the money made by charging grieving families exorbitant prices. We went with the local paper.

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Before her Alzheimer's kicked in, my mother read the obituaries every day to see if anyone she knew had died. She found out about some friends that way. Obituaries are a good idea if you're unsure of how broad someone's circle of acquaintances is, or if you can't find the address book. If you made a decent attempt to contact her friends and other family members, and maybe any clubs or organizations she belongef to, you did a better job than any obituary will ever do. Your paper sounds like they wildly overcharge. Don't worry about it.

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My condolences on your loss.

When my mother died, I provided the Cremation Society with the obituary that I had already composed, along with a photograph. The Society published the obituary and photo on its website, with "share" links to Facebook, Twitter, etc. There was no additional charge for this service, and Mama would have been proud that I didn't waste even a nickel on a pricy newspaper obituary, as she was a very frugal person.

There's no reason to regret your decision, especially if your loved one would have been appalled by the cost.

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Agree agree agree. I know it is considered advertising but as newspapers fail to provide a service - like local news - more are forced to use social
i spent the money and they screwed it up
wish I had not

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Maybe think a little more...social media will be gone and forgotten in a week or so. A printed obituary will last forever. I agree four figures is waayy too much. But they are based on length, so...Before you blame the newspaper, it's an add-on for the funeral homes. They are the ones who essentially set the price. We used to provide them for free. But when we learned what the funeral homes were charging for calling it over to us we stopped. "Not into liberal politics"? What does that even mean? Ever learned about a dramatic increase in school taxes? A gas station approved for the middle of your neighborhood? A local pol arrested for drugs? Seen your kids in the local paper? Thank your newspaper. It sure as eff wasn't social media. Or Fox.

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IMHO, the OP was trying to make the point that the newspaper in question wasn't shy about its political slant, which appears to have been in direct opposition to his wife's views (and I'd guess his as well), in which case his frugal wife would have been doubly appalled.

At any rate, as far as a printed obituary lasting forever goes... one can take a screen shot, or copy and paste, a social media post and either print it out or save it to the cloud. The internet is also "forever," as recent, well-publicized events have shown.

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Check out https://tributes.com
Upload pictures, audio, music etc. for a permanent tribute. Price about $50 payable after you like what you've created.

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I was shocked also, when my husband died 10 years ago. So, I went to several neighborhood papers online and they were Free < including photo >

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One thing I haven't seen anyone mention yet is that an obituary is an historical record. I used to write obits back when they were free as part of my reporting job for a local newspaper. It is true that today they are considered ads and most are written (poorly) by the funeral home. A distant relative doing a family tree would have access to the obit that has been posted on Legacy.com. Researching obits is a main way people go about finding survivors who they might want to contact. Something else to think about when considering this issue.

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After retiring from corporate life, I worked for a large funeral home as admin office manager. I wrote obituaries every day (and not poorly as another poster said) and sometimes reworded obit family written, conscious that every word mattered in meaning but also in cost. Most newspapers will run a very limited free obit, with name, city, date of death (at the time, 25 words was limit for our local paper). I frequently had sticker shock when dealing with newspapers out of state or area. I remember one requiring cause of death to publish free obit. Print media is facing loss of revenue everywhere and doubtless this is a factor. Also a factor, as pointed out by others, is the historical genealogical record. My family loathes social media and do not have any presence on it. We don't need our obits to highlight all of our work or social accomplishments. The facts will suffice. I shudder when I see lengthy obits in Atlanta journal because I have some idea of their cost. Rare are the folks who lived such lives that they should be detailed in three columns obits.

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My parents wanted to be cremated, and this was low cost. They did have detailed (and expensive) obituaries, however, and many people have reached out to show gratitude for both the tribute and the information.

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