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My husband is on hospice, final days or hours.I wrote before about his battle with Parkinson’s disease. He overcame a lot and bravely and stoically fought this disease.Not anymore, this time aspiration pneumonia did not respond to treatment and he is on comfort care.How others deal in final days? How to find some sense in this? What to do after? I never felt like this. Of course professionals help or some therapy but I think combined wisdom on forum offers more in terms of practical advice.

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I'm so sorry. I have not lost a husband, but after my dad died I spent weeks sitting in the bathtub for over an hour almost every day. After being there so much for my dad and watching him in his final days, I just needed to sit and not really think. I listened to the radio and soaked in the tub and eventually I got to the point I didn't need to do that. I hope you can find a way to slowly start to heal from the pain. Give yourself grace.
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Evamar Jul 10, 2026
Thank you JustAnon
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I'm so very sorry you and your husband have to endure this. I can only tell you that I prayed for your situation tonight, in particular for his total comfort and peace for you both.
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Evamar Jul 10, 2026
Thank you Geaton.
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Evamar, I don’t have any particular wisdom to share but I am thinking of you! 💐
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Snoopy love,
thank you
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Just sending a hug. Hold his hand and tell him how much you love him.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
HHF,
thanks
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I've added some prayers to Geaton's. I wish I could do more, but I'll be thinking about you this weekend.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
MG8522,
Thank you.
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It’s so hard to see someone you love in prolonged suffering. PD is a terrible disease. It’s sometimes just senseless and there is nothing that can be said to make it better. I wish you peace and healing after you get through this last storm. It will end and it will get better. Take deep breaths and be kind to yourself.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
ShirleyDot,
I am assured he is not suffering as he was few days ago. He is sleeping peacefully. Yes, terrible disease.
Thank you.
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I dealt with my mother’s final days by staying with her, finishing up reports I had to write for work, going out as little as possible, and just ‘being there’. The last hours of noisy breathing were difficult to bear, but the doctor visited and told me all about it. My elder sister arrived in the morning of M’s last day, and couldn’t cope, she went out shopping for hours! It probably helped to have had the last few days to prepare.

Afterwards, the next few days were busy organising the funeral and visitors. After that I sorted out M’s flat and got ready for my sisters to come back so we could split things up. That took about 3 months. Then I arranged to go on a group holiday traveling. It took 6 weeks, new people, new things to see, a complete change. By the time I got back I was ready to start working and cope with life again.

I hope that you have the flexibility to cope in your own way with such a difficult time. Best wishes, love from Margaret.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Margaret,
Thank you, it is good advice to keep busy and then plan something different
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NOTHING you do will prepare you for that "final day" the final hour, minute. I think because you don't know until it is over what the "final" day, hour, minute, second is until it is gone.
I cared for my husband for 12 years after his diagnosis (cared for him years before that as we all care for our loved ones...)
I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he was accepted onto Hospice I KNEW what the outcome would be.
As he declined I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he stopped walking, stopped eating, stopped drinking I KNEW what the outcome would be.
With all that I KNEW when he died why did it feel like someone ripped out my heart? I mean I KNEW he was going to die.
More than 10 years and I still feel a pain when I think about that morning.
It does not hurt as much as it did then or as much as it did 8, 5, 4, 3 1 year or maybe even yesterday but the ache is there.

Take your time.
He did not decline all at once.
You will not heal all at once. (and heal may not be the right word either)
There is no timeline to grief so do not let anyone rush you.
You have lost who YOU are.
You need to find out who you are again. Give yourself permission to discover you. And you are different now than you were back before his diagnosis You have learned a lot since then, you have a different perspective now.

I have written these sayings many times. I keep them by my computer.

Grief never ends
But it changes
It is a passage, not a place to stay
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love.

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

((hugs))
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ArtistDaughter Jul 11, 2026
Beautiful answer, Grandma 1954.
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When my husband was in his final days I just made sure that I spent as much time as possible with him and made sure that he knew I was near and that I loved him. They say that hearing is the last sense to go so make sure you're still talking to him and letting him know that you're near.

Losing a spouse is very hard, especially one that you truly loved and looked forward to growing old with. But I'm grateful for every year I got to spend with my husband, and know that God put him in my life for a reason and a season.
And even though that season ended now almost 6 years ago, I still think of him often and dream of him often too.
Our 32nd wedding anniversary would have been July 8th, and while I miss him, I know that he's in a much better place where there is no more pain and no more suffering, and that gives me great peace.

It will take a while before you figure out what your life will look like after your husband is gone, so be patient and allow yourself some much needed grace.
I feel like I'm still in the figuring out process after 6 years, but I'm enjoying life and grateful for every day the Good Lord gives me.
I know that after my husband died that I took several years to just focus on taking care of myself and to rest, as like you I cared for my husband for many years, and caregiving does take a lot out of a person. So don't forget that you deserve to now take care of yourself.
I am joining in prayer with the others on here that your husband doesn't suffer but will die in peace and that God's angels will be around you both as he transitions from this world to the next and as you start this new unchartered territory on your own.
You're stronger than you realize. Don't forget that.
May God bless and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Funkygrandma59,
Thank you for reminding me that I am stronger than I realize.
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I was with my dad throughout his final weeks on home hospice. I still view it with some strange mix of being a privilege to see him out of this world and traumatic to watch. During the last days and hours, I mostly made sure he was comfortable and held his hand. Speaking was often too difficult, I’m the person, who in hard circumstances if I start talking it turns into incomprehensible blubber as the tears flow. I’d already said everything that needed saying, as had my dad. I busied myself making sure his house was clean enough to accept the food gifts I knew would come, I made ice chips from his favorite drink on advice from one of his nurses, I updated friends and family. Finding sense in it came from knowing we all come to an end and knowing dad had long expressed his desire to leave a life of too many medical issues, and see his wife and heaven. The aftermath was filled with funeral planning (by far the worst, those people will always be vultures to me) getting the house cleaned out and sold, shutting down all the financial business. It was good to have that busyness. I remember the silence in his house being crushing. I’m sorry you’re in this place with your dear husband. Know whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right for you. Find times to rest. Know that being present for the minute he passes is highly overrated, death comes as a solo experience. By the time a person dies, in most ways they have already left. Our wise hospice nurse told me the day before my dad died “you need to know he’s already gone, his body just hasn’t quite gotten the message yet” You may find yourself moving through tasks robotically, that’s okay, many have, I sure did. GriefShare groups have been helpful to many, are free, and meet all over. Know your husband was been blessed to have you looking out for him. I wish you and hubby much peace
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Daughter1930,
thank you. My husband clearly expressed to medical team he wanted no further treatments or intervention like intubation, which is also in his directives.
So like you I need to know he is already gone just his body is here.
Strange, he raised his arms yesterday and said “ Mom”.
That is it for 3 days.
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Evamar,

I just wanted to send you hugs and support.

Raising his arms is an end of life sign. Mom did that. I was not present but the hospice RN and a caregiver saw this.

Be in the moment. Be in the day.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Brandee,
Great advice to be in the moment.
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Dear Evamar:

This is my first-ever post in the forum, and I am honored it is in response to you. I wish I could alleviate your grief, as you have done for me so many times.

You and your husband are courageous. Take comfort in that and in the beauty of your relationship. You fought with grace and dignity.

You will find peace and strength in moving through this.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Kiplma,
I am not sure if I am courageous now but am sure I was before so I will find it again
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Connect with the hospice chaplain now if you haven’t already. They are trained to the level of social workers but they can also discuss religion if YOU want. They are free to you for 13 months after death.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Thank you PeggySue.
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Eva, We are all with at the end of this journey. (((Hugs))) and remember to drink water.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Barb,
You right, I find I need to drink more water now
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I am so sorry you and your husband are enduring this. I pray His angels at this very moment and always surround you with love and comfort and peace, and that you will be blessed with a supernatural assurance of God’s love and presence.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Hope,
Comfort and peace which is hard now.
But every advice gives me a little more of that so thank you for that
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Dear Evamar,
Thinking of you as you spend these final hours and days with your DH. You will miss him and yet be happy for him that he is released from this horrible disease.
Be gentle with yourself. we are with you.
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
97yroldmom,
Yes, I realize more and more, perhaps happy but sad when he is gone but glad he won’t suffer. Right now they assure me he is not suffering.
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Evamar, I reread my own earlier answer, and thought about it again. Most answers are about your own feelings as the end approaches. What I wanted to add is the knowledge if you are the person most involved in this, then AFTER ‘the end’ you are going to be very busy and even more stressed. You will have relatives and old friends descending on you, there will be requests for clean out and/or split up of possessions, you will be dealing with the same words of condolence over and over again, and fielding different ideas about cremation, burial and funeral. You will be squashing any problems that you had yourself about all sorts of things at the end, because others will be coming to it fresh and will want to go through the details with you. The stress of ‘the end’ will NOT be over for you.

Do your best to coast through the next two or three weeks, and plan for a real rest when things calm down. Get enough rest and enough sleep if you possibly can!
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Beedevil66 Jul 12, 2026
Most (if not all) will stick around until everything is "settled" then ghost; feeling interacting with the OP would bring up memories of her husband.
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dear Evamar
sending you and your loved ones much love
xx
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
Moly 234
thank you
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🙏🏽
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Thinking of you Evamar, and saying a prayer for your steadiness and peace.
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
CaringinVA,
thank you.
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Intellectually we can know that with Parkinson's the kind of end days you and your husband are going through could be expected. But in one's heart, that is another matter. Even expecting the end, it can seem unreal. I've always felt a kinship with you because my husband too had Parkinson's and we knew that aspiration pneumonia was a possible end scenario. We saw what his brother with Parkinson's went through, losing ability to speak and swallow, and I know my husband was dreading it. We were "fortunate" that my husband had a massive stroke and passed away quickly before his Parkinson's had progressed to render him debilitated. I feel for you now and in the days to come. You may find yourself almost numb for a while, then the grief will hit unexpectedly. For now, just be present, maybe play music your husband likes or sing to him, talk to him, maybe stroke his head or hands or feet if it's something he likes. The children and I did this for my husband during the 12 hours he lay unconscious (or semi-conscious) after his stroke, and I think it helped both us and him as well as he transitioned.
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
Newbiewife,
Yes, I remember your story. So sad. Parkinson is awful. Yes, I know and as explained by drs his is typical trajectory he was in hospitals almost every month for almost two years. And lots of infections, but overcame each one so I was shocked a week ago that there was nothing left and no treatment worked. as you said intellectually I knew and I was prepared for close of two years but not quite. Hearth is another matter.
My husband bday is today, it was good to have people over at his bedside to wish him the best or safe journey.
I am starting to believe he is going to better place. I am going to remember that. Because as much as I want him to stay in this world if he survives which is highly unlikely he would have more complications and more unsuccessful treatments. They think day or two left.
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Evamar, thinking of you tonight. (((Hugs))).
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
Thank you Barb
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Evamar, We haven’t forgotten about you. Thinking about you and praying angels surround you and breathe every breath with you tonight.
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Evamar Jul 12, 2026
Hope 21
thank you
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Evamar, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer. I just came by to tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Evamar Jul 13, 2026
Gershun, thank you.
Prayers really appreciated as I am having doubts and guilt.
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Evamar,

Heartbreaking.
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Evamar Jul 13, 2026
Sendhelp
thank you
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Saw this pop up again ....
wanted to say thinking of you hope you are doing well.....
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Evamar Jul 13, 2026
Thank you grandma1954
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Eva, how are you doing?

This part of the journey is too excruciating for words. My ex's mom is currently on Hospice and even watching and listening at a distance is very hard.

Strength, hugs and comfort to you and your DH.
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Eva, how are you doing?

This part of the journey is too excruciating for words. My ex's mom is currently on Hospice and even watching and listening at a distance is very hard.

Strength, hugs and comfort to you and your DH.

Stay hydrated, try to get sleep and reach out here.
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🫂🙏
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