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My husband is on hospice, final days or hours.I wrote before about his battle with Parkinson’s disease. He overcame a lot and bravely and stoically fought this disease.Not anymore, this time aspiration pneumonia did not respond to treatment and he is on comfort care.How others deal in final days? How to find some sense in this? What to do after? I never felt like this. Of course professionals help or some therapy but I think combined wisdom on forum offers more in terms of practical advice.

NOTHING you do will prepare you for that "final day" the final hour, minute. I think because you don't know until it is over what the "final" day, hour, minute, second is until it is gone.
I cared for my husband for 12 years after his diagnosis (cared for him years before that as we all care for our loved ones...)
I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he was accepted onto Hospice I KNEW what the outcome would be.
As he declined I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he stopped walking, stopped eating, stopped drinking I KNEW what the outcome would be.
With all that I KNEW when he died why did it feel like someone ripped out my heart? I mean I KNEW he was going to die.
More than 10 years and I still feel a pain when I think about that morning.
It does not hurt as much as it did then or as much as it did 8, 5, 4, 3 1 year or maybe even yesterday but the ache is there.

Take your time.
He did not decline all at once.
You will not heal all at once. (and heal may not be the right word either)
There is no timeline to grief so do not let anyone rush you.
You have lost who YOU are.
You need to find out who you are again. Give yourself permission to discover you. And you are different now than you were back before his diagnosis You have learned a lot since then, you have a different perspective now.

I have written these sayings many times. I keep them by my computer.

Grief never ends
But it changes
It is a passage, not a place to stay
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love.

Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

((hugs))
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ArtistDaughter Jul 11, 2026
Beautiful answer, Grandma 1954.
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When my husband was in his final days I just made sure that I spent as much time as possible with him and made sure that he knew I was near and that I loved him. They say that hearing is the last sense to go so make sure you're still talking to him and letting him know that you're near.

Losing a spouse is very hard, especially one that you truly loved and looked forward to growing old with. But I'm grateful for every year I got to spend with my husband, and know that God put him in my life for a reason and a season.
And even though that season ended now almost 6 years ago, I still think of him often and dream of him often too.
Our 32nd wedding anniversary would have been July 8th, and while I miss him, I know that he's in a much better place where there is no more pain and no more suffering, and that gives me great peace.

It will take a while before you figure out what your life will look like after your husband is gone, so be patient and allow yourself some much needed grace.
I feel like I'm still in the figuring out process after 6 years, but I'm enjoying life and grateful for every day the Good Lord gives me.
I know that after my husband died that I took several years to just focus on taking care of myself and to rest, as like you I cared for my husband for many years, and caregiving does take a lot out of a person. So don't forget that you deserve to now take care of yourself.
I am joining in prayer with the others on here that your husband doesn't suffer but will die in peace and that God's angels will be around you both as he transitions from this world to the next and as you start this new unchartered territory on your own.
You're stronger than you realize. Don't forget that.
May God bless and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Funkygrandma59,
Thank you for reminding me that I am stronger than I realize.
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I'm so very sorry you and your husband have to endure this. I can only tell you that I prayed for your situation tonight, in particular for his total comfort and peace for you both.
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Evamar Jul 10, 2026
Thank you Geaton.
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I was with my dad throughout his final weeks on home hospice. I still view it with some strange mix of being a privilege to see him out of this world and traumatic to watch. During the last days and hours, I mostly made sure he was comfortable and held his hand. Speaking was often too difficult, I’m the person, who in hard circumstances if I start talking it turns into incomprehensible blubber as the tears flow. I’d already said everything that needed saying, as had my dad. I busied myself making sure his house was clean enough to accept the food gifts I knew would come, I made ice chips from his favorite drink on advice from one of his nurses, I updated friends and family. Finding sense in it came from knowing we all come to an end and knowing dad had long expressed his desire to leave a life of too many medical issues, and see his wife and heaven. The aftermath was filled with funeral planning (by far the worst, those people will always be vultures to me) getting the house cleaned out and sold, shutting down all the financial business. It was good to have that busyness. I remember the silence in his house being crushing. I’m sorry you’re in this place with your dear husband. Know whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right for you. Find times to rest. Know that being present for the minute he passes is highly overrated, death comes as a solo experience. By the time a person dies, in most ways they have already left. Our wise hospice nurse told me the day before my dad died “you need to know he’s already gone, his body just hasn’t quite gotten the message yet” You may find yourself moving through tasks robotically, that’s okay, many have, I sure did. GriefShare groups have been helpful to many, are free, and meet all over. Know your husband was been blessed to have you looking out for him. I wish you and hubby much peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Daughter1930,
thank you. My husband clearly expressed to medical team he wanted no further treatments or intervention like intubation, which is also in his directives.
So like you I need to know he is already gone just his body is here.
Strange, he raised his arms yesterday and said “ Mom”.
That is it for 3 days.
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I'm so sorry. I have not lost a husband, but after my dad died I spent weeks sitting in the bathtub for over an hour almost every day. After being there so much for my dad and watching him in his final days, I just needed to sit and not really think. I listened to the radio and soaked in the tub and eventually I got to the point I didn't need to do that. I hope you can find a way to slowly start to heal from the pain. Give yourself grace.
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Evamar Jul 10, 2026
Thank you JustAnon
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I've added some prayers to Geaton's. I wish I could do more, but I'll be thinking about you this weekend.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
MG8522,
Thank you.
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Dear Evamar:

This is my first-ever post in the forum, and I am honored it is in response to you. I wish I could alleviate your grief, as you have done for me so many times.

You and your husband are courageous. Take comfort in that and in the beauty of your relationship. You fought with grace and dignity.

You will find peace and strength in moving through this.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Kiplma,
I am not sure if I am courageous now but am sure I was before so I will find it again
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Just sending a hug. Hold his hand and tell him how much you love him.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
HHF,
thanks
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It’s so hard to see someone you love in prolonged suffering. PD is a terrible disease. It’s sometimes just senseless and there is nothing that can be said to make it better. I wish you peace and healing after you get through this last storm. It will end and it will get better. Take deep breaths and be kind to yourself.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
ShirleyDot,
I am assured he is not suffering as he was few days ago. He is sleeping peacefully. Yes, terrible disease.
Thank you.
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I dealt with my mother’s final days by staying with her, finishing up reports I had to write for work, going out as little as possible, and just ‘being there’. The last hours of noisy breathing were difficult to bear, but the doctor visited and told me all about it. My elder sister arrived in the morning of M’s last day, and couldn’t cope, she went out shopping for hours! It probably helped to have had the last few days to prepare.

Afterwards, the next few days were busy organising the funeral and visitors. After that I sorted out M’s flat and got ready for my sisters to come back so we could split things up. That took about 3 months. Then I arranged to go on a group holiday traveling. It took 6 weeks, new people, new things to see, a complete change. By the time I got back I was ready to start working and cope with life again.

I hope that you have the flexibility to cope in your own way with such a difficult time. Best wishes, love from Margaret.
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Evamar Jul 11, 2026
Margaret,
Thank you, it is good advice to keep busy and then plan something different
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