
My husband is on hospice, final days or hours.I wrote before about his battle with Parkinson’s disease. He overcame a lot and bravely and stoically fought this disease.Not anymore, this time aspiration pneumonia did not respond to treatment and he is on comfort care.How others deal in final days? How to find some sense in this? What to do after? I never felt like this. Of course professionals help or some therapy but I think combined wisdom on forum offers more in terms of practical advice.
I cared for my husband for 12 years after his diagnosis (cared for him years before that as we all care for our loved ones...)
I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he was accepted onto Hospice I KNEW what the outcome would be.
As he declined I KNEW what the outcome would be.
When he stopped walking, stopped eating, stopped drinking I KNEW what the outcome would be.
With all that I KNEW when he died why did it feel like someone ripped out my heart? I mean I KNEW he was going to die.
More than 10 years and I still feel a pain when I think about that morning.
It does not hurt as much as it did then or as much as it did 8, 5, 4, 3 1 year or maybe even yesterday but the ache is there.
Take your time.
He did not decline all at once.
You will not heal all at once. (and heal may not be the right word either)
There is no timeline to grief so do not let anyone rush you.
You have lost who YOU are.
You need to find out who you are again. Give yourself permission to discover you. And you are different now than you were back before his diagnosis You have learned a lot since then, you have a different perspective now.
I have written these sayings many times. I keep them by my computer.
Grief never ends
But it changes
It is a passage, not a place to stay
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love.
Crying is a way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.
((hugs))
Losing a spouse is very hard, especially one that you truly loved and looked forward to growing old with. But I'm grateful for every year I got to spend with my husband, and know that God put him in my life for a reason and a season.
And even though that season ended now almost 6 years ago, I still think of him often and dream of him often too.
Our 32nd wedding anniversary would have been July 8th, and while I miss him, I know that he's in a much better place where there is no more pain and no more suffering, and that gives me great peace.
It will take a while before you figure out what your life will look like after your husband is gone, so be patient and allow yourself some much needed grace.
I feel like I'm still in the figuring out process after 6 years, but I'm enjoying life and grateful for every day the Good Lord gives me.
I know that after my husband died that I took several years to just focus on taking care of myself and to rest, as like you I cared for my husband for many years, and caregiving does take a lot out of a person. So don't forget that you deserve to now take care of yourself.
I am joining in prayer with the others on here that your husband doesn't suffer but will die in peace and that God's angels will be around you both as he transitions from this world to the next and as you start this new unchartered territory on your own.
You're stronger than you realize. Don't forget that.
May God bless and keep you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Thank you for reminding me that I am stronger than I realize.
thank you. My husband clearly expressed to medical team he wanted no further treatments or intervention like intubation, which is also in his directives.
So like you I need to know he is already gone just his body is here.
Strange, he raised his arms yesterday and said “ Mom”.
That is it for 3 days.
Thank you.
This is my first-ever post in the forum, and I am honored it is in response to you. I wish I could alleviate your grief, as you have done for me so many times.
You and your husband are courageous. Take comfort in that and in the beauty of your relationship. You fought with grace and dignity.
You will find peace and strength in moving through this.
I am not sure if I am courageous now but am sure I was before so I will find it again
thanks
I am assured he is not suffering as he was few days ago. He is sleeping peacefully. Yes, terrible disease.
Thank you.
Afterwards, the next few days were busy organising the funeral and visitors. After that I sorted out M’s flat and got ready for my sisters to come back so we could split things up. That took about 3 months. Then I arranged to go on a group holiday traveling. It took 6 weeks, new people, new things to see, a complete change. By the time I got back I was ready to start working and cope with life again.
I hope that you have the flexibility to cope in your own way with such a difficult time. Best wishes, love from Margaret.
Thank you, it is good advice to keep busy and then plan something different