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My mother in law moved into our home directly from the Rehab center after her back surgery because the social workers at the rehab said she needed 24X7 care. Her dementia comes and gos so we can't tell if it's anesthesia induced or not. She woke up this morning and didn't know what day it was, where she was, or what time of day it was. She asked when she could go home. She says she just wants to go see her things. I told her that it would most likely just make her sad because she would regret not having the same life as she once had. Anyway, we went over the whole.... yes you can afford 24X7 care until your money runs out (she's 90 and her mother lived to be 100), or you can stay with us, or you can go to an extended care facility. BUT my real question is this....has anyone allowed the elder parent to visit the former home for day visits? If so was it successful or did it just make them very sad and depressed?

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We took my BIL out of rehab for a day and back to his house, but this was strictly to motivate him to do the PT and get well enough to go there. It focused him on getting back home. If you are NOT planning to return her there, don't do it. Focus her attention on the place you are moving her to.
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Any retired person has had the experience of waking up and not really knowing what day/time it is!! She probably should not go back home, but you can make her room feel like her own by bringing over important possessions and pictures.
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friendofnature made a good suggestion. When my mom was having difficulty adjusting to her hew living space, I took an award she had won for serving as a volunteer for years and years, to mom's new living space, and the manager of the home put the award right by the front door where everyone could see it. That made my mom feel like an important person there and it did help her adjustment. Mom was a volunteer in all the local volunteer organizations for 40 years and won "Volunteer of the Year" award last year. She has dementia, but she remembers that!
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No, make up a story if you have to that a relative that she cares about is taking care of it and enjoying or they want to rent from her etc. Unfortunately, it does not have to be true but she will think she is helping or contributing to the family. This idea was used for not driving anymore and it worked well for us.
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With your mother having dementia I would not recommend taking her to visit her old home. Have you considered arranging 24hr care at her home allowing her to continue to live there. If not I would strongly suggest you create a story, depending how advance she is you could even say you were just there yesterday. Allowing her to go would only create more problems if she is no longer able to live there.
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Two years ago my then 88 yr. old mil had surgery and recovered for 2 wks in the skilled nursing section of a long term care facility. Since she placed a deposit for the AL portion of the facility months before, and there was a room available, she went directly there after recovery. She has dementia, and it was worse because of the anesthesia. We began the process of clearing out her home and getting it ready for rental. She also wanted to go back to "see her things" and collect certain items and called us many times, day and night, saying she was a "prisoner here" and wanted to go home. The nursing staff and social workers adamantly stated she should not go back, even for a short visit to collect personal items. Knowing my mil at this point, they feared she would refuse to leave her now partially furnished home, and my husband would actually have to carry her out of the house to get her back to AL! We never took her back. It took a good 6 mos. for her to accept her new living situation and now she sees her ALF as "home". Her room is furnished with items from her old home, and of course the anesthesia induced confusion abated, so things are pretty good now. This was just our experience. Hope it helps.
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Oh, no, do not take her back to her condo. That will make her adjustment to where she is now so much harder because it makes her miss her "real home" all the more and she can't have that little plum any more. Don't taunt her and make her miserable.
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Good points and experiences here. I would also suggest if she had a favorite chair she sat in by the window, that you try to re-create the same vignette in the new apt or your home. For example, place the chair, the rug and table and lamp, pictures, vase, just like it was in her old home, creating a homey familiar corner she can sit in when she arrives at the new place. You can continue to bring some treasured objects if she mentions them. Consider bringing her same quilt, bedspread, blanket, pillow case so they have her familiar scents and look while she adjusts.
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my neighbor took her dad to assisted living right from rehab. he had dementia and it got way worse after a surgery...she worried about him not adjusting to AL from his house and wondered what he would want from the house, really stressful to wonder what's the best course. so she set up the AL with all the things from his house and so funny cause he had NO IDEA, he said funny things like oh I think the door must have moved it used to be over here, she said she had renovations done. soooo funny. He just thought he was confused...
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We, too, have been trying to decide if Mother should visit her now emptying apartment. She still tells me some mornings she will get her things so I can take her by home, although for months now she has lived with us. We have a person who comes during the day while we work also. We have just about finished moving everything and did bring as many things as possible of hers to our house hoping to make her feel she is home. She still does not seem to realize they are hers. My husband thinks it will help her to know she no longer has the apartment. I am afraid it will bring more confusion and pain for her. She is always in the moment and knows the family she sees regularly just cannot remember anything for more than 30 sec. She has always prided herself that she could "live by myself and take care of myself" so we try to let her feel she does. She started being afraid to stay alone at night and the transition was gradual. She is a very gentle person and remains the same sweet person so far. She is 90. We are grateful. Your comments make me believe it is best for her not to revisit.
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