Am the sole care giver to my 97 y/o mother and only child. Advised I need a knee replacement "asap". My wife recently passed with cancer. I have examined local asst. living sites, that would allow her to stay as a respite status....NOT full time. One center was used by close friends who had positive experiences. I have friends who encourage the surgery, but no "I" am the one wearing the black hat...any suggestions....I can forgo the surgery and who knows (not getting younger" suggestions appreciated...Thanks
Your mom is a selfish you know what. Put her in respite. Get your knee surgery and take care of you.
Personally I would leave her in a nursing home permanately.
Your mom can pay for caregivers to come in while you recover from surgery AND while you rehab.
You can place mom in a facility that will be appropriate for the level of care that she needs. (MC if she has dementia or AL if she can manage some things on her own) Mom pays for the time that she is in respite stay. AND she should be there for a while not just your day of surgery, allow yourself rehab time. (If you do rehab in a facility for more intense rehab it is possible that you might be in the same building)
If mom is on Hospice Hospice will cover almost 1 week of respite so you can have surgery and a few days to recover once she is home caregivers should come in to help you out with her.
What do you think will happen if you don't get the surgery? What happens when you can no longer physically be your mother's 24/7/365 caregiving slave?
If your mother is 97, you're probably in your 70s? Your mother's needs are only going to increase. You need a long-term plan that does not include being the sole caregiver to your mother.
Schedule the knee surgery. Schedule your mother for a respite stay. Why won't they accept her full-time when they have a spot for her for respite?
YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER SO THE CAREGIVER CAN TAKE CARE OF THE PATIENT!
Let your mother know the knee replacement is urgent and important. Tell her you have arranged to have her live at an ALF while you're unable to care for her. Remind her she can choose how she will manage it. She could be upset and resentful or she could be going on a mini-vacation. Remind her attitude going in will determine her experience while she's there.
Then let her know what day her vacation will begin!
Do not let that happen to you! I know more than one person for whom knee surgery was life-changing in a good way.
You have to take care of yourself in order to care for your love one.
I don't advice respite nursing homes, i had my experience with one for 3 day but if you have someone that recommended one then take it
You will need to hire home care until you are up and running😄😄
The caregiver can also care for you
At first i was hesitant to ask for help or even pay for it
Paying for help alot of family caregivers are reluctant to pay although they can afford with their money. REMEMBER YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIED.
Made your life easier
Good luck n God bless
Have you explored her benefits under Medicare that cover home care? There might be local home healthcare agencies working with Medicare to provide round the clock care.
If your other does not suffer from dementia, explain that you will be sure that her needs are met during the brief period that you are away.. Perhaps you could bring her to the site your friends recommended with you for a visit. Call for an appointment to see if you can get an appointment and/or have one of your friends who used that facility come, too.
Good luck !
I am awaiting total knee replacements and my Mom has mid-stage dementia. Being the only caregiver available will put Mom in a bind, and force her into a few days at a facility. I can't imagine the retaliation I will receive while caring for both of us. Currently I use a wheelchair and Mom uses a rollator.
Call your local area council on aging, use this free service, her doctor's office and any businesses you can think of to make a plan. Once your surgeon schedules, you should have access to a medical social worker that can help you navigate this dilemma.
When it rains, it pours...but there is answer for every problem/dilemma.
What about if after your knee replacement you go to a short-term rehab that also has a nursing home wing? So you can both be in the same facility.
This way here you can recuperate at your pace without worrying if Mom is being care for properly. These things happen in life and people understand as I am sure your mother's primary care physician will assist you with the proper protocols to make sure your mother is safe and you don't have to worry.
You didn't elaborate about your only child I assume needs supervision, not sure what you mean but that would be another piece added to the equation.
If you want to share more, it's up to you, perhaps we can help you and brainstorm this together and we can all share resources with you.
It's hard moving a person at that age but it might just be temporary thing or perhaps it might work out just fine.
You are all in my prayers...
You need to follow medical advice and get the replacement done. I have heard that waiting can make the surgery more difficult. As soon as you can get it done, go for it!
I cared for my aging parents but didn't have to make a choice about forgoing a needed surgery of my own.
How much pain are you in? How long would the recovery take? Is your mom agreeable to going into assisted living for a short while? What reviews, if any does the assisted living have? What can you afford? Perhaps there is a caretaker consultant you could speak to. There might also be some homecare options through your or your mom's insurance. These are just some questions that come to mind.
Good luck and God bless.
Take off your 'Black Hat' & try some other colours!
Blue: The BIG picture.
White: The facts : Estimated surgery recovery time, discharge home after surgery or to inpatient rehab? When will you be able to drive etc
Green: creative / new ideas : who can replace you as Mom's caregiver? A team of paid folk coming & going at home? Mom moves into respite care?
Yellow: think POSITIVE 😇
Red: feelings : it's ok to feel a bit nervous about it all
Maybe just a completely NEW hat...
One of Common Sense.
What IS the common sense thing to do here?
Hope all goes well for you 😊