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My mom wants me to buy her a beer. I told her it's probably not a good idea. My mom used to be an alcoholic about 25 years ago. And she quit. I used to get her Near-Beers and that would suffice. But now she's been talking about having a beer because she sees that I sometimes buy wine for myself. My mom is on a lot of medications.. high blood pressure and diabetic medicines. She said she just wants to taste it. What should I do?

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I would ask her doctor.

Being diabetic and drinking is pretty dangerous and I wouldn't risk it, unless she is already close to death.
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thepacifist Apr 2020
No, she's not close to death. She has health issues, but she's stable and ok for the most part.
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I don't think it's a good idea, since she's a recovering alcoholic. Doesn't matter if she hasn't touched a drop in 25 years. She's still an alcoholic.
Plus alcohol and heart meds don't really go well together.
By all means, ask her doctor, but if he knows she's an alcoholic he isn't going to give his blessing. Of course, you can always make him the "bad guy" if she's becoming insistent on having a drink.
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Maybe you should stop drinking around her.
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I agree with vegas, I would not buy her any beer, she is a recovering alcoholic, and I certainly would not drink in front of her.
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To those who say a person should not drink in front of an alcoholic, recovered or otherwise, I disagree. I have a good friend who is a recovered alcoholic and he runs a bar. No relapses.

By saying we should not drink in front of alcoholics we are saying that we are some how responsible for their sobriety. We are not, it is their responsibility.

Now in this case, Mum need someone to purchase the alcohol for her. This is different, this is facilitating the drinking and I disagree with that.
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FloridaDD Apr 2020
I am glad your friend is OK.  Does not mean everyone would be OK with people drinking in front of them.  OP needs to knock it off
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Since Mom has mentioned daughter drinking in front of her and that it makes her want a beer, the daughter should not drink in front of her. Its called respect.

It only takes one beer to get an alcoholic hooked again. I make mini mince pies and use mincemeat with rum. My neighbor loved them. He was an recovering alchoholic and told me he couldn't eat them anymore because even the taste of rum (alcohol cooks off) could ruin his sobriety. So I used plain mincemeat for his pies.
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As I understand it, there is no such thing as a 'used to be', ex-, or cured alcoholic. There are people who are alcoholic, and if they drink they are sunk, and as long as they don't drink they can live their lives free of what alcohol does to them.

Don't drink in front of your mother, that is mean. It genuinely will do you no harm not to buy wine for yourself when she is around. It wouldn't, scientifically speaking, do you any harm not to keep wine in the house, come to that - but only you know where your lines are and I wouldn't dream of getting snotty about it.

Find your mother something stimulating to do, watch, listen to, drink, eat, or whatever that has zip to do with alcohol, to help alleviate the boredom and craving. Remind her that SHE has chosen not to drink, and you will not undermine that choice.
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Get her the alcohol free beer; if you don't make a big deal, she might not notice; especially if you pour it for her. My MIL loved wine and as her dementia deepened, she asked for wine more ofter at family dinners. She always put ice cubes in it to dilute it because she wanted more than one glass. So I started buying alcohol free wine and she was perfectly happy. Yes, your mother used to be an alcoholic but no indication that she will go back to that. The carbs probably won't be great for her diabetes but still, if I want a beer in my later elderly years, I hope my kids get me one.
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