I’ve posted before about my situation with my mom. You can check it out in my previous posts. Long story shot, she’s been living with my family and I for many years. It wasn’t a good situation for me as we never had a great relationship living together anyway. It was causing me great anxiety and she knew that and still refused to leave. She seemed to never want to take accountability for anything, and seems to rely on others to supply her living quarters without doing anything to improve her situation. (She’s healthy and capable.) I truly believe there are some narcissistic tendencies. My husband finally got fed up and wound up kicking her out after a blow up (she’s been saying she didn’t want to live with us either but didn’t want to leave either.) Not the best way but it seriously was the only way she’d ever leave. She didn’t care how anyone else in the home was feeling and she agreed to a three month trial that turned into a year and would continue forever if up to her. She now lives with my brother and is on his “team” now and made that clear to me. We’ve been paying her phone bill for many years. It’s an additional $70. My husband has been compassionate for her situation for a long time but now is fed up. He said we should get her off of our phone bill. She used to pay us $700 rent which is wonderful and I’m sure she’s paying my brother that now as well. What are your thoughts on us paying her phone bill at this point? She tells me my brother makes her feel like family and I didn’t. She’s the type, you give an inch she takes a yard. I needed to put my boundaries up from her from the start and she didn’t like that, even though we provided a home for many years to her and sacrificed our space and my mental health for it. Now she tries to make me feel like sh*t for it. I’d love to hear thoughts.
I would have her phone removed from your plan. You were doing it as a courtesy when she was living with you, that was very kind of you, but she doesn't live with you anymore. Let her - and your brother - know, without rancor, that as of the next billing cycle, you are going to have her phone removed from your plan and she will be responsible for her own cell phone bill. You are not obligated to pay her bills for her. If your brother decides to add her to his plan - assuming he has one - that's between her and him.
The only way to be done with being her caregiver is to be done with being her caregiver. Continuing to pay for her obligations sends a mixed message that you're not really done with it. If I had to hazard a guess, I would bet it's that that's bothering your husband more than the $70.00 a month is.
Oh, and P.S. - in regards to her telling you that your brother makes her feel like "part of the family" where you never did - I wonder if she's not telling your brother the same thing about you and your family. Manipulation at it's finest.
Be done with it all, she has moved on, so should you.
Your mother is a manipulator, she plays both ends against the middle.
Tell your brother that you are taking her off your phone bill and ask him to help you either add her to his plan or get her own.
Do not let her make you feel guilty or worthless because you are not.
You don't owe her anything. You already went well above and beyond and she should be thanking you.
No one has a right to try to make you feel inferior, not even family.
Don't beat yourself up about telling her to leave. It's your home and you have the right to make rules and expect people living there to follow the rules or leave.
I suggest that you tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and that if it continues, you will break all contact with her.
Your mental health is important and cutting out people who have a negative impact is not selfish, it's self preservation.
Yes, you inform her (don't get brother involved) that because she no longer lives with you and is not paying rent to you that you will need to drop her from your plan. Then tell her ur brother can help her find a plan of her own or add her to his plan. Depending on how ur plan works, you may need to get her phone back or pay for it.
Since I still have a landline, I don't use a cell phone that much so I am with Tracfone. I buy minutes as I go. I bought my phone outright but they allow you to bring one you have over. It cost me a lot less than $70 a month. 500 min can last me the 60days allowed and its $25 for those minutes. I get text and data too. When I sign up again, any minutes I have left roll over.
I would not allow Mom to say "I will pay you". It won't happen. She can find her own plan for $70 or less. Don't let her guilt you. When she says brother loves her staying there just say "That is so nice Mom. Glad you and brother are enjoying each other" Unless brother is the "Golden Child", she won't be able to hide her personality for too long. Does brother have a wife? If so its her house her rules.
It works for GSM or CDMA phones, and you keep your number. Finding a cheaper plan won't solve the problems, but it could be a start in making you feel better about some things. The family line add-on is $15 per month if you decide to keep her on your plan. Or help her get on her own plan with the premise of saving money.
She's a grown up if she wants a phone she can pay for it herself. Straight talk has a 35.00 plan and mint mobile is even cheaper. In the old days no one had a cell phone and it was fine. If she is low iincome they have free phones for seniors too.
The point is not the phone or the cost it's that paying her phone bill keeps you teethered to her. And involved with her.
Cancel the phone and let her figure it out. Or give her 10 days so she can transfer the current number to the new phone.