What do I say to my mom living with me and is asking to go back home?
I don't want her to be sad, but she can't go back there. My mom has lung cancer and dementia. Was not safe at her home with my selfish and uncaring dad. Once she was put on hospice, the nurse and social worker figured it out real quick and said she could not stay there. I took fmla and moved her home with me just before Christmas. Had to lie to her to get her into the car, with much support and coaching by the social worker. She has been at my house more than 2 weeks now. The nurse, home health aid and social worker come by and are pleased. In her home she was laying day and night on a little loveseat, there were often ants all over the tables, food left out, general filth and my dad hollering at her that the house was clutttered. Yet she could barely get up. The home health aide would bang on the door and call phone over and over again for 15 mins before the door was answered and would walk in to this filthy house. I was driving 3 times a week after work to clean and bring food. But due to moms dementia, the meals I left in her refrigerator would go uneaten because she didn't open the fridge and my dad would not heat up the meals for her. I had been a nervous wreck and could not even concentrate at my job. Oh and my dad said he would refuse to answer the door for meals on wheels. Anyway, mom is here, I care for her, prepare meals, visit with her, watch tv etc. yet she often says she wants to go home. What do i say! I usually say oh maybe in a couple days and hope she forgets. I don't know if it's the regular meals and general care, but she is remembering certain things! Like that she wants to go back home! What do I say to her? I don't want her to be sad, but she can't go back there.
That happened with my Mom when she moved into Long Term Care. She kept asking to go home. I thought it was the house that she was sharing with my Dad. Until one day she asked if the cattle were out in the field. Say what? The last house she lived where there was cattle was her childhood home in another State back 80 some years ago.
You are doing the right thing by telling your Mom "oh maybe in a couple days"... I did the same with my Mom.
Continue to divert your mom's attention away from "home" and hopefully she'll forget about it in time.
Yet, she often talks about going back home. And she is specifically talking about the house she just came from. She realizes that it is rented out and often asks me when the tenants lease is up so that she can move back. I do understand. She lived there for 50 years prior to moving in with me. We furnished her apartment with furniture from her old house and have all of her old artwork and knick knacks on display.
I have tried to explain to her that she can no longer live alone therefore can't move back but now I just make comforting noises and give her non-committed answers when she asks.
Keep up what you are doing. As mom gets some strength back try to get her engaged in some meaningful activities. The adjustment to your house may take a lot of time, and it may not ever be absolutely complete, but she needs to be where she is, so hang in there!