Her mother has started to forget and repeat things, and getting aggravated at things...and she doesn’t really know what to do and how to help her mother. Would it hurt to play home movies for her mother if she has started forgetting who some of them are..? Please help a concerned friend! Thanks
I don't know of playing home movies would be of help... it might make your friend's Mom more frustrated if she doesn't recall who the people are in those home movies.
My oldest girlfriend's mother has Alzheimers and my DH doesn't. I tell her what is working for my Ray but I don't tell her to try anything. We are all different and her mother's needs are different from my Ray's.
Point in case, my BIL has Pulmonary Fibrosis and it's terminal. No cure. I try to be here for my sister but she gets defensive and yells at me. So I show her understanding but had to learn "NO OPINIONS" - only relate what is helping Ray. Admit that no, I haven't experienced that and commiserate.
With my GF, I do the same - no, we haven't had that problem or yes, we have and this is what has worked for us.
Share information, don't Tell information. I hope I am explaining this ok.
Listen, listen, listen! Be there to offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting as anyone caring for an individual w Alzheimer’s or dementia knows how challenging it can be.
Old home movies are usually good though. They may bring a smile and fond thoughts. Even if the lady doesn't remember who the people are, they usually can sense that it's a good time, loving thoughts, fun, laughter, etc. and bring them comfort. But, I don't see how it will help her remember people. With the dementia, it's not really an option to keep memories, that I am aware of. There are some medications that help, but, that's another topic.
One thing that I did do that REALLY helped a friend of mine. She thanked me profusely and really said it helped and that was recommending the book The 36 Hour Day. It's a care guide book on dementia.
She may have to "try on" a few before she finds one that fits her.
One thing that I always found that made things "easier" for me was...after every support group I was able to leave saying..."at least I have it easier than XXXX" And my hope was that when I shared what was going on in my life at the time a "new-be" could leave and say.."at least I have it easier than Grandma1954"
We all travel the same way, the end of the journey is the same but we all take different roads to get there. Some travel an easier road, some much more difficult, some the trip is fast and others take the slow road.
Do tell her that she needs to discuss now, if it is still possible, what her mom expects, and what your friend can do. Often there is a vast disparity between the two. Can she care for her Mom or will her Mom be in Memory Care?
If she has other health problems what will you do? Treat and extend life (such as it will be) or treat pain and symptoms as they come?
Lots of discussions and if it is just your friend it might be easier, if your friend has siblings things get a bit more difficult.
1. Try not to force your loved ones to remember
2. Be gentle
3. Give love and then give some more love
4. Enjoy your loved one
5. Do not lie or tell them things that will only confuse them more
6. Keep conversations simple, as though your speaking to fast will confuse them. No big words.
7. Be there for your friends, not necessarily to do anything, just be there in the room with them. That means a lot
Best of luck youtu.be/-cjHVHVvQzM
thank you for posting that video, it's a great inspiration.
I think you really gave the best tips.