My mother will be 92 in December. I work part time. Hubby works full time. I have no sibling support. One daughter who is local, works full time has offered to help. My mother is fairly “independent” with mobility issues (fall risk /uses walker). Mother takes care of all of her medications. We are moving her in due to Covid- 19 concerns for the winter. Planning on moving her in by Thanksgiving. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
If she is as "independent" as you say, then she can go into Assisted Living and be extremely safe from covid. You retain your privacy, your marriage and finances aren't strained and you avoid the possibility of burn out. My MIL is in LTC in a facility. They had 9 deaths in LTC and MC and 0 in AL because they don't have much staff contact and can limit it voluntarily. Staff brought in the virus. My 85-yr old MIL had covid and recouped completely.
Providing hands-on care sounds good in theory as long as you are realistic about it all. At 92 (and a fall risk) your mom will not be independent much longer if she takes a hard tumble, which can still easily happen in your home under your watchful eyes. I read a statistic that said once a senior begins to fall it takes about 2-ish years before they have an inevitable catastrophic fall that necessitates LTC. Cognition is the other variable that can change significantly in a short period of time. I'm seeing this in my own very healthy, very independent 91-yr old mother (who FYI mowed her lawn by herself a few days ago). But her short-term memory, filter and attention span have all decreased in less than a year. I'm needing to mind her more every day (she lives in the house next to me).
I'm truly not trying to "talk you out" of moving her in...just encouraging you to please into it with your eyes wide open. Go to the home page of this forum and click on the Burn Out topic and read what some very well-meaning, smart people are now going through because caregiving for even 1 person in decline is not a walk in the park. Also, do not assume that people who say they are "willing" to "help" you now will remain that willing as the needs become more daily and intense. Family is under no obligation to make the same sacrifice as you. Your mom is lucky to have such a daughter as yourself. I wish you much clarity and wisdom as you make this decision.
Also, how is your daughter who works full time intending to 'help'? I am an only child and my 2 children say all the time how they'll help out with grandma and never do. They visit once in a blue moon and call about once a month. As much as they know it will help ME if they call and visit, they still don't do it b/c they work full time and just don't put it on their 'to-do' lists.
Who will be with your mother while you and DH are working? What are the precautions you've taken like a Life Line in case she falls? Cameras? Have you put in shower rails for safety in her bathroom? Will her walker be able to glide over carpets or floors in your home easily? Are there trip hazards like throw rugs to pull up?
Anyway, I'd look into inviting an occupational therapist over to your home to help you figure out how to make it handicap accessible for your mothers arrival, should you move forward with the decision. Also keep in mind that she will probably never leave...........one fall or one illness and that will make her weaker and very unlikely to want to move again. Just the realities you should know and keep in mind when making such a big decision that will affect you and your husband's lives.
Good luck!