My mother meets men in dating websites from other countries. They profess they love to each other and more then one man at a time she chats with and it’s basically the same conversation with each man. Up until I was granted adult guardianship a year ago she would send these men every penny she got from SSI. Now she has no money to send them. However, she still continues to talk to different men, and they love her so much and will be coming to the United States very soon and are going to marry her and live happily ever after, etc... we all know the scam artist tactics. When confronting her she will say I’m not talking to him anymore or I haven’t talked to him in a long time ( even when you have proof in front of her) and then she will play the pity party, and cry and tell us all to leave her alone and never talk to her again. She is currently living in my home for the past 3 months. It’s unhealthy for her, she’s putting herself and my family at risk as these men are from other countries and who knows who they are affiliated with. Just today one of them asked her in a chat “how is our daughter and her husband doing “ referring to me and my husband. I’ve set limits on our WiFi she gets around them somehow. I know I need to take her computer and cell phone from her. But how do I approach her with that and not make her feel isolated? She will not socialize with us when we are home from work or have family get togethers, she isolates herself to her room to stay on the phone or computer living in her fantasy world. Any advice would be appreciated. How do I deal with this? Does she need more care then what I can provide? Help
When elders get to this point they must be protected from themselves. Ya gotta shut this down no matter how much she squawks.
First you need to make sure there is no way anyone could access your personal data on your network - make sure any computer she is using is scrubbed of personal info, and secure any devices that are on the same network. Change all your passwords for everything. You can set up user accounts on your computer network, limiting your mom to her own "screen" and denying access to the administrator level.
Then I would suggest you need to check your security questions with anyone you have credit with (credit card companies, banks, investment firms, mortgage companies, etc.), and change them to ones your mother would not know the answers to. (How many of us have our mother's maiden name, somebody's birthdate, or the name of our first pet as security questions?) If your PIN for any card or account might be just a familiar number/word to your mom (such as a birthdate), change it now. (Not saying she would deliberately give this info away, but someone may go "phishing" for things like birthdates, maiden names, etc.) Monitor your accounts often - not just once a month when the statements come in. If it's possible she knows the access numbers to any of these things, or even just the numbers on your cards, you may need to change them as soon as possible - and don't let anyone in the family leave their wallets or financial information where they're accessible to your mom. If she is enmeshed deeply in the fantasy and believes you are thwarting "true love," she may become desperate to get money to her "beloved."
You should also have a look at your credit reports from all 3 major credit bureaus right away. You are entitled to one free report per year from each of them. If you notice anything suspicious, you can put a fraud alert on your reports for 90 days. Honestly, if you haven't figured out a way to prevent your mother from giving away personal info by the 90 days, you should probably put a security freeze on all your credit reports. (If a lender can't access your credit report, they're not likely to give away credit to someone using your name.)
2) Sign up to the website yourself (or an understanding family member), and become 2-3 different "paramours" she can talk to.
Block all the rest.
Otherwise, follow the careful security precautions recommended by the other posters.
Obviously the feeling of having men fawn over her is great...she's living out a fantasy, but you're right, it's a HUGE risk not only to herself but your family. Depending on what information she has shared, your mother might have had her identity stolen in addition to her money.
How was your mother sending these people money? If you haven't already; check with her bank and let them know to keep an eye out for suspicious behaviour on any accounts she still has open.
Of course, Mom will still be in denial, but she and you can learn from the show how to narrow it down more. The show shows you what to look for on Passports to tell if the passport is a fake, etc. And what excuses to look out for if the fellow keeps delaying visiting Mom. These catfishers rarely fly to the U.S.
This catfishing can even snag a person in their 40's who own their own business. You just need to take over Mom's finances as she is making poor decisions with her money.
No man worth his salt will allow a lady to pay for anything. Your Mom needs to get back into that generational mindset again.
I also believe there is a website where if a guy sends Mom a photo, that the software of that website can see if the photo can be matched. All these "catfishes" use other people's photos. I just don't know the name of that website :(
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