I tried using a whiteboard calendar in the kitchen and going over it with her each day. However, she has no short-term memory and she cannot remember anything myself or my dad tell her. Having the calendar does not seem to work. However, she gets increasingly agitated about not knowing what is going on each day. Perhaps I should move the whiteboard calendar to a more prominent place in the kitchen. Right now, you would not see it every day if you did not know where to look. Any thoughts from anyone?
I tell Mom what were doing a day ahead. Usually she forgets. I tell her in the morning and again about 1 1/2 hour's before. Lot's of times she'll say oh were doing such and such acting surprised. Best thing for me is just doing things Spur of the moment. moment
A similar example is mom wants to know what her medications are. She asks all the time. We wrote them down for her on the whiteboard but that just became a prompt for her to ask about them again. I don’t know how many times we have gone over what the medications are and what they are used for. She would get so worried that she couldn’t read what we had written - or if she could read it - ask a million questions about it. Is it the same one? Is the dose the same? What is it for? Which doctor? How long have I been on it? Is that the one that makes me feel happy? It was better to just brush it off when ask asked about it because the list of medications caused her more anxiety.
I agree with those who say the less information the better. I still get asked a million questions and sometimes she will surprise me and know we have an upcoming appointment that I assume she forgot but in the end whiteboards and other lists just seem to be a source of frustration and something else to fret about and obsess over.
In my case, we either had to use pictures or verbalize it. A long time ago, she said she could only do ONE thing a day. So we had a board that had the one thing. However, she would forget to look at the board. Basically, she just wanted someone to tell her the answer.
We could never forecast if she could remember or not. Sometimes she took us by surprise and when we used a different term, she would say "but yesterday, you told me x". Then we had to explain the relationship x had with what was just said. It was usually lost on her, however, there were the times when she wanted to understand every little detail (and of course we were in a rush by then).
Once I put her into senior day care, her days became more regular and routine. Even though there was the occasional appointment, the fact that she went to senior day care everyday, was something she could count on and she could depend upon and then she quit asking (because the answer was "you are going to senior day care")
So in response to your question, maybe the answer to the issue is that her days are not routine enough. Maybe you need to remove activities off her calendar so that her days become more blase and predictable.
Just thoughts...
We also used a small whiteboard-not a calendar-and would write that day’s activities on it and/or pertinent facts:
Tuesday- Breakfast
Visit Mom’s house
Lunch
Doctor Brown at 2pm
Dinner
Today is your birthday-you will probably get many calls
We had the aids or us mark out the events as they happened-sometimes he’d erase it himself. We kept it on the table next to his chair.
Have you tried not discussing a schedule at all, or if she asks, telling her she has nothing scheduled for the day?
Her agitation probably isn't about the schedule so much as it's frustration with how out of whack things seem to her. She could be trying to balance out the effects of the disease by wanting the structure a schedule provides, not realising that she can't recall anything around it.
My mom was always a monthly calendar kind of gal, so has kept on with a paper pocket calendar that has birthdays and holidays marked on it. (no appointments or events). She crosses off each day. I think having something she can carry gives her a physical cue. Visual cues stop working after a while.
If your mom persists, can you divert her with her some repetitive tasks, like folding laundry? If you think that she's focusng a bit too much on the schedule, like an obsession, perhaps talk to her physician for some low dose anti-anxiety medication?
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Pictures of things like teethbrushing, shower prep, breakfast, preparing for bed can be used every day, of course. This can help with reminders about daily routines as well. After a while, there's a shift so it's not you telling her what to do. In a way, the "schedule" becomes the boss.
Me too, with my Dad. I am now at the “writing notes and putting them on things” stage.
Best of everything to you in your journey!
I used post it notes on the cabinets when my spouse would forget where things were. However eventually the notes became meaningless to him. I went with pictures ( a simple drawing ) of what was in cabinets. That helped for a bit, then eventually it didn’t. If she can’t remember to check white board or doesn’t understand what’s on white board, quit using it. Don’t expect her to learn it.
Or you could try just putting one thing on the board at a time…like whatever is next in her day. But that’s harder for you to keep up with. And moving the board to a prominent place also.
Again, she may be getting past that. Sadly, agitation is part of dementia. You’d be agitated too if you wanted to know something, but just couldn’t understand what you were seeing or being told.
Just be patient and loving with her the best you can. Dementia doesn't allow for many answers to the things we run across as caregivers.
Have you considered trying something suitable for children with pictures for activities? Often you can find stickers to put on a calendar instead of words.
Make a colorful daily schedule with pictures.
She no longer understands the written word. You are trying to force her to understand, she has lost the ability to link things together, all this whiteboard stuff is frustrating her, it is like making her take a test, one that she will fail.
Just tell when needed and forget about trying to keep her informed of a schedule, what does she need one for anyway?
I am sure her daily schedule is basically the same day in and day out.
At some point you'll have to abandon the whiteboard and tell mom what she needs to know just before she needs to know it. Such as, "We'll be leaving for the dentist's office in fifteen minutes. Let's go put on your nice shoes." Minimize conversation about how she went to see Aunt Gertrude yesterday and how the grandkids will be over next week. (Who is Aunt Gertrude? What grandkids? What is a week?) They increasingly live in the present. Even chance comments by dad about how there was an earthquake in California yesterday can confuse. (What is an earthquake? Is California where I live? Yesterday?) For that reason, keep small talk to a minimum. Yes, that's a loss of companionship, but others have to accommodate to their brain, not her brain to yours.
Medicine to calm her down might help a lot.
That’s what my friend did with her mom. Whiteboard didn’t work anymore. Memory too short.
I'd place it anywhere she would see it easily. Unsightly or not.
She needs structure. Greet her when she wakes and say what is on the agenda for the day.. At breakfast, say what is on the agenda for the day. Whenever she asks, say what's on the agenda. Don't get frustrated, if possible, just because you are repeating yourself.
Her brain is dying and apparently the short term memory section is gone.
If she is constantly agitated I would talk to her doctor about putting her on medication for that as there are several available to help with agitation. And just tell her day of if she has anything going on that day.
I mean how many things can a person with dementia have going on anyway that you'd need a calendar? Her life should now be kept as simple and conflict free as possible, especially if all this "going" is causing her such anxiety.
position with my husband.