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I tried using a whiteboard calendar in the kitchen and going over it with her each day. However, she has no short-term memory and she cannot remember anything myself or my dad tell her. Having the calendar does not seem to work. However, she gets increasingly agitated about not knowing what is going on each day. Perhaps I should move the whiteboard calendar to a more prominent place in the kitchen. Right now, you would not see it every day if you did not know where to look. Any thoughts from anyone?

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Yep tried a large white board now it's used to keep the dogs in the kitchen and family room. Only thing is now one knows how to move board and the other 2 little dogs follow.
I tell Mom what were doing a day ahead. Usually she forgets. I tell her in the morning and again about 1 1/2 hour's before. Lot's of times she'll say oh were doing such and such acting surprised. Best thing for me is just doing things Spur of the moment. moment
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I agree with the other comments about how a whiteboard isn’t any help and might make things worse. We had one for mom and she couldn’t read it so we wrote bigger. She still couldn’t see it and then would get mad at us because she couldn’t read it like it was our fault. Sometimes she would obsess over what was on the whiteboard. Sometimes we would go over and it was missing completely after a fit. It just didn’t work.

A similar example is mom wants to know what her medications are. She asks all the time. We wrote them down for her on the whiteboard but that just became a prompt for her to ask about them again. I don’t know how many times we have gone over what the medications are and what they are used for. She would get so worried that she couldn’t read what we had written - or if she could read it - ask a million questions about it. Is it the same one? Is the dose the same? What is it for? Which doctor? How long have I been on it? Is that the one that makes me feel happy? It was better to just brush it off when ask asked about it because the list of medications caused her more anxiety.

I agree with those who say the less information the better. I still get asked a million questions and sometimes she will surprise me and know we have an upcoming appointment that I assume she forgot but in the end whiteboards and other lists just seem to be a source of frustration and something else to fret about and obsess over.
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My mom sounds just like yours. I used to put everything on the calendar in the kitchen. This prompted repetitive questions about everything on the calendar for the whole month. So I stopped writing ANYTHING on the calendar. It was too difficult for both of us! I only tell her what we are doing the day before at the earliest. Just tell her the least amount of information as possible. I would tell my mom that I will let her know well in advance when she needs to get ready for anything. If she continues to be agitated, I would go the med route to calm her down a bit.
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I'm in a similar situation, except that I live 2000 miles away, so I cannot be there to remind her about anything. She has a home helper who comes three days a week, and every week now I get angry phone calls about why they aren't there. They call her to confirm each visit; I remind her when I talk with her, but she is not able to remember. Mom is unfortunately of a very nasty, critical disposition and every frustration shows itself as complaints, insults, and anger at me, at the caregivers, at the agency. She simply cannot remember, and if you even try to say "But she called you this morning about it," she gets furious and denies it and goes into a rant about how incompetent and useless they are. I believe it is past time to relocate her to residential care, but that's a whole 'nother nightmare (tried it last year... disaster). If she was just forgetful and anxious, it would be one thing, but she is so hateful and nasty... :-(
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From my experience, a calendar is too complicated. To be able to use it, you would have to know what day today is and even if you have an x through yesterday, she won't be able to find today.

In my case, we either had to use pictures or verbalize it. A long time ago, she said she could only do ONE thing a day. So we had a board that had the one thing. However, she would forget to look at the board. Basically, she just wanted someone to tell her the answer.

We could never forecast if she could remember or not. Sometimes she took us by surprise and when we used a different term, she would say "but yesterday, you told me x". Then we had to explain the relationship x had with what was just said. It was usually lost on her, however, there were the times when she wanted to understand every little detail (and of course we were in a rush by then).

Once I put her into senior day care, her days became more regular and routine. Even though there was the occasional appointment, the fact that she went to senior day care everyday, was something she could count on and she could depend upon and then she quit asking (because the answer was "you are going to senior day care")

So in response to your question, maybe the answer to the issue is that her days are not routine enough. Maybe you need to remove activities off her calendar so that her days become more blase and predictable.

Just thoughts...
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tbevan25: Abandon the whiteboard idea. Instead, tell mom what she needs to know right before doing it.
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2 things helped my FIL-we got him a Lifetime clock-it says SUNDAY afternoon 4:40pm and in smaller print, August 20, 2023. It helped him to know what day it was, what time of day (morning, afternoon, evening.
We also used a small whiteboard-not a calendar-and would write that day’s activities on it and/or pertinent facts:
Tuesday- Breakfast
Visit Mom’s house
Lunch
Doctor Brown at 2pm
Dinner
Today is your birthday-you will probably get many calls

We had the aids or us mark out the events as they happened-sometimes he’d erase it himself. We kept it on the table next to his chair.
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A person with moderate dementia won't be able to pick up a new routine. (Yup, I did a whiteboard too, on Mom's door. Total fail.) If I need to go somewhere with her I just give her 30 minutes to get ready & we're off. Anything else creates repetitive questions.
Have you tried not discussing a schedule at all, or if she asks, telling her she has nothing scheduled for the day?
Her agitation probably isn't about the schedule so much as it's frustration with how out of whack things seem to her. She could be trying to balance out the effects of the disease by wanting the structure a schedule provides, not realising that she can't recall anything around it.

My mom was always a monthly calendar kind of gal, so has kept on with a paper pocket calendar that has birthdays and holidays marked on it. (no appointments or events). She crosses off each day. I think having something she can carry gives her a physical cue. Visual cues stop working after a while.

If your mom persists, can you divert her with her some repetitive tasks, like folding laundry? If you think that she's focusng a bit too much on the schedule, like an obsession, perhaps talk to her physician for some low dose anti-anxiety medication?
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If you are noticing increased anxiety or other symptoms, confer with her PCP who can reassess pt overall health presentation and offer options which might include medication to assist if/ as needed.
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Perhaps Apple Watches can provide the services Mom needs, make a call to support for the disabled (copy and paste):

"Boundary Care" - https://apps.apple.com/us/app/boundarycare-watch-based-gps/id1474130809
- https://www.techtimes.com/articles/248591/20200404/boundarycare-for-apple-watch-helps-keep-alzheimers-patients-safe.htm

https://www.myhealthyapple.com/how-to-set-up-and-use-an-apple-watch-for-parent-or-an-older-adult-in-your-care/

-https://support.apple.com/guide/watch/reminders-apdf10efb1bf/watchos
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I'd suggest taking pictures of her doing routine activities, as well as some simple ones like being at the store or at her doctor's office or having a cup of tea or coffee with a favorite relative. Laminate them (if desired) and glue a loop on top. Put a word label on if that's meaningful. Tack the appropriate ones to a cork board in the order they'll happen each day. The loop lets you turn them over easily as the "event" is complete. That way you can look at the cork board together to see what is next.

Pictures of things like teethbrushing, shower prep, breakfast, preparing for bed can be used every day, of course. This can help with reminders about daily routines as well. After a while, there's a shift so it's not you telling her what to do. In a way, the "schedule" becomes the boss.
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If she is still able to read and comprehend just not retain maybe rather than a calendar that has multiple days and info switch to a white board on which you can put just the info for the day each morning or the night before. Maybe the day of the week written out Lund date at the top and then and appointments or visits she has scheduled with as few words as possible and each with a line of its own well separated. The board could be placed in a place of prominence for her habits so in her room if that’s where she spends most of her time, in the kitchen if it’s the thoroughfare, the hall way or her area in the living room wherever it is that makes the most sense in her day and her access. Where will she look for it first not where you and your father try to train her to look and keep in mind that the spot that makes sense to her brain today may not be the same spot that makes sense next week. On the other hand you might be lucky! This also probably won’t work for ever but it might help her just knowing it’s there and she will satisfy herself that she understands it. If the time comes that she insists something wasn’t on the days info that is ie; granddaughter visit…”I didn’t know she was coming today” “It’s on the schedule” “no it isn’t” don’t fight it just go with it “your right I wasn’t clear I’m sorry” trust me this will be so much easier for both of you.
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As you can read by most of the answers, things are constantly changing for her, and you will be adapting as best as you can.
Me too, with my Dad. I am now at the “writing notes and putting them on things” stage.
Best of everything to you in your journey!
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She may be past that stage where a white board helps her. With dementia eventually they don’t understand the written word.

I used post it notes on the cabinets when my spouse would forget where things were. However eventually the notes became meaningless to him. I went with pictures ( a simple drawing ) of what was in cabinets. That helped for a bit, then eventually it didn’t. If she can’t remember to check white board or doesn’t understand what’s on white board, quit using it. Don’t expect her to learn it.

Or you could try just putting one thing on the board at a time…like whatever is next in her day. But that’s harder for you to keep up with. And moving the board to a prominent place also.

Again, she may be getting past that. Sadly, agitation is part of dementia. You’d be agitated too if you wanted to know something, but just couldn’t understand what you were seeing or being told.

Just be patient and loving with her the best you can. Dementia doesn't allow for many answers to the things we run across as caregivers.
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My mom enjoyed seeing details on her calendar with the name of the person visiting.

Have you considered trying something suitable for children with pictures for activities? Often you can find stickers to put on a calendar instead of words.

Make a colorful daily schedule with pictures.
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Do you need to update your profile? It says you are living with her. It is now time to change your behavior and remove written words. Set your timer and tell her of her next activity. If she was in MC, this is what staff would do to ensure she is in the right place. Plus the daily schedule would be consistant.
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She is over the whiteboard stage, we had one for our step-mother before she was moved to MC, all it did was make it worse as she could not follow it.

She no longer understands the written word. You are trying to force her to understand, she has lost the ability to link things together, all this whiteboard stuff is frustrating her, it is like making her take a test, one that she will fail.

Just tell when needed and forget about trying to keep her informed of a schedule, what does she need one for anyway?

I am sure her daily schedule is basically the same day in and day out.
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During mid-stage dementia I tried putting info on my mother’s calendar plus bought a digital calendar clock. I also displayed a sign on the days when a woman was coming to clean her house, do her laundry and prepare her lunch. No matter how much I explained, nor how simple and obvious I made it, she lost the ability to connect the dots. Which made her angry, as she was certain we weren’t telling her anything. There may no longer be a way to keep her informed.
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You can move it to a more prominent place, but that might increase the questions. She may not be able to read it anymore, and all those markings on the board are incomprehensible and she knows it has to do with where she's supposed to be but how can she understand if you're writing what appears to be gibberish? And the more she gets agitated about it, the more she's confused. This is how they start thinking. Or not thinking.

At some point you'll have to abandon the whiteboard and tell mom what she needs to know just before she needs to know it. Such as, "We'll be leaving for the dentist's office in fifteen minutes. Let's go put on your nice shoes." Minimize conversation about how she went to see Aunt Gertrude yesterday and how the grandkids will be over next week. (Who is Aunt Gertrude? What grandkids? What is a week?) They increasingly live in the present. Even chance comments by dad about how there was an earthquake in California yesterday can confuse. (What is an earthquake? Is California where I live? Yesterday?) For that reason, keep small talk to a minimum. Yes, that's a loss of companionship, but others have to accommodate to their brain, not her brain to yours.

Medicine to calm her down might help a lot.
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ventingisback Aug 2023
“At some point you'll have to abandon the whiteboard and tell mom what she needs to know just before she needs to know it.”

That’s what my friend did with her mom. Whiteboard didn’t work anymore. Memory too short.
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She doesn’t know how to make the connection with the whiteboard and her brain it sounds like to me.
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Is she in the kitchen most of the time? I would put the schedule board where she is, next to her chair, her room. Maybe just list one or two things at a time, list WHERE she needs to be - in her room, in her chair, in the dining area, in the bathroom.
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Can she still read easily? or know that she is supposed to read the sign?
I'd place it anywhere she would see it easily. Unsightly or not.

She needs structure. Greet her when she wakes and say what is on the agenda for the day.. At breakfast, say what is on the agenda for the day. Whenever she asks, say what's on the agenda. Don't get frustrated, if possible, just because you are repeating yourself.
Her brain is dying and apparently the short term memory section is gone.
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Often times folks with dementia lose their ability to read and to comprehend the written word and even lose their ability to understand the spoken word, so I'm not so sure that moving the whiteboard calendar to "a more prominent place" will do any good either.
If she is constantly agitated I would talk to her doctor about putting her on medication for that as there are several available to help with agitation. And just tell her day of if she has anything going on that day.
I mean how many things can a person with dementia have going on anyway that you'd need a calendar? Her life should now be kept as simple and conflict free as possible, especially if all this "going" is causing her such anxiety.
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Cheeky79 Aug 2023
I agree with you completely. As I am in the same
position with my husband.
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