She gets angry and then cries and cries as if they died yesterday. They both passed away many years ago. She's so shocked that no one told her that they are gone; but of course she knew years ago. Also, she starts packing her clothes to get ready to go back 'home' , which is South America! She's been in this country for 49 years, yet she insists she only stays here to visit for a few months then has to leave. My poor dad has to hide suitcases and carry on luggage to keep her from packing but she does it anyways by using plastic bags! How can i convince that she is home and her family is here?
miz
go stop by one of ur friend s house and tell a fib that aunt s not home or something like that , you do have to play along , theyre dreamin and theyre in the dream and can not shake and get out of it . only way to pop that dream is go do something about it .
hope it works out ,
Ihardebeck, you gave me a great idea for this weekend! I'm going to take my mom down the coast (I live close to Half Moon Bay) and visit nurseries (she loves plants), while listening to some of her favorite music. This will give my dad an additional break (she does go to adult day care 3 times/wk).
Thank you both for your input and much luck dealing with your own situations.
for what reason?will it help her?will it help u?
dealing with this disease, i have found I needed to change how I saw things and how I respond.
there will be many battles , what difference does it make if she believes they are alive?
if it helps her cope- what is the harm..
that it isnt the truth? whos truth?
her perception is her reality now, and that may not be the same as yours.
she needs to be respected- her feelings respected- she is losing control of so much-
she is frightened and frustrated-
maybe this helps her-
with my mom, i found logic and reality can be different at different stages-
it might be a way to protect or calm herself-
i dont think u can convince her no matter what u do-
but i also dont see why it is necessary-
is it for her or for u?
i send u huggs , lot of them-
this is a difficult and life changing time-
k
Currently, I'm constructing a letter to my mom from her 'aunt' telling her that she and her grandmother will be visiting her soon. I sure hope this helps to calm her down and maybe keep her occupied in prepping the house for 'their visit'. I feel rather guilty on deceiving her but, I'll have to look at it as a 'fiblet .
but i know with my mom, too much info only made it more difficult to follow-
i guess it depends what stage she is in. i found, the simpler the explanation, the easier it was to compute- and body language!!eye contact, quiet voice...
good luck- u r doing fine-
love
k
As far as the packing, can she get out of the house?? If not, then let her pack. But you may also consider an appt with her DR. to explain changes in her anxiety and depression. That is very commom, and there are meds that help them to calm down, not overmedicate them...I wish you well and as was said, about thier reality, I just go to her world, she no longer lives in mine. Hugs to you.
u do have to watch and check up on the meds though-
my experience with meds is that the doctors we have, seem to love to medicate!!
too much...over doing it- i wanted my mom not to be so depressed, not so anxious,nervous, and the dr went crazy with antipsychotics- and other
heavy drugs, that when i checked them out, most say- not recommended for elderly with dementia or not approved-- i felt they just wanted to sedate her,
i wanted to interact and keep her mind( the parts that are able) active-
instead , the bit of memory she does still have, isnt being used-
she just lays in bed and mumbles to herself- i hate this disease-
i am so bitter- and most likely you are not going to run into this- but..
just had to add my 2 cents- it doesnt hurt to ask what the meds are- for what? and side effects, and dosage, and how long she wouldneed it-
anyway, huggggs are always given to u-
k
Her perception is her reality, and the only thing I can suggest is to play along and act "as if." As dementia progresses, sometimes memory loss for recent events is severe and the person may appear to be living in the past. In your Mom's case, there's a sense of safety and stability in those vivid, palpable memories when everything else around her is one big, scary jumble. When you're running from yourself there's no place to hide; except, perhaps, in your own head (where you can refine memories etched in your subconscious into a sort of truth that allows you to live with yourself and endure everything else you have no control over).
So play along ... even when it hurts. Good luck.
-- ED