Can she do this? I just want to get her out of the house for a bit and go on a drive and get her a treat. I will have a strong male friend with me to help with getting her in and out of the car if necessary. She will be well cared for. I spend enough time with her during the week that I know her routine and needs. Her day consists of sitting in a recliner all day watching TV and I thought it would be nice to give her some stimulus. I feel it is definitely in her best interest to get out of the house and experience something other than sitting in front of the TV in a recliner. Her sister has never liked me and would prefer it if I wasn't in my mom's life at all. Her sister lives about 2 hours away and rarely visits (maybe every 3 or 4 months). I live 10 minutes away from my mom and visit her 3 to 4 times a week for several hours at a time. She is, and always has been, my best friend. We have always been extremely close. My mom made her sister her POA because, at the time, I was going through a really difficult time in my life. She was getting ready to change her POA to me when she was deemed incompetent. Can she stop me from taking her out of her memory care home for a short trip?
Your moms alz is advanced enough that she needs to be on a secure floor. She has adjusted there.
You can continue to spend all that time with your mother at the the MC, you just won't be able to take her off of the premises, which is likely a good idea anyway. Unless you have a ton of experience with advanced dementia and incontinence, you may not be prepared for what can transpire when you bring your mother into unfamiliar territory. It can turn into a nightmare in short order. Our idea of what's 'the right thing to do' isn't necessarily 'the right thing' TO do in reality!
My cousin lived about 100 miles away and came to visit about every 2 months. He went back to his normal visit routine of bringing an outside meal in with him and eating it in Dad's room or on the common area porch and had normal visits.
Even though my father functioned well in the MC environment, he had problems when taken outside of it - even for trips to the doctor. Your mother could have the same type of problems too. With ALZ, they could be a lot worse. Are you prepared if your mother tries to leave the car as you are driving down a highway? Becomes completely confused at a restaurant or home?
My MIL’s NH had an arrangement with a church that usually had three or more weddings on a Saturday. All the flowers were cleared out ready for the next batch, such a waste. They went to the NH for an activity – take them apart and fill a different vase etc. I actually enjoyed it myself, with her.
Dh and his sister think she needs to get out of the house (she has not left it in 3 years and that was to get ONE covid shot).
She is in OK shape and anything that 'stirs the pot' just ramps up her anxiety to epic proportions.
It's not the logistics of getting her in and out of the car, it's the emotional toll it takes on her.
I kind of get it--My Dh's idea of a perfect day is one where we drive aimlessly and if we get in 400 miles, 2 states and 12 counties..he's thrilled. Me? I want to drive up the canyon and have dinner and hike a little and go home.
If she requests a drive, or outing, that's one thing. But I bet she's not hankering to go anywhere. It's a nice gesture, but often leads to confusion and the re-adjustment to 'regular' life.
You mentioned you know your Mom's routine. Curious why would you want to throw a wrench into her routine by taking Mom out for a ride? Doesn't make sense. You could find yourself having an extremely difficult time trying to get your Mom to return back to Memory Care. Or if she does peacefully return, she could be a handful for the Staff saying she wants to leave, etc.
When my Dad was in Memory Care, not once did I ever think of taking Dad out for a ride, and here I was Dad's Power of Attorney. Routine is so very important, no interruptions.
that being said his brother cannot. She isn’t willing to return
I would not do it.