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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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How old is your dad? What sorts of care needs does he have?
My dad died when he and my mom were both in their mid-70s. My mom went back to college, finished her BS at 82. She went out with friends, did volunteer work at her church and generally kept quite busy until she was in her late 80s.
Living alone isn't the worst thing in the world. Perhaps you need a professional assessment of what dad's needs are.
I don't know how old your dad is, but I would just give him time to not only grieve the loss of his wife, but also to recover from his years of caregiving, as that does take a lot out of a person, physically, mentally and spiritually. He will more than likely feel a little lost for bit, but hopefully with a little encouragement from family and friends will get back out there and enjoy his life for as long as he can. Senior Services and the Shepherd Center have many programs for folks to get as involved as they choose to be, and for if and when he is ready to venture out again. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. Please just give your dad the time he now needs to figure out this next phase of his life. God bless you.
Shepherd centers, There are only 55 centers in 17 States. A quick look at their map (lousy website) they are concentrated in the South and midwest. When I put my zip code in their search, their was none within 100 miles of me.
As others have said, your father needs time. Living alone can be dealt with if one has, or develops, social connections and activities outside the home. I've lived alone since my husband passed away in 2022; he was 84. I'm 81 and doing fine. I was his caregiver for 5 years. He had Parkinson's, but cognitively was pretty much OK, and we were fortunate he had LTC insurance. Having the insurance made it possible for us to have home health aides 3 days a week for half-day shifts. Nonetheless, I was tied down as he couldn't be left alone except for an hour or so at a time. We spent a lot of time with various medical appointments, P.T., etc. Right after he died, it felt very strange to be able to just come and go as I pleased. I missed him terribly, and still do, but it did feel as though a burden had lifted. I am fortunate in that I was already dong some volunteer activity when we had the caregivers, and I've continued with that and added more. Having family locally is a help too. Do you live near your dad? Does he have family close by? What did he like to do before he was burdened with caregiving? These can be assets going forward.
You don't mention how old he is. It does help to know this. A 70 year old may bounce back but a 90 yr old not so much.
First thing, do not do what many do, move him into your home. That then means you take the place of his wife. You will need to entertain him or as some members have found out, he takes over your home. Some parents do not respect boundaries.
He needs to learn to be alone. You could check on him daily. Call him a certain time each night. Invite him out to dinner or to your house.
My Mom became a Widow at 78. She had her Church and widowed friends. She still drove then. She adjusted as well but missed Dad. They will always miss their spouses. But we as children cannot take the spouses place. Men, they tend to marry again, women not so much.
He may not. It is an individual journey. If he was always less social than your Mom he may just sit in the easy chair, take a few walks round the property, watch a bit of TV, make a TV dinner, go to bed.
You don't tell us his age, but we do get more tired. Truly we do. I am 81 and partner is 83. We get out more because he can still drive. We foster dogs still and I garden, but less and less, now just trimming it out, no longer planting a lot. Were I to lose him, I wouldn't foster alone. I would be happy enough puttering around here. I don't much enjoy "getting out" as you put it, other than a walk in nature here and there. Happy enough to read, listen to podcasts, cook up a batch of spaghetti sauce I can eat off of forever, write a bit here, do facebook, talk to my DD, watch American Rust or Ripley. I am "winding down".
Let him make his own way. You aren't responsible for his grief, his happiness. You aren't his caregiver, but his son. Be there for him. Let him talk if he wants to; don't make him. Tell him you'd love to take him out for a walk, shopping. Go watch a little tube with him. Look at old pictures together. Bring in some takeout pizza! Have memories. Follow his lead.
He may, of course surprise you! We see some stories here about Dad suddenly in love again. Some good and some bad stories.
Just be a loving kid. Let him talk. That's how you will learn how it's going for him. Know that we eat less and we don't need much to stay alive. We sleep more, and are often content to do so. It's great you care. Tell HIM that. Tell him your worries. Be honest. Like "Dad, you were such a great caregiver, and so occupied in doing that; I worry what you'll do with your time". Then let him tell you.
Many churches have grief support groups (and counselors) that would welcome him. Be on the lookout for signs of depression, which would not be uncommon or abnormal. My Mom, 94, just started the lowest dose of Lexipro and it made a difference for her.
As funkygrandma59 noted, he is recovering from 2 profound changes, not just 1.
Does he have any Hobbies like gardening or fishing ? Does he Like to camp ? Have you thought about taking Him to a cottage On a beach or a cruise ? I Think It is good to get away and move about in the world . Best thing would be a beach vacation and have some cook Outs . There are Hiking groups , travel groups he can Join . If he has a yard he could get a small dog . Living alone is Ok But you do need other people to talk to . Some people will go to the senior center or a community center for Lunch and classes .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
How old is your dad? What sorts of care needs does he have?
My dad died when he and my mom were both in their mid-70s. My mom went back to college, finished her BS at 82. She went out with friends, did volunteer work at her church and generally kept quite busy until she was in her late 80s.
Living alone isn't the worst thing in the world. Perhaps you need a professional assessment of what dad's needs are.
He will more than likely feel a little lost for bit, but hopefully with a little encouragement from family and friends will get back out there and enjoy his life for as long as he can.
Senior Services and the Shepherd Center have many programs for folks to get as involved as they choose to be, and for if and when he is ready to venture out again.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. Please just give your dad the time he now needs to figure out this next phase of his life.
God bless you.
I think I would feel as if a burden had been lifted as well.
First thing, do not do what many do, move him into your home. That then means you take the place of his wife. You will need to entertain him or as some members have found out, he takes over your home. Some parents do not respect boundaries.
He needs to learn to be alone. You could check on him daily. Call him a certain time each night. Invite him out to dinner or to your house.
My Mom became a Widow at 78. She had her Church and widowed friends. She still drove then. She adjusted as well but missed Dad. They will always miss their spouses. But we as children cannot take the spouses place. Men, they tend to marry again, women not so much.
If he was always less social than your Mom he may just sit in the easy chair, take a few walks round the property, watch a bit of TV, make a TV dinner, go to bed.
You don't tell us his age, but we do get more tired. Truly we do. I am 81 and partner is 83. We get out more because he can still drive. We foster dogs still and I garden, but less and less, now just trimming it out, no longer planting a lot. Were I to lose him, I wouldn't foster alone. I would be happy enough puttering around here. I don't much enjoy "getting out" as you put it, other than a walk in nature here and there. Happy enough to read, listen to podcasts, cook up a batch of spaghetti sauce I can eat off of forever, write a bit here, do facebook, talk to my DD, watch American Rust or Ripley. I am "winding down".
Let him make his own way. You aren't responsible for his grief, his happiness. You aren't his caregiver, but his son. Be there for him. Let him talk if he wants to; don't make him. Tell him you'd love to take him out for a walk, shopping. Go watch a little tube with him. Look at old pictures together. Bring in some takeout pizza! Have memories. Follow his lead.
He may, of course surprise you! We see some stories here about Dad suddenly in love again. Some good and some bad stories.
Just be a loving kid. Let him talk. That's how you will learn how it's going for him. Know that we eat less and we don't need much to stay alive. We sleep more, and are often content to do so.
It's great you care. Tell HIM that. Tell him your worries. Be honest. Like "Dad, you were such a great caregiver, and so occupied in doing that; I worry what you'll do with your time". Then let him tell you.
As funkygrandma59 noted, he is recovering from 2 profound changes, not just 1.