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Our relationship has more than it's fair share of problems



the point where even the police have become involved. the



problem is my husband has a form of O.C.D. plus an



overdeveloped "PATHOLOGICAL LIEING" problem. He's



made false police reports just to preempt me. ok, that era
is over. But he is so narcissistic, having been wealthy
w/ servants/maids etc. most of his life, that he refuses



to do any clean up ,even of his own messes. When I



nag him about it, he threatens to abandon me,



(I'm disabled age 64) and therefore leave me to



instant homelessness and death. This constant



threat does not deter me. I'm consulted iwth his



family, the Elder Adult Protective Agency, his



primary doctor, no one ever helps us. He needs



occupational therapy in Home care, but he



refuses, too ashamed to admit his deficiencies.



I'm being exploited, burnt out, and need time



for my own needs. i don't want anyone coming



in here trying to force either of us to stay, leave



or whatever. Govt. agencies can be too controlling.



We have both applied to IHHS but doctors won't



cooperate, or the IHHS agency Medi-cal or Medicare



won't approve even though we have documentation.



I feel that Medi-cal, (Medi-caid) who is refusing us



this deserved and needed care are GUILTY OF



ELDER ABUSE AND NEGLECT " by not giving us



the care and assistance we deserve and are



entitled to as residents of CA and citizens of



this ever so corrupted country we call America



So how do we pressure the Doctors to sign



certification letters, and Get IHHS to cease and



desist in abusing us via sheer neglect?

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I doubt very much you will "pressure" doctors to do anything they don't feel it is correct for them to do.

I see that you have tried many avenues, many agencies, and you feel that they are all unable to help you in any way

I am wondering what you might think we as a Forum from around the country and around the world might suggest that you haven't tried? I can't think of anything, myself. I hope that others will.

You describe yourself as disabled, but you tell us little about what that disability is. I can only suggest you consult a divorce area about separation of finances and a possible physical seperation from this man. I wish you the best best of luck.
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You say, “He threatens to abandon me, (I'm disabled age 64) and therefore leave me to instant homelessness and death.”

If you are legally married, you are entitled to something of your marital estate, and if he leaves you, divorce him and get what you are entitled to.

That’s one of the advantages of living in the United States of America. We have laws. Your post and all the unnecessary and untrue commentary has so annoyed me that I’ll quit here.
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From your profile:


About Me
I'm 62 disabled due to multiple injury,

arthritis, spinal, neck,shoulder, hip bursitis

. I'm in a lot of pain every day, but my

husband since day 1 five years ago

refuses to do any household work

, can not perform any duties, refuses

to clean up after himself, due to age

and dementia and mental illness, and

sheer abusive cruelty, psychological

blackmail. So i went away for 2 weeks,

and he incurred a serious home

infestation of roaches, spiders, rats

, mice. and I am burnt out trying to

keep up with his laziness/slovenliness.

i've asked his family and elder

services for help, but they all

l refuse, or can't force him to

do these things. He needs

occ. ther. and I've been doing

that 24/7 5 years/ 365. now i'ts

too much for me. he threatens

to abandon me if I continue

nagging him. he's had a nuerologist

do brain scans/test and YES, he has

brain damage from 4 strokes, 3

recently, lost all memory of protocol,

manners, no conscience, totally

malignant narcissistic personality

disorder...but we are partners in an

on stage comedy act...that's why i

love him. but I'm not able to care for

myself anymore due to his high

demand for a personal janitorial

valet.LOL a social worker is

coming from A.P. Serv. but I'm

afraid they might force us apart,

remove he or I from our home,

due to the obvious abusive nature

of his behavior as a deterent to

my own health.

Both of us are educated, He a J.D.l

me a teacher/writer/investigative

journalist/actor/singer/composer but

semi-retired. Both of us have applied

to IHHS from Medi-Cal / Medicare,

but doctors won't cooperate and IHHS

denies every application , 5 in total that

even my Primary Dr. approved 5 yrs ago.

it's not that i can't do everything, but I'm

in pain, and I've been working for hi 14

hrs. day, with no social life, just total

martyrdom. I need a break, and he's

getting worse. 50% illness/ 50% intentional

infliction of involuntary servitude on me. 

******************************
I think it would behoove you to relax with the drama and exaggerated stories and focus a bit.

Hire a housekeeper for instance. Nobody can force "involuntary servitude" on you without your consent.

Nobody's home will get infested with "roaches spiders rats and mice" in a 2 week period of time.

Why did you call APS if you're afraid the social worker will force you two apart?

You have rights in CA to communal property as a married woman, or as a common law wife if your not legally married. You can't be thrown out w/o legal recourse. Besides, what would become of the act?

You have a job as "an on stage comedy act" amongst other things, perhaps you make too much money to qualify for MEDICAID, in LA, where you live 😑

I suggest you use you own resources to pay for whatever care you need, even if that means selling your home and downsizing to a more easily
maintainable condo or the like.

Best of luck to you.
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Suz123 Oct 2023
Lealonnie, you are awesome! I always enjoy your thoughtful responses.
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