He has always been in total control so his personality isn’t changing and I’m the quiet one! We’ve been married 41 years so it’s pretty heartbreaking. Should I let him decide for now, or keep asking him to do something he will not do and it upsets him etc.
He's trying to have some control over his life, so let him. If theypre pain meds, maybe he'll finally ask for them when the pain is bad enough, OR he wants to feel the pain because it tells him he's alive.
Leave the man alone.
This is what Hospice is there for. Reach out to them. Wishing you the very best.