Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I acknowledge and authorize
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
"I am caring for my husband, who is 59 years old with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, incontinence, sleep disorder, and stroke.
I am a wife of 28 years but with my husbands 31 years I am a good wife I do everything for him but eat , sleep , and go to the bathroom for him I am good heated I love him to death I am in denial and it’s killing me to see him like this he can be so mean to me and hit me and I lie about to my family cause I don’t want him in a home care facility."
No, he's simply an abuser and no excuse makes it acceptable or excusable. You have a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him. Please get him out of your house immediately, or you leave, and get counseling.
Any time someone is going to kill you, it’s time to get out. Report it to the police and don’t ever go back.
There is nothing to love here. You’re better off without him. There are domestic violence shelters that will help you to be safe. Call one in your town and let them help.
Please change this situation. Either he goes or you go. You sound as though you are suffering some from Stockholm syndrome. Look that up. He is still young and this could go on and on. This is no way to live the rest of your life.
Get out or have him placed. The violence should help you with that choice and if reported should certainly help with having that done. Medication might help some but not likely enough sufficiently and he may resist. He will only get worse. This is no way for you to spend the rest of your life. If you don't heed the warnings given you here you are staying in a very serious pattern with your well being at risk.
Is this honestly how you want to spend the rest of your life? You don't deserve a habitual abuser anything more. You have tried suffered and there is no other solution.
I realize it is a difficult choice to make but given the abusive circumstances you really have no other alternative. Choose you and your well being.
Your post asks if the reason he is abusive now is his “illness”. He was abusive before, he is abusive now. The illness might be making it worse, but the fact is that he is, was and will almost certainly in the future be ABUSIVE. Being in a home care facility may not be what you want for him, but being in jail is worse. That’s where he will be if he kills you. The police might be a bit slow coming to stop him next time.
It’s hard to walk away from a long marriage, but it’s worse to be dead. GET OUT. Save yourself - and him.
You need to get him placed. You may need an Elder lawyer to help you do this. The lawyer will split your assets and his split will go towards his care. Then Medicaid is applied for. You remain in the home, have and have a car. He should be on Social Security Disability. You are entitled to some or all of that to live.
Next time he hits you, call the police and tell them he has Dementia and you can not have him back in your home because ur afraid of him. That will getvthe ball rolling.
I agree with notgoodenough that the reason is irrelevant.
Why would we guess at the reasons your husband is abusing you?
Go to a shelter. Then go to an attorney. On the way to him empty the bank accounts and put the cash in your name only until a separation is worked out. Make a call to APS if your husband is unable to care for himself and tell them that he is a senior at risk who is alone and in need of their assessment and that you have decided you will flee for your life. If you are POA ask them to relieve you of that duty; they will help you resign (if he is incompetent this must be legally done). Get a legal separation or divorce and do not go back.
For a short while, I lived with a man who'd hit me and hurt me, but I wasn't in denial about it and I didn't care if the police arrested his sorry arse and put him in jail. But that didn't happen, so I left him one morning at 5am after he'd beaten me up and was asleep in a drunken stupor. That was in 1977 when I was 20 years old. I never looked back, either, because I deserved a whole lot more and SO DO YOU. A care home is a lot better place than what this man deserves.
Stop making excuses for him and stand up for YOURSELF now. It's way past time you did. You're worth way more than he's led you to believe you are.
My ex husband was mentality abusive to me, never needed to be physically abusive, because I was well trained by my parents, then him.
When he was six he almost died several times, he was in a coma for encephalitis, came out of the coma with a gray spot on his hair, seizures and the worst was tunnel vision.
Until a few years ago I didn't realize how that probably effected his brain. When I had enough, I was looking for reason why he was the way he was. Ya know something, it didn't matter!!! Not at all!! I was being mentally controlled and gaslighted , constantly name called.
No one no matter what has the right to treat another person badly!! Please don't put up with it a minute longer!!!
Weather or not it's because he had brain damage or because of his health issues, he became the golden child. The reasons DON'T MATTER. What mattered was my health.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"I am caring for my husband, who is 59 years old with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, incontinence, sleep disorder, and stroke.
I am a wife of 28 years but with my husbands 31 years I am a good wife I do everything for him but eat , sleep , and go to the bathroom for him I am good heated I love him to death I am in denial and it’s killing me to see him like this he can be so mean to me and hit me and I lie about to my family cause I don’t want him in a home care facility."
No, he's simply an abuser and no excuse makes it acceptable or excusable. You have a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him. Please get him out of your house immediately, or you leave, and get counseling.
There is nothing to love here. You’re better off without him. There are domestic violence shelters that will help you to be safe. Call one in your town and let them help.
Get out or have him placed. The violence should help you with that choice and if reported should certainly help with having that done. Medication might help some but not likely enough sufficiently and he may resist. He will only get worse. This is no way for you to spend the rest of your life. If you don't heed the warnings given you here you are staying in a very serious pattern with your well being at risk.
Is this honestly how you want to spend the rest of your life? You don't deserve a habitual abuser anything more. You have tried suffered and there is no other solution.
I realize it is a difficult choice to make but given the abusive circumstances you really have no other alternative. Choose you and your well being.
It’s hard to walk away from a long marriage, but it’s worse to be dead. GET OUT. Save yourself - and him.
Get out of this dangerous situation first; worry about the "whys" of it after you're gone and safe.
Don't allow yourself to become a statistic and a headline on the 5 o'clock news.
Next time he hits you, call the police and tell them he has Dementia and you can not have him back in your home because ur afraid of him. That will getvthe ball rolling.
Why would we guess at the reasons your husband is abusing you?
Go to a shelter. Then go to an attorney. On the way to him empty the bank accounts and put the cash in your name only until a separation is worked out. Make a call to APS if your husband is unable to care for himself and tell them that he is a senior at risk who is alone and in need of their assessment and that you have decided you will flee for your life. If you are POA ask them to relieve you of that duty; they will help you resign (if he is incompetent this must be legally done). Get a legal separation or divorce and do not go back.
No one should put up with abuse.
Stop making excuses for him and stand up for YOURSELF now. It's way past time you did. You're worth way more than he's led you to believe you are.
When he was six he almost died several times, he was in a coma for encephalitis, came out of the coma with a gray spot on his hair, seizures and the worst was tunnel vision.
Until a few years ago I didn't realize how that probably effected his brain. When I had enough, I was looking for reason why he was the way he was. Ya know something, it didn't matter!!! Not at all!! I was being mentally controlled and gaslighted , constantly name called.
No one no matter what has the right to treat another person badly!! Please don't put up with it a minute longer!!!
Weather or not it's because he had brain damage or because of his health issues, he became the golden child. The reasons DON'T MATTER.
What mattered was my health.