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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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"...he is use to living with his mom and says she’s not going anywhere..."
I'm glad he has shown you his priorities before you committed to the relationship legally. Take him at his word. I would not marry (or even waste time dating) someone who didn't put his SO first. It won't get better over time. I would ditch him and his mommy.
Listen to your intuition. You say you are "having alot of aniexty about this move cuz I do enjoy my privacy and feel with her in the house I will lose my privacy".
You will lose your privacy and a lot more. This will never be your home; it will always be their home.
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are the third wheel?
Check out the tv show, I Love A Mamas Boy sometime. Omg. These men-children have ridiculously inappropriate relationships with their mothers and LOVE every minute of it. Nobody gets between the two of them, not a wife, a girlfriend, nobody. One "couple" even dresses alike. It's appalling. I can't watch the show in a regular basis bc it's too irritating, but it's also eye opening about the level of enmeshment some men have with their mothers.
If you're being "rude" by stating your feelings, then your fiance doesn't want a wife, just someone to play 2nd fiddle to his first love: mama. You'll always come last in his life.
I don't take well to being told what to do by a fiance or pretty much anyone else. Being told, "momma is not going anywhere except with us" would've gotten my hackles up big time. Let me guess, you'll also "be told" it's your job to take care of momma when shes sick, needing Depends changes, throwing fits, taking over the house and the kitchen, while you sit by dutifully keeping your mouth shut????
Your fiance needs a caregiver/housekeeper more so than a bride-to-be who's quiet and non confrontational methinks. What do YOU think, more importantly?
My dimwitted half sister took up with a man who came as a package deal with his 88 year old mother. Which my sister felt was fine bc she came as a package deal along with her 37 year old do-nothing daughter and 7 year old granddaughter. I warned her against moving into his house and becoming the carer for his mother, but she is as stubborn as a mule. To make a long story short, the man became the husband who then demanded my niece either get a full time job to pay him rent or take care of his mother, or get out. My niece gave him the finger, took her daughter and moved into a shelter in NYC. My sister is facing becoming the caregiver for DHs mother, naturally.
When you face a "strings attached" relationship, you need to be very wary of it, imo. Read this forum for awhile to get an idea of what it looks like to live with a MIL. Me, I'd tell this fiance thanks but no thanks.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult decision.
You may like your boyfriend's mother very much. You may even love her, but if you live together that will soon change.
My father used to say that women were like bees and there can only be one queen in a hive. When there's two they will fight to the death. One queen in a hive. One woman in a house.
No living with your boyfriend's mother. Talk him into moving her to an independent senior community while she's still able to look after herself. Then when she can't homecare comes in, or AL, or LTC. This way you don't end up being her caregiver.
Also, here's another bit of useful advice. Don't live with your boyfriend too long. Get married. This is how you really start a life with someone and it will give you certain legal rights. When you're just living together in a boyfriend's house he can kick you out in a second. It's not that easy to when you're legally married. Look out for yourself and your best interests, sister.
My DH had a weird relationship with his mother that I did not 'see' until we had been married for a few years. He kept us apart all the time we were dating, and for good cause--had I known what a harridan she was, I would not have married him. Of that I am 100% certain.
She never lived with us, but she kept her claws in him until the day she died. She was the #1 woman in his life, not out of love, but duty, guilt and for the sake of peace.
No house is lovely enough for this dynamic. If you choose to move in, you will always be 2nd. Always.
She could easily live 20 more years. Think about that.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm glad he has shown you his priorities before you committed to the relationship legally. Take him at his word. I would not marry (or even waste time dating) someone who didn't put his SO first. It won't get better over time. I would ditch him and his mommy.
You will lose your privacy and a lot more. This will never be your home; it will always be their home.
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are the third wheel?
If you're being "rude" by stating your feelings, then your fiance doesn't want a wife, just someone to play 2nd fiddle to his first love: mama. You'll always come last in his life.
Not only no, but hell no
Your fiance needs a caregiver/housekeeper more so than a bride-to-be who's quiet and non confrontational methinks. What do YOU think, more importantly?
My dimwitted half sister took up with a man who came as a package deal with his 88 year old mother. Which my sister felt was fine bc she came as a package deal along with her 37 year old do-nothing daughter and 7 year old granddaughter. I warned her against moving into his house and becoming the carer for his mother, but she is as stubborn as a mule. To make a long story short, the man became the husband who then demanded my niece either get a full time job to pay him rent or take care of his mother, or get out. My niece gave him the finger, took her daughter and moved into a shelter in NYC. My sister is facing becoming the caregiver for DHs mother, naturally.
When you face a "strings attached" relationship, you need to be very wary of it, imo. Read this forum for awhile to get an idea of what it looks like to live with a MIL. Me, I'd tell this fiance thanks but no thanks.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult decision.
"no"
Your welcome.
You may like your boyfriend's mother very much. You may even love her, but if you live together that will soon change.
My father used to say that women were like bees and there can only be one queen in a hive. When there's two they will fight to the death. One queen in a hive. One woman in a house.
No living with your boyfriend's mother. Talk him into moving her to an independent senior community while she's still able to look after herself. Then when she can't homecare comes in, or AL, or LTC. This way you don't end up being her caregiver.
Also, here's another bit of useful advice. Don't live with your boyfriend too long. Get married. This is how you really start a life with someone and it will give you certain legal rights. When you're just living together in a boyfriend's house he can kick you out in a second. It's not that easy to when you're legally married. Look out for yourself and your best interests, sister.
My DH had a weird relationship with his mother that I did not 'see' until we had been married for a few years. He kept us apart all the time we were dating, and for good cause--had I known what a harridan she was, I would not have married him. Of that I am 100% certain.
She never lived with us, but she kept her claws in him until the day she died. She was the #1 woman in his life, not out of love, but duty, guilt and for the sake of peace.
No house is lovely enough for this dynamic. If you choose to move in, you will always be 2nd. Always.
She could easily live 20 more years. Think about that.
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