My father is crying daily and constantly states to us he’s a burden and wishes he would just die. It breaks my heart. He is reverting back to when he was a child and is behaving like a toddler. He has latched onto my mom and uses her as kind of his safety blanket. He doesn't like her out of his sight even if it’s just for her to go shower he will check on her several times while she is showering and will wait outside the shower door listening to her.
He will kneel on the floor and lay his head in my Moms lap while she is watching the news or reading the newspaper and say how he "wishes he would die and his mind is not right". This behavior happens only in the morning. By 11am he’s his old self and not wishing death.
He is severely depressed. We have him on anti-depressants but it doesn't seem to be working. We are looking into changing his medication.
I can’t be the only one who is witnessing their parent revert to childlike behavior. Any tips you have used to manage the behavior?
We have a companion nurse to come in and sit with my Dad in the mornings starting in January. We are hoping with a new face in the house he won’t do this.
He wakes up EVERY morning sick to his stomach although nothing is wrong. He has been to multiple doctors, different scans and tests, all of them say it’s his mind fooling him. There's is nothing physically wrong with him. He’s as healthy as a horse otherwise. His mind tho is that of a 3 year old missing his mother.
Any help or tips are appreciated.
Praying for caregivers around the world.
Your dad wants to die and he's not the only one who has said it. Your dad can't help it. I'm glad you have a new person coming in to help in January, but I'd be surprised if that stopped his behavior. His brain is sick and a different face won't heal it.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. If you are intent on dad's staying at home until he passes, you might want to rethink it. If this goes on for years, you and your mom are going to be the ones who are severely depressed. A memory care place or a freestanding hospice, if he qualifies, might save your sanity. Also, if you would video his crying and other sad behavior, you could show it to his doctors to impress upon them the seriousness of the situation. It might help them choose the right meds to keep him calm.
I wish you the best, and thank you for your prayers.
This is progression of dementia. At some point there is the danger that this can literally KILL your mother. Decisions are going to have to be made about long term care eventually, and about medications right along. It is very difficult to find drugs or drug cocktails (some hate that word) to help and at the same time not over-sedate.
Not everything can be fixed. This is a dreadful disease as awful as any out there. It is horrible to witness. I am so sorry. It's also difficult for doctors to assess what is working drug wise when they do not observe the patient, so keep a diary and hope that something along the line will help. There isn't much else to hope for.
Check out this link for a Dementia Wish List.
For dad's upset stomach in the morning, try offering him something sweet like a peeled Cutie orange. After 11am when he feels better, ask him what his favorite foods and snacks were as a child. Try offering him one of those in the morning when he's sad.
If that doesnt work, speak to his doctor about a mild anti anxiety medication like Ativan he can take upon awakening. Anxiety often causes physical ailments. My mother suffered lots of nausea which Zofran helped a lot with. She also referred to me as her mother......looking to me for comfort, much as a child would.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
My mother wasn’t much of a crier though. She was stoic like her mother.
I found it easy to empathize with my mother’s emotions. She was ready to leave this world. I am sure that I would feel the same way had I been in her shoes.
Validate your father’s feelings. You don’t even need words for this. Just a hug, hold his hand or a look of understanding might help. A simple touch from another human being can be very soothing.
Continue to check in with his doctors. How long has he been taking meds?
Meds don’t work instantly. As you most likely know, they need a bit of time to become fully effective. Perhaps the dosage needs to be tweaked.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Now my father in law with dementia also “ wants it to be over “.
And my mother in law ( alittle forgetful ) who is desperately trying to avoid ever going into assisted living is hoping to just go in her sleep , before she can’t live in her own home . Her mind is still pretty good, but her skeleton/ muscles / joints are falling apart .
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