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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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So what's your question? According to your profile, your 89 y/o mother lives in Independent Living. If she doesn't want you to travel, 'gee, that's unfortunate mother' is a great response to say to her, as you board your flight.
Probably, but who cares. What’s she gonna do, stage a fall or throw a fit to get her moved out of Indy living so that the daughter comes home from Paris.
These emotional leeches can be put on emotional time out. Turn ur phone off, if she freaks out let her, and it’s either you shape up or you get to go with the more difficult residents.
Do you want to travel? If so, go! Your mother shouldn't stop you from doing something you love. Even if you are her primary carer, you should go out and live your life. You can always find care for your mother but you can never go back and relive your life.
Hracey, even if you could get away, you would continue to worry how your Mother is doing. It's only human nature.
For a long while whenever my sig-other would travel, I was uncomfortable being by myself. Prior I was an independent woman but a serious illness and meds with side-effects made me feel afraid. I was always besides myself when he wasn't in town. Thankfully my primary doctor convinced me to try calming meds and that was a great help. Now I don't care how long he is away :P
You mentioned your Mom lived in Independent Living, thus she lives in senior living but in an IL apartment? Or did you meant to say that she lives in her home by herself, or that she lives with you? What are her medical needs, if any. Has she been uncomfortable in the past, or is this something new for her as she has gotten older? Is she a fall risk? Memory issues? More info would be helpful.
Does your mom have a friend or two who might visit often when you are away? Not long visits, but time for a cup of tea and a couple of cookies, and some conversation. That can help with her loneliness, and distract her a bit. Are you her medical decision maker? If you are, then who is the alternate person? That person and the director of the facility need to know how to contact each other. A bad fall needing a trip to ER while you are gone may require the decision maker to help explain what happening and what choices are, especially if mom is medicated. A little planning beforehand, and travel should be just fine. If all else fails, there are usually tickets available in a hurry. Mom can reimburse you for that first class seat to get you home in a hurry... Traveling while she can be left alone is great.
We need more info. Mom lives in an Independent living complex or she lives on her own at home or in apt? How is she health wise?
What is the reason she does not want you to travel? If just selfishness on her part, then go. If you have offered to have someone check in on her, and she is not obliging, then tell her that is the only option because you are going.
My Aunt and Uncle are in one of those communities where they live independently in a small house and AL and LTC is available. They are allowed certain services that the AL provides if they pay extra. If your Mom cannot take care of herself and needs help with her ADLs she should not be in IL she needs to be in AL.
Really! Some of your posts sound so cruel. Not everyone has demanding, abusive, narcisstic parents. This woman is 89 years old. Even if on her own, for some reason she isn't comfortable with her daughter leaving her. The OP gave us no reason why her Mom doesn't want her to go. So there is assumption.
I don't expect my daughters to be at my beck and call. I so hope I am aware of my limitations and know when its time for an AL or even LTC. But I so hope my daughters don't treat me like my needs don't matter. Not that means they can't travel but at least make sure I am being cared for in their absence. Its not owing me, its respecting me as their mother.
Geez JoAnn. I’m sure that the daughters pushing an aide or respite al would go over swimmingly. They won’t even accept that when we’re paying for it, and why should we.
They call it independent living, not continuing to be a senior brat.
I would suggest that from here on in, those of us who are "regulars" respond to these one sentence questions with a kind "hi, welcome" and a request for more details so that we can give better answers.
It's beginning to feel like there's a whole bunch of "one offs" that just get us arguing.
Tell her that this is the time in your life when you are free to travel and well enough to do so and that you will be doing so because you have a right to a nice life. Period. Full stop.
The known information here is that the mother is 89 years old and living in an independent senior community. If she were bad off physically or mentally she would be in an AL facility or a nursing home. Most people would think that the mother doesn't want her daughter to travel because she's afraid of her not being nearby, is jealous because she's not going, or both. I'd tell the OP to make sure her mother is set up with homecare and also to speak with whoever manages the senior community. They should be left the names and numbers of either family or friends who could be contacted should there be an actual emergency concerning the mother. Then the family or friend can contact the OP. Then go on the trip and don't phone home. There's no need to if the mother's care was arranged. Then Bon Voyage! Have a good time.
Hracey, my advice is for you to find out why your elderly mother does not want you to travel. What function does it serve for her to say this to you? What are her fears that she wants to avoid, or what benefits does she want to obtain, by saying this?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
These emotional leeches can be put on emotional time out. Turn ur phone off, if she freaks out let her, and it’s either you shape up or you get to go with the more difficult residents.
For a long while whenever my sig-other would travel, I was uncomfortable being by myself. Prior I was an independent woman but a serious illness and meds with side-effects made me feel afraid. I was always besides myself when he wasn't in town. Thankfully my primary doctor convinced me to try calming meds and that was a great help. Now I don't care how long he is away :P
You mentioned your Mom lived in Independent Living, thus she lives in senior living but in an IL apartment? Or did you meant to say that she lives in her home by herself, or that she lives with you? What are her medical needs, if any. Has she been uncomfortable in the past, or is this something new for her as she has gotten older? Is she a fall risk? Memory issues? More info would be helpful.
Are you her medical decision maker? If you are, then who is the alternate person?
That person and the director of the facility need to know how to contact each other.
A bad fall needing a trip to ER while you are gone may require the decision maker to help explain what happening and what choices are, especially if mom is medicated.
A little planning beforehand, and travel should be just fine.
If all else fails, there are usually tickets available in a hurry. Mom can reimburse you for that first class seat to get you home in a hurry...
Traveling while she can be left alone is great.
Lwt her whine and cry, not your problem
What is the reason she does not want you to travel? If just selfishness on her part, then go. If you have offered to have someone check in on her, and she is not obliging, then tell her that is the only option because you are going.
My Aunt and Uncle are in one of those communities where they live independently in a small house and AL and LTC is available. They are allowed certain services that the AL provides if they pay extra. If your Mom cannot take care of herself and needs help with her ADLs she should not be in IL she needs to be in AL.
Really! Some of your posts sound so cruel. Not everyone has demanding, abusive, narcisstic parents. This woman is 89 years old. Even if on her own, for some reason she isn't comfortable with her daughter leaving her. The OP gave us no reason why her Mom doesn't want her to go. So there is assumption.
I don't expect my daughters to be at my beck and call. I so hope I am aware of my limitations and know when its time for an AL or even LTC. But I so hope my daughters don't treat me like my needs don't matter. Not that means they can't travel but at least make sure I am being cared for in their absence. Its not owing me, its respecting me as their mother.
They call it independent living, not continuing to be a senior brat.
It's beginning to feel like there's a whole bunch of "one offs" that just get us arguing.
Most people would think that the mother doesn't want her daughter to travel because she's afraid of her not being nearby, is jealous because she's not going, or both.
I'd tell the OP to make sure her mother is set up with homecare and also to speak with whoever manages the senior community. They should be left the names and numbers of either family or friends who could be contacted should there be an actual emergency concerning the mother. Then the family or friend can contact the OP. Then go on the trip and don't phone home. There's no need to if the mother's care was arranged. Then Bon Voyage! Have a good time.
Hracey, hope that doesn't apply to your situation!
Any answer to WHY Mother feels that way yet?