I'm wondering if an intervention makes sense, as individual family members can't make him stop. Should we get a mental health professional involved? We think he's pre-dementia (bad memory, but passed the dementia test recently). He has been diagnosed with depression, so he's very sad and feels like a failure most of the time because he can't make the jobs work.
And to me it sounds as though your Dad is indeed running as fast as he can. When we are older and continue this it creates anxiety that can "look" like confusion and dementia. Trust the test. For now he has NO diagnosis of dementia and I would leave that alone.
Now, as to intervention. No. He isn't an alcoholic or an addict or a child in need of mental help. He is a person who is likely a type A and likely always was. But a family meeting? That is great if you all meet first and decide how it will go. It needs to be gentle and loving. It need to be "Dad, likely there is no reason to worry, but we worry for you. We don't want to lose you. We know you thrive on the activity, but we are worried". Then let HIM talk. If he wants to.
Men are alway Mr. Fix its. It is so hard for them when things don't have a clear answer and a real path forward. They don't like to discuss and worry things often enough. They want to act and fix things, and when that doesn't work they are nervous.
You say your Dad has been diagnosed with depression. Was medication tried for a trial? Did he not want to try it. Or did he try it and not have it work?
How old is your Dad?
My final thing, after you lovingly and gently talk to him is to tell him that you are there for him, will be his rock and support, that you love him and admire him, and will do anything you can to help. Then, quite honestly, let him alone unless there are new things that scare you a lot.
I think its wonderful that you love him enough to try.
Has he worked most of life? Mine has. He’s pushing 80 now but has worked since he was 8 years old. He has to be busy! He just doesn’t know any other way. If he retired it would kill him.
Do the research and find a good doctor that has experience with these symptoms and schedule an appointment before the family encircles him, and for everyone to encourage him to find out what is going on with his health. He is scared, his actions prove that, some men think that they can push through whatever is going on, he is apparently one of them.
I do recommend that the family approaches this about his wellbeing and not business, it has to be about love for him or he will not be receptive, he is used to being the boss, let him have that and use dad, husband and grandpa as your motivation.
Best of luck getting to the bottom of this and may it be something treatable.
Perhaps he needs something better to do with his time, however. When my dad retired after a 35-year professional career, he was more than ready to do it, but he also needed something to do. He got extremely involved in his community.
If your dad has done enough to support the family as I'm sure he feels was his duty, then perhaps he can be guided into volunteer opportunities that will help him by being both gratifying to him and raising his spirits through socialization.
Sometimes doing for others brings greater rewards than the best-paying job, and it certainly would do so if he's continually having difficulties at work.
Cognitive decline happens to most of us. Not dementia- just a general decline in our ability to make decisions the way we used to. The insidious thing is that we don't recognize it. It's a really good idea to have someone working alongside you who knows how you used to make decisions to give you feedback.
If it is a family business, then setting up some sort of committee to make decisions on accepting jobs might be helpful. If he is working on his own, can he hire a project manager who can influence the project's progress? I think instead of framing this as "you are working too much" you could frame it as "the jobs aren't working out the way you expect, are they? How can we get you some help with it?"
Depression definitely affects the ability to make decisions. He might just need more support in the business. Maybe you can convince him to try that.
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