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I have offered to live in her finished basement but need to keep my apartment as well, just in case. it seems my sister and I are changing our lives just to let my mom stay in her house. how important is it for her to stay in familiar surroundings?
I question if the word "important' is the ... way to consider this as most everything to do with a loved-one as they age is important with the best of intentions. I would re-frame the question or thought process to "what is in her best interest and well-being as she ages" and consider how decisions affect the family unit. You want to look / consider the long term which means you must consider you and your sister's needs. I am glad to read that you would/want to keep your apt 'just in case' as this shows you are thinking ahead for variables / the unexpected. And, maintaining your financial situation as best you can. It IS important that when providing care for your mom (caregivers, for example) that you use HER money and not yours. Do not co-mingle. If she qualifies for government assistance, you need good records documenting her income / expenses-expenditures.
When I respond to questions here, I always think "what would I do" as well as consider your / the writer's specific circumstances - clearly, in some situations, what I would do would not support another's situation.
With that said, ... what would I do?
Realize: That she doesn't want to leave is a given - no one wants to leave their home; what they are most familiar with to move into the unknowns - coupled with fear and confusion. In essence 'of course' she will resist change of any kind. She doesn't want 'help' as in her mind/brain now, she believes she doesn't need it. Clearly, you need to do what she needs. You need to learn how to 'take control' / 'set boundaries' with compassion. She won't like it as change is hard and she doesn't know what's coming or what this means.
* I would research nursing homes/care facilities. * I would start to interview caregivers (for now, while mom is in her house) and introduce them to her as 'my friend xxx' - be sure to interview mindfully, i.e., - experience, temperment, dependability (do they have children and need to take off - often)? - give possible scenarios of situations "how would you handle xxx ?" (or how do you - if they are experienced, they should know: re-directing, extending compassion, befriending / creating trust ... Although also know that some caregivers need to do this work due to not finding / being qualified to do other work - they may not have compassion. They just want a pay check.) - When you interview, write a list of questions ahead of time and ask everyone the same questions. - Try out for 1-2 weeks and see how it goes. - Decide whether to hire through an agency or ind contractors.
* I would consider longer-term needs for HER SAFETY first.
* I would consider [educate myself about] the severity of dementia, knowing it will advance, and how the living situation affects both the loved one and the family.
- She may need now or eventually 24/7 care - and what does this mean? - you hire someone to come in 8-12 hours a day and you/r sister manage the rest of the day? - Can you both do this? - Do you (does SHE) have the funds to pay someone for this day-to-day care? Don't use your own $ ... it is going down the drain although this depends on individual finances.
* I recognize that dementia brings up confusion, fear, anger (and need to communicate / manage accordingly).
And, finally, listen to your GUT. Discuss with your sister. Know you will be adjusting / changing your care-giving as her needs change - and what does this mean to you and your sister in terms of daily care. - you might want to hire a medical social worker to discuss options. - if she can afford moving into a facility (memory care unit), start to look at them and ask to speak to their social worker.
I have had my 95 yr old mom with me for 10 years, 4 of which when she fell into dementia. It was a little extra work form, i,e, laundry and an extra bed/bedroom to deal with, but not all that bad. Quite frankly, she is easier to deal with now because she isn't trying to start a fight with me about things she was over thinking in her mind. Since she has lost her mind, she is sweet and docile. She has also lost her ability to walk and/or just doesn't want to and so of course, there are diapers involved. She only takes 3 meds and so that is easily dealt with. I am retired and so is my husband, so this is our easy job now. We don't have to be anywhere at any specific time and don't have to fight the rat race with stressful jobs. Ask yourself and your sister if you are up for the task, as it is like taking care of a toddler that talks. I have found that she functions best when routine is practiced as there is less confusion and they know what to expect. My mom also reimburses me for her care rather than paying a nursing home. If you have a full-time job, then of course, it would be very difficult to care for, and i appears that most are not up for the task. It was difficult at first, but then you have to adjust your mind set and push through. I take some joy in spending the last years of her life with her and knowing that I am helping her die gracefully, rather than trying to get her well, which isn't going to happen.
It will take time to check out facilities that might be the best for M. That includes the level of care, the affordable costs, the distance from you and Sis for visits, whether her house needs to be sold, dealing with her house contents, how to put in applications for Medicaid, and the timing for that. All that will all take a few weeks, at least. You can decide not to go ahead at any point (at least until a sale contract for the house has been signed).
Perhaps it makes sense to try some of the options you have mentioned as stop-gaps while you go through all those steps. By the time you get to placement, you will have satisfied all your curiosity about whether or not any of the options would have worked long time. It will give you and your sister confirmation forever about whether placement is the best (only?) choice.
How is that for an immediate plan, with long term benefits?
My husband and I moved 650 miles from our home to move in with his mother who had Alzheimers. We planned to care for her. He was at home with her all day while I worked to support us. This was in the early 1990s. We didn't know much about this horrible disease, but had to learn fast. A few things we learned were: 1. Any change in environment or even in routine in her environment mentally threw her for a loop. 2. It doesn't get better, only worse over time. 3. My husband didn't get more than a few hours sleep a night, since his mother didn't sleep well. Sleep deprivation is common for caregivers. 4. His mother became secretive and suspicious. This is also common. 5. The safety of all of us was compromised, since she'd try to cook or would smoke when we were sleeping. Fire was a concern. 6. There came a time when she forgot how to safely chew and swallow. My husband chose a feeding tube for her because he didn't want to "starve her to death". Hospice was not offered to educate us or support her. 7. It wasn't the Alzheimers that took her life. It was breast cancer that spread throughout her chest that took her life.
Within less than a year my husband was so tired and stressed and concerned for all of our well being that he had to place her in memory care anyway.
The best thing is to place her in a good memory care facility now. Before it gets worse. Before you need to ASAP and feel you have to place her somewhere, anywhere, if the place you really want has no openings. Best to move her once and let her adjust, instead of having her adjust to several transitions. Until then, see if Meals On Wheels can drop off one nutritious meal per day.
In response to your other comment about moving her into your sister's place and you caring for her there...have your sister (and your sister's family, if relevant) read all of this, and check out other posts on this site. I suspect that your sister does not know what you two are getting into. The result would be largely the same as one of you moving there - your mother would be living, disordered and possibly wandering/unsafe in your sister's house. She may not understand the need for privacy, she may keep trying to cook and forget to turn things off, she may wander and need your sister to go look for her.... Make no mistake, even though you would be "caring for her", your sister and anyone living in that house would be deeply, deeply affected by a person with dementia moving in. As others have said, it could affect you all emotionally, mentally, and financially, and your mom's needs will only increase.
Many, many families just cannot keep a family member with dementia at home. It's not possible without someone being a full-time caregiver, 24-7. If you and your sister cannot do that (because you have families or work or just want a life of your own), then the kindest thing to do for yourselves and your mom is to start looking at memory care facilities, find a nice one that will take private pay until your mom qualifies for Medicaid, and then will switch over to taking her Medicaid once that kicks in.
I'm sorry, I know this is hard. But you have to protect your own mental, emotional, and financial health.
I thought that I was one of those caregivers who could take care of my mother in my own home. It didn't take long for me to realize that my house is not safe for someone with dementia. I have two full flights of stairs and even though I had her in an area on the main floor, she didn't understand that she shouldn't go up and down the stairs.
After a couple of days here, she ended up in the emergency room because of a UTI that hadn't completely cleared. From there, we were able to find her a facility. She is so much happier there. She has people around and she participates in the activities.
Honestly, in one week, she is so much better. Is it going to be expensive? Yes. But, I know I made the right decision.
Caring for someone is a huge task and responsibility most might say they gave up their life to do it I don’t think listening to your concerns it will get any better - most prob a lot worse. Hard conversations coming up you need to consider yourself as well as your mother Speak to her doctor about your concerns first your mother abd yourself im sure they will cone up with suggestions or out you into contact with people who can help/advise it may be wiser to pull off the plaster now before it gets harder so to speak!
I moved my mom in with me when she could no longer live alone. After 11 months, I was a completely different person and stressed to the point of insomnia. Mom is sweet and pretty easy going but dementia made her repeat everything many, many times. She would wonder the house at night and pull things down from shelves as she packed to go home. It was t safe to leave her alone so going anywhere with my husband was out. I’d have to wait for him to get home to go do any errands. If she didn’t want to go to church, we couldn’t go. If I needed time to myself, I’d go to the kitchen but she would soon follow.
luckily, time has no meaning to her so I told her she needed to go to rehab (she’s on a walker) for 2-3 weeks. That was September of 2023. She believes she has been where she is for about a week. She doesn’t know how she got there but she is sure she is going home tomorrow. She is always happy when I visit and tells be to be sure and check before I visit again because she might not be there.
My advice is to get her into a nice facility and visit often but put yourself and your sister into the position of enjoying g her last years instead of possibly building resentment.
Did your mom give up everything and move in with a parent? What did she say when she was well? She assigned POA so she understood there might be a time when she can’t make her own decisions.
One gift I got was a few lucid days just before I moved mom from one facility to another. I was able to discuss my plans and she agreed to them. She was t entirely clear because she asked how my deceased father felt about it but she understood she was going to live at a facility where one of her long time friends lives and she agreed to it. This gave me a great deal of peace.
You asked based on my profile how I helped my dad remain in his home. Foremost, he had no dementia, if he had that would have been a game changer. He did have that hellbent “staying in my house” adage so many seniors have. He had CHF and extreme leg weakness as part of the result. There were many falls, despite all precautions. One resulted in him spending most of a night and day in the floor (his alert pendant was on the charger) unable to get up. We drew our line after that and insisted he move to assisted living or hire a helper. He chose the helper despite the whole “don’t want a stranger in my house” rant. She was a lifesaver and quickly won him over. She was not a complete fix as she was not there around the clock. We did not rearrange our lives to accommodate his wishes. If he’d lived much longer, a new plan would have been required as his needs were increasing. Again, I would have helped, but as was reasonably doable for me. You and your sister desperately need to not rearrange your lives for this, mom’s needs will continue to evolve and increase. She will be hard to live with in ways you’ve not yet imagined. You’ll likely have a honeymoon period where you think this isn’t so bad, sadly, it won’t last as your privacy and independence are stripped away and her needs change. Helping mom is both right and admirable, just consider the ways to do it that work best for all involved
As said, a person with Dementia cannot call the shots. I would jot move in with her or her with me. My Mom was fairly easy but got up in the middle of the night thinging it was time to get up. By the time I got her back to bed, I was wide awake and could not get back to sleep. She had her paranoid times. I found I was not a caretaker. I like order and there is no order in the mind of a Dementia person. Very unpredictable.
If Mom has money place her in a nice MC. Sell her house for that care.
If you value yourself, do not move in with her. You cannot care for her. I discovered this trying to care for my aunt for only a few weeks. Don't do it. You have no idea what you'll be opening yourself up to. It will all be on solely you. If you need a break, no one will help you. Everything, and I do mean everything will fall on you, even if someone says they will help you, they will not. I was expected to uproot my life and move in with my aunt. I couldn't believe how bad she was. Incontinence, tantrums, refusing to bathe. I had her house professionally cleaned inside out, and it was not cheap because it was covered in human waste. Within two or three days of having it cleaned, she messed up the carpet by spilling turmeric tea all over the carpet because she fell asleep with it in her hands and then within the next week or maybe much less, she messed up the carpet because she had on a loaded diaper, didn't mention she needed to be changed, and when I got it off, it was so loaded that a lot of it fell on the carpet again. This was my money that I spent to clean her home and it looked like it was all for nothing. You will lose your mind with her stubbornness, the loopy things she'll do, the tantrums and everything thing else that will come along, as she declines. Don't do it. You're a stranger and I am warning you what you're up against. My blood family tried pushing this on me, knowing what I would be up against. Don't move in with her. Don't move her in with you. My aunt is still in her house with a caregiver coming in from time to time. Do that, at least.
You need a diagnosis, but would get a POA done before the diagnosis if she will allow it. And she may not allow EITHER.
At some point it doesn't matter any longer "what mom wants" because "what mom NEEDS takes it over" in terms of safety.
I would not make this move. Things will get worse and worse until basically you have no life of your own, and you go up in the smoke of a slow burn from throwing your own life on the funeral pyre of someone who has had her life already.
You are an adult and must make your own decisions, but I caution you to stay here and read a while before you do so.
There is always the option of allowing things to go on as they are until you get "the call" which you will. If mom wishes to die in her own home that may happen sooner than were she moved to the safety of an extended care facility, but eventually we all DO die. Whether it is the hospital that calls and says "We have your mom here" or the Coroner who calls, mom will have passed on her own steam per her own wishes. If the hospital calls then you will work with social workers there at that time to get her safely in placement.
Hard truths. I would start now with a short call a.m. and p.m. to be sure she's on her feet and feeling well. I would NOT enable this at all. Good luck, whatever choices you make. No one yet has the secret formula for success, so your own path may be as good as any other.
If neither you nor your sister are PoA for your Mom, then please know that moving her in with you may be stepping into a pile of poo. If you think she's stubborn now, it will only get worse as she continues to lose her ability to process reason and logic. Even with PoA authority you cannot force an uncooperative adult to do something against their will without a lot of disturbing drama for everyone involved.
Dementia also means she'll have no empathy for how her caregiving needs are impacting your lives. Please read the copious posts about Burnout. Many a loving and well-meaning adult child has taken on way more than they can chew in hands-on carging for a needy parent. Please go into this with your eyes wide open and understand that the result of trying to care for her in a home may mean neither you nor your sister have much of a life going forward.
Even if they have POA, they should not be obligated to move in with her. This was my problem with my family. They heard that I was POA and they assumed that I should give up my life, move in to care for an aunt.
For the love of God, do not move in her house. I think you know this would be disastrous.
Mom is being stubborn and evidently doesn’t know or care how she is affecting her children. Stopping your lives so she can call the shots will ruin everyone’s lives.
what about moving her to my sisters house and I take care of her there? we were hoping that over the next couple of months her memory will decrease even more and it would make moving her to my sisters house easier?
Hi! thank you for your response. Your background mentioned you helped your father live in his house. How did u do this? my sister is very willing to have my mother live with her but I will be taking care of her or for now be with her 75% of the time. my sister lives 1 hr 15 min from me so I would drive there each morning and go home when she gets home. this had always been our plan but were trying to let my mom stay in her house as long as possible. the more we talk about it, im not sure this is the best idea either. i have a two bedroom apartment that almost makes sense for my mom to live with me and she can go to my sisters on the weekends. im not sure i can do a 4-5 day/week travel an hr 15 min each way, take care of her all dsy, work from home 10-12 hrs/week. beginning to feel daunting. really feel having her live with me in my apartment would be the easiest for me, less financial burden on all of us and easiest distance/driving every day. my sister and I are both POA’s. I don’t mind taking care of her but am beginning to think we need to call the shots as opposed to trying to please my mom…. really at a loss…
"we need to call the shots as opposed to trying to please my mom…."
Yes, yes, yes. The set up has to work for the caregiver(s). Mom had needs and wants, She "wants" to live in her house, but she "needs" help.
The needs come first and that includes the caregivers' needs. Mom's needs will only increase, possibly to a point where you and your sister cannot cope with her care any more. It could be a matter of safety -hers and/or yours.
It makes no sense that the demented person calls the shots. The caregivers must take the responsibility for the planning and direction of care. Please, in all of this, care also for yourself. 30-40% of caregivers die before the person they are looking after. A large percentage develop illnesses themselves p depression, high blood pressure and other such stress related conditions. This is a very tough journey.
Has your mother ever assigned anyone as POA for healthcare and financial decisions for the time that has now arrived, when she cannot make sound decisions for herself? If so, this is the time the POA decides where it is best for mom to live. The “don’t want to leave my house” is very common but also often unreasonable. It’s likely a bad idea for you to uproot your life for this. Mom will continue to decline, sadly, one day it will not matter where she lives. My dad often told my siblings and I his firm rule, none of us could live with him, and he wouldn’t live with any of us. He said he’d sen it ruin too many relationships. I still value his wisdom and encourage you to reconsider this plan
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When I respond to questions here, I always think "what would I do" as well as consider your / the writer's specific circumstances - clearly, in some situations, what I would do would not support another's situation.
With that said, ... what would I do?
Realize: That she doesn't want to leave is a given - no one wants to leave their home; what they are most familiar with to move into the unknowns - coupled with fear and confusion. In essence 'of course' she will resist change of any kind. She doesn't want 'help' as in her mind/brain now, she believes she doesn't need it. Clearly, you need to do what she needs. You need to learn how to 'take control' / 'set boundaries' with compassion. She won't like it as change is hard and she doesn't know what's coming or what this means.
* I would research nursing homes/care facilities.
* I would start to interview caregivers (for now, while mom is in her house) and introduce them to her as 'my friend xxx' - be sure to interview mindfully, i.e.,
- experience, temperment, dependability (do they have children and need to take off - often)?
- give possible scenarios of situations "how would you handle xxx ?" (or how do you - if they are experienced, they should know: re-directing, extending compassion, befriending / creating trust ... Although also know that some caregivers need to do this work due to not finding / being qualified to do other work - they may not have compassion. They just want a pay check.)
- When you interview, write a list of questions ahead of time and ask everyone the same questions.
- Try out for 1-2 weeks and see how it goes.
- Decide whether to hire through an agency or ind contractors.
* I would consider longer-term needs for HER SAFETY first.
* I would consider [educate myself about] the severity of dementia, knowing it will advance, and how the living situation affects both the loved one and the family.
- She may need now or eventually 24/7 care - and what does this mean?
- you hire someone to come in 8-12 hours a day and you/r sister manage the rest of the day?
- Can you both do this?
- Do you (does SHE) have the funds to pay someone for this day-to-day care? Don't use your own $ ... it is going down the drain although this depends on individual finances.
* I recognize that dementia brings up confusion, fear, anger (and need to communicate / manage accordingly).
And, finally, listen to your GUT. Discuss with your sister. Know you will be adjusting / changing your care-giving as her needs change - and what does this mean to you and your sister in terms of daily care.
- you might want to hire a medical social worker to discuss options.
- if she can afford moving into a facility (memory care unit), start to look at them and ask to speak to their social worker.
Let us know how you proceed.
My heart is with you,
Gena / Touch Matters
Perhaps it makes sense to try some of the options you have mentioned as stop-gaps while you go through all those steps. By the time you get to placement, you will have satisfied all your curiosity about whether or not any of the options would have worked long time. It will give you and your sister confirmation forever about whether placement is the best (only?) choice.
How is that for an immediate plan, with long term benefits?
It's sad and heart touching at the same time.
1. Any change in environment or even in routine in her environment mentally threw her for a loop.
2. It doesn't get better, only worse over time.
3. My husband didn't get more than a few hours sleep a night, since his mother didn't sleep well. Sleep deprivation is common for caregivers.
4. His mother became secretive and suspicious. This is also common.
5. The safety of all of us was compromised, since she'd try to cook or would smoke when we were sleeping. Fire was a concern.
6. There came a time when she forgot how to safely chew and swallow. My husband chose a feeding tube for her because he didn't want to "starve her to death". Hospice was not offered to educate us or support her.
7. It wasn't the Alzheimers that took her life. It was breast cancer that spread throughout her chest that took her life.
Within less than a year my husband was so tired and stressed and concerned for all of our well being that he had to place her in memory care anyway.
The best thing is to place her in a good memory care facility now. Before it gets worse. Before you need to ASAP and feel you have to place her somewhere, anywhere, if the place you really want has no openings. Best to move her once and let her adjust, instead of having her adjust to several transitions.
Until then, see if Meals On Wheels can drop off one nutritious meal per day.
Many, many families just cannot keep a family member with dementia at home. It's not possible without someone being a full-time caregiver, 24-7. If you and your sister cannot do that (because you have families or work or just want a life of your own), then the kindest thing to do for yourselves and your mom is to start looking at memory care facilities, find a nice one that will take private pay until your mom qualifies for Medicaid, and then will switch over to taking her Medicaid once that kicks in.
I'm sorry, I know this is hard. But you have to protect your own mental, emotional, and financial health.
After a couple of days here, she ended up in the emergency room because of a UTI that hadn't completely cleared. From there, we were able to find her a facility. She is so much happier there. She has people around and she participates in the activities.
Honestly, in one week, she is so much better. Is it going to be expensive? Yes. But, I know I made the right decision.
most might say they gave up their life to do it
I don’t think listening to your concerns it will get any better - most prob a lot worse. Hard conversations coming up
you need to consider yourself as well as your mother
Speak to her doctor about your concerns first your mother abd yourself
im sure they will cone up with suggestions or out you into contact with people who can help/advise
it may be wiser to pull off the plaster now before it gets harder so to speak!
luckily, time has no meaning to her so I told her she needed to go to rehab (she’s on a walker) for 2-3 weeks. That was September of 2023. She believes she has been where she is for about a week. She doesn’t know how she got there but she is sure she is going home tomorrow. She is always happy when I visit and tells be to be sure and check before I visit again because she might not be there.
My advice is to get her into a nice facility and visit often but put yourself and your sister into the position of enjoying g her last years instead of possibly building resentment.
Did your mom give up everything and move in with a parent? What did she say when she was well? She assigned POA so she understood there might be a time when she can’t make her own decisions.
One gift I got was a few lucid days just before I moved mom from one facility to another. I was able to discuss my plans and she agreed to them. She was t entirely clear because she asked how my deceased father felt about it but she understood she was going to live at a facility where one of her long time friends lives and she agreed to it. This gave me a great deal of peace.
If Mom has money place her in a nice MC. Sell her house for that care.
Don't do it. You have no idea what you'll be opening yourself up to. It will all be on solely you. If you need a break, no one will help you. Everything, and I do mean everything will fall on you, even if someone says they will help you, they will not.
I was expected to uproot my life and move in with my aunt. I couldn't believe how bad she was. Incontinence, tantrums, refusing to bathe. I had her house professionally cleaned inside out, and it was not cheap because it was covered in human waste. Within two or three days of having it cleaned, she messed up the carpet by spilling turmeric tea all over the carpet because she fell asleep with it in her hands and then within the next week or maybe much less, she messed up the carpet because she had on a loaded diaper, didn't mention she needed to be changed, and when I got it off, it was so loaded that a lot of it fell on the carpet again. This was my money that I spent to clean her home and it looked like it was all for nothing.
You will lose your mind with her stubbornness, the loopy things she'll do, the tantrums and everything thing else that will come along, as she declines.
Don't do it. You're a stranger and I am warning you what you're up against. My blood family tried pushing this on me, knowing what I would be up against. Don't move in with her. Don't move her in with you.
My aunt is still in her house with a caregiver coming in from time to time. Do that, at least.
You need a diagnosis, but would get a POA done before the diagnosis if she will allow it. And she may not allow EITHER.
At some point it doesn't matter any longer "what mom wants" because "what mom NEEDS takes it over" in terms of safety.
I would not make this move. Things will get worse and worse until basically you have no life of your own, and you go up in the smoke of a slow burn from throwing your own life on the funeral pyre of someone who has had her life already.
You are an adult and must make your own decisions, but I caution you to stay here and read a while before you do so.
There is always the option of allowing things to go on as they are until you get "the call" which you will. If mom wishes to die in her own home that may happen sooner than were she moved to the safety of an extended care facility, but eventually we all DO die. Whether it is the hospital that calls and says "We have your mom here" or the Coroner who calls, mom will have passed on her own steam per her own wishes. If the hospital calls then you will work with social workers there at that time to get her safely in placement.
Hard truths.
I would start now with a short call a.m. and p.m. to be sure she's on her feet and feeling well. I would NOT enable this at all.
Good luck, whatever choices you make. No one yet has the secret formula for success, so your own path may be as good as any other.
Dementia also means she'll have no empathy for how her caregiving needs are impacting your lives. Please read the copious posts about Burnout. Many a loving and well-meaning adult child has taken on way more than they can chew in hands-on carging for a needy parent. Please go into this with your eyes wide open and understand that the result of trying to care for her in a home may mean neither you nor your sister have much of a life going forward.
This was my problem with my family. They heard that I was POA and they assumed that I should give up my life, move in to care for an aunt.
Mom is being stubborn and evidently doesn’t know or care how she is affecting her children. Stopping your lives so she can call the shots will ruin everyone’s lives.
my sister and I are both POA’s.
I don’t mind taking care of her but am beginning to think we need to call the shots as opposed to trying to please my mom…. really at a loss…
Yes, yes, yes. The set up has to work for the caregiver(s). Mom had needs and wants, She "wants" to live in her house, but she "needs" help.
The needs come first and that includes the caregivers' needs.
Mom's needs will only increase, possibly to a point where you and your sister cannot cope with her care any more. It could be a matter of safety -hers and/or yours.
It makes no sense that the demented person calls the shots. The caregivers must take the responsibility for the planning and direction of care. Please, in all of this, care also for yourself. 30-40% of caregivers die before the person they are looking after. A large percentage develop illnesses themselves p depression, high blood pressure and other such stress related conditions. This is a very tough journey.