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Disabled and caring for someone? With your depression, I'm not surprised that even taking a bath is a drag. Because I'm always on the go, I've picked the 15th and 30th of each month to treat myself to an early evening Hollywood bath: beads, oils, scented candles, the works. Afterwards a Lifetime movie and jazmin rice to go with the chick peas & pig's feet Latin style. My point? You have to find a way to treat yourself my friend. At the end of the night you'll feel you've accomplished something rather than feel you're stuck in a timewarp where the days are carbon copies of each other.
Dear Theveteran1, I can relate to you more than you know. I suffer from severe depression that has advanced to fear/anxieties about leaving the house. So, why should I bathe? Being a female makes it that much harder and depressing. That's not to make your plight any less. I take the occasional "cat bath", but after a while a good shower is due. Finding the motivation and energy is hard. Yes, I do feel better and find I have more energy afterwards. Funny how that works. My suggestion is to get a handheld shower head and a find a way to sit down in your shower. You say your already taking cat baths, now you're just taking it one step up. If energy is an issue, break down yourself into "areas". One day do upper body and next day do lower. And, please join a vets group. Contact the wounded warrior project and/or the Veterans of America. Both groups can and will help. semper fi my friend.
How about a shower chair or bench? Start with just sitting on it in the tub and turning the shower on you with warm water. Start slowly even if you don't use soap at first. Once you are comfortable with the relaxing feeling of warm water running over you and how little effort it takes when you can just sit there, maybe the idea of shampooing your hair and washing will be more appealing?
Since my dad retired he doesn't bathe regularly and when he does it's because he has a doctor's appointment he doesn't smell. My mother had a stroke and hasn't bathed in years she takes wash off's she doesn't smell either however, someone has to wash her other arm since she doesn't have use of her whole right side.
I have suffered from depression on and off for as long as I can remember. I never want to wash when I am in the dumps or "the dark hole" as I like to call it. I just do not really care. So I force myself and ALWAYS feel better after I take a good shower. I think it has to do with the amount of energy that bathing or showering seems overwhelming when depression hits but it is also that first step of getting out of the depression.
I know this is wack a doodle, but find a beautiful tree, lay on the ground full length and look up at the sky. Somehow it grounds you to the earth, and the depression lifts a little.
if your going over to town to do a little " sniffin " ( back me up here gentlemen ) you have to hit the shower or your own odor is gonna drown out the fair - er sex .. youd be wasting your time .
Sitz baths, which are sold quite inexpensively at places like Target and most drug stores, are a fabulous way to wash your privates when you can't/don't want to/whatever take a bath or shower. Used mine frequently when I had three kids under the age of 5. Lifesaver.
Sometimes I feel too overwhelmed to even take care of me. I then take care of myself like I am taking care of a friend, a best buddy. Step outside yourself: think of your body like a Harley, your favorite car or dog, and wash and feed it. I get into the shower and it feels like all my troubles are washing down the drain, and wonder why it was so hard to get there. I like showering before bed, falling asleep all clean and new to wake up tomorrow to a new day without dragging the dirt of prior days along with me.
If you are in a nursing home, you get a shower once a week. During the Depression, you got a Saturday night bath so you wouldn't stink up the Sunday service. Relive the good old days.
I think we don't generate as much perspiration as we age because we're not as active. Nor are we close to people who aren't family all day long. It's natural I think to want to be presentable for work - we need to use all the advantages we can to compete. But once we're out of that environment, we can relax and realize how pressured working life is. And we can relax the bathing standards as well. I'm not advocating practicing uncleanliness, but I'm not convinced elders need to be scrubbed clean on a daily basis.
OP, if you feel you're able to keep clean without showering or full immersion baths, then go with your instincts. And you know better than I that you don't get showers regularly when you're in country; that's a luxury that we civilians have.
However, I would try to address the depression. I don't know if you'v tried the VA and/or vet support groups, but do try to find one of the groups that connects Vets with dogs. There's a specific one that trains and places dogs with Vets but I don't have the name off hand. If there are dog parks nearby and you can get to one, do go.
There was a program (on PBS, I think) on canine therapy for Vets with PTSD. One stated that he could relate to his dog in a way he couldn't relate to people.
Maybe the VFW has something to offer in your area. You probably know better than I that Vets can have issues which they're not comfortable discussing with civilians, but they can bond better with other Vets.
Men really do need baths or showers. The main problem area is the private areas that do better with washing and rinsing, instead of rubbing with a wipe. Sponge baths are okay sometimes, but nothing replaces a good occasional drenching. My father had problems with his privates because he didn't like to bathe. The skin became unhealthy and was quite a problem.
The only thing that I can say is if you know you need a bath, just do it. Nothing feeds depression more than feeling grimy. Just consider it part of your antidepressant remedy.
Or use No-Rinse Body Wash - put the body wash on a washcloth, rub all over your body. No need to rinse - just towel dry.
And yes, join a Veterans' support group or see a therapist trained to deal with veterans' issues. I am not a veteran but I have bad depression and I just started seeing a psychologist. Only two sessions thus far so it is too early to say if it will help but it should.
I suffer from dpression too, suicidal horrible incapacitating depression, not the blues. It's part of my multiple sclerosis. When you are spiraling downward, or in a vicous circle of despair and parayalsis, the only cure is action. Any action that is positive. You must exercise, start small but force yourself. Can you start with very small goals that are achievable, 10 sit ups, or 10 leg lifts that can be done in bed. All throughout the day add 10 pushups, or bicep curls, keep going until you are taking walks or jogging. Concentrate on what you can do, and improve it, small victories.
Next clean your area. Again small attainable goals, change pillow cases, make your bed. Have someone come in and throughly clean your room or home, the walls, the doors, everything. Shave, get a haircut, one at a time, little victories, progress no matter how small will get you to bigger goals.
Ask yourself, is this what I want my life to be? How do I see my future, my dreams, my goals? Grieve your past life, and then embrace your future. Your a warrior, a strong man of action, fill the tub, get your feet wet, then take the bath. Action, action action, no matter how small.
When you beat this depression, and you will, you will be more resilient, stronger, more empathetic to suffering, nothing will stop you. The skills and perseverence you learn will reward you all your life.
If your depression has you holed up by yourself it won't matter much as long as your skin stays healthy. Just think of yourself as a cowboy on a cattle drive from the 1800s. I'm pretty sure they weren't too clean either. However, since you don't seem to be satisfied with what you're doing now, try to drag yourself to a vet support group. They'll let you know if your physical presentation needs an upgrade and encourage you. If you are not on an depressant yet, you probably should be. Do it for us...we need all the good guys back in the game.
Does anybody know why the desire to wash declines with age? I recall feeling a certain inertia creep in during my 50s. Now I'm into the 70s and it doesn't get easier, does it? Particularly with Mom to look after.
I'm grateful for the full shower, hair washing and all when I can get it. Meanwhile, spot cleaning works fine. Alcohol/paper towel wipe-downs are refreshing. Baby wipes as needed. Spritzing with rose water. Medicated powder at bedtime.
As long as the skin is healthy, we don't smell bad and look okay, what difference does it make how we get there? Ease up on yourself and just take each moment as it comes. God bless.
im a vet too . shaving in a steel pot can be our inside joke . then we could share the secret of field duty where a folded down pile cap means you dont have to shave at all .. he he he . i still wear the pile cap 35 yrs later . all that other OD green crap hit the dumpster when i ets'd .. ( more vet jargon ) FTA dude ..
a bathtub would never work with me . your rinsing with dirty water and you could drown trying to rinse your beard under the faucet . trust me on that one . i resist the shower sometimes too , im shot after working but when i do drag my dumb azz in there its only a 90 second process with strong dish detergent . dish detergent is the key word here . it dont mess around and the mortar dust is in the drain ..
Why do you have to take a bath? Cat baths work just fine. As long as it's getting the job done, don't beat yourself up. My mom hasn't taken "a bath" in years. It takes much more energy than she has. And yes, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE!!! I slept safe and sound last night because there are people like you who didn't. *hugs*
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I can relate to you more than you know. I suffer from severe depression that has advanced to fear/anxieties about leaving the house. So, why should I bathe? Being a female makes it that much harder and depressing. That's not to make your plight any less. I take the occasional "cat bath", but after a while a good shower is due. Finding the motivation and energy is hard. Yes, I do feel better and find I have more energy afterwards. Funny how that works. My suggestion is to get a handheld shower head and a find a way to sit down in your shower. You say your already taking cat baths, now you're just taking it one step up. If energy is an issue, break down yourself into "areas". One day do upper body and next day do lower. And, please join a vets group. Contact the wounded warrior project and/or the Veterans of America. Both groups can and will help. semper fi my friend.
youd be wasting your time .
OP, if you feel you're able to keep clean without showering or full immersion baths, then go with your instincts. And you know better than I that you don't get showers regularly when you're in country; that's a luxury that we civilians have.
However, I would try to address the depression. I don't know if you'v tried the VA and/or vet support groups, but do try to find one of the groups that connects Vets with dogs. There's a specific one that trains and places dogs with Vets but I don't have the name off hand. If there are dog parks nearby and you can get to one, do go.
There was a program (on PBS, I think) on canine therapy for Vets with PTSD. One stated that he could relate to his dog in a way he couldn't relate to people.
Maybe the VFW has something to offer in your area. You probably know better than I that Vets can have issues which they're not comfortable discussing with civilians, but they can bond better with other Vets.
The only thing that I can say is if you know you need a bath, just do it. Nothing feeds depression more than feeling grimy. Just consider it part of your antidepressant remedy.
And yes, join a Veterans' support group or see a therapist trained to deal with veterans' issues. I am not a veteran but I have bad depression and I just started seeing a psychologist. Only two sessions thus far so it is too early to say if it will help but it should.
Next clean your area. Again small attainable goals, change pillow cases, make your bed. Have someone come in and throughly clean your room or home, the walls, the doors, everything. Shave, get a haircut, one at a time, little victories, progress no matter how small will get you to bigger goals.
Ask yourself, is this what I want my life to be? How do I see my future, my dreams, my goals? Grieve your past life, and then embrace your future. Your a warrior, a strong man of action, fill the tub, get your feet wet, then take the bath. Action, action action, no matter how small.
When you beat this depression, and you will, you will be more resilient, stronger, more empathetic to suffering, nothing will stop you. The skills and perseverence you learn will reward you all your life.
Just do it.
I'm grateful for the full shower, hair washing and all when I can get it. Meanwhile, spot cleaning works fine. Alcohol/paper towel wipe-downs are refreshing. Baby wipes as needed. Spritzing with rose water. Medicated powder at bedtime.
As long as the skin is healthy, we don't smell bad and look okay, what difference does it make how we get there? Ease up on yourself and just take each moment as it comes. God bless.
FTA dude ..
Thank you for your service to our country, sir. Be well and post back. Let us know how it goes.