My mother is in a nursing home and worries the nurses crazy about medication. She wears me out and I feel bad for the nurses. Is there any way to handle this?
My mother is in a NH and worries the nurses crazy about medication. She is on scheduled and some as needed meds, and that's where the problem is...as needed, It's mostly her anxiety and sleep med that she is a fanatic about
Problem is, when she lived by herself she was self medicating and now that she is getting her meds under a controlled environment, she is HECK to deal with.
She says things like the nurses are keeping the meds for themselves, the lack of them giving her meds as she asks is probably what gave her a brain bleed in Feb. Oh yeah, it's everybodys fault but her when things don't go her way.
She won't participate in any of the activities at the NH except for the smoke brakes. Her vision is very low, and mobility is limited but not limited enough to keep her from seeing and walking back and forth to the nurses station for them to check her diabetes, give me a nerve pill, etc.
I try to talk with her about concentrating on other things but everything I come up with she has an excuse. Basically, she has been a type "A" personaility and it is driving her bunkers perhaps hence the brain bleed.
Anybody can help with this. She wears me out and I feel bad for the nurses, she's a lot!
6 Answers
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My other thought is if your conversations with her about this are not being productive maybe you can change the subject, not answer her at all, or come up with something that works for you..
Don't worry about the NH staff, they get paid to listen to it... or not, hope things get better for YOU and you get to relax some and believe she is being taken care of hugs to you
It really doesn't bother the staff like it bothers you. And she knows it.
The "nurses are keeping the drugs....etc" are all part of the paranoia that comes with dementia. You have got to learn to ignore it and move to another topic, it is not going to get better for her although things may stabilize or she may just tire of the nurse routine and move to something else that someone is "doing" to her.
My mom's role in her family was the martyr and it's not going to change. When she starts to fixate on whatever false belief, I tell her that we are not going to have another conversation about XYZ and then talk about gardening, if she does it again then it gets repeated and I add that if she does it again I will leave. If she does it for the 3rd time, I go. For me, it works and keeps my sanity.
Good luck.
Actually I have began to say ok, we are not going there about xyz and change the subject, when she comes back to it or goes on another tantrum I say well I guess it's time for me to go, we've run out nice things to talk about. The best thing I could have done for myself was to remove the phone from her room immediately after she returned from the hospital to the NH after her brain bleed. I'll tell whatever story I have too...too expensive, use her words well it was becoming too much of a problem for you to see the numbers or to hear. It's been my sanity saver not to have the phone ringing all times of the day or night for NOTHING but complaints and paranoia.
Thanks for replying with support.
Like you there was the calls all the time but also she started calling the police about being robbed, "people wanting to take her identity", etc. They came out twice and did a report each time. Then I got a call from PD community relations regarding it because they were going to put a flag on her number OR she was going to be billed (like the fire dept does for repeat error alarm calls).
One thing about all this is that unlike raising children, which is all about learn, grow and is very rewarding, the elderly regress and diminish often with repressed fears and bitterness finally coming out.
They have an Excelon patch on her for dementia, she loves it, she thinks it's a pain med patch...says it works wonders, no more shoulder, back, leg, foot etc pain whoo-hoo! She goes from one ouwee to another.
For a short while after the brain bleed, they had her on so many meds it was frightening! I felt so helpless seeing her in such a confused and demented state. Then we found out she had a urinary trac infection...that's a whole different world for the elderly. She's so much better now but still fixates on medication. Can't see too well but by golly, she knows what time she's supposed to get what...and will try for somnething in between if she can, she lived by Goody powders all of my 50 + yrs.
I'm learning to change the channels and then sometimes to just cut it out...give a big hug and kiss, leave with a parting smile and nice word. See you the next time, love ya!!!