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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I am caring for my 90 year old Mother in my home. She is on Hospice and has been here for 2 weeks. It has been extremely difficult, even with all of the dedication & love I have in my heart. It seems that she is harder on me than my husband, the hospice care people or anyone else that comes around. I have learned to simply nod my head and smile at her during her tirades and simply excuse myself. My wonderful social worker who is a Hospice representative explained to me that I have become the "Mother to the Mother" and she reverts to being 2 years old with me & acts out with me as would a child. I know it is hurtful, but do try to understand the dynamics of a elderly Mama, who is now under the care of her own "baby". It is a tough gig, but hang in there. You simply have to be the adult in this case. It is very hard for us. We want our Mama back like she was. When we accept that isn't going to happen, we can live with it easier.
I agree with all the ideas so far and I want to add something. (1) Compassion, (2) not doing more than you can do, (3) problem-solving for stuff like pain and insecurity, (4) anti-depressants, and (5) knowing it's not about you are all spot-on, hugely important, hugely powerful contributions to improving the situation. But there's still a relationship going on here, and unless your mom is totally demented she does have some control over -- and responsibility for -- her share of it. You get to say stuff like, "hey, please don't speak to me in that tone of voice" and "you've been so crabby today it's hard to stay here and help you." And you get to do things like walk out of the room when you're being yelled at for no good reason. Someone said, they get to be like children. Well, ok, -- and just like children, elderly can notice how much you put up with and be influenced by that. Children deserve and react well to compassionate problem-solving too but we don't just enable bratty behavior in them either.
Talk to her doctor about an anti-depressant. My 85 year old mother is super grumpy and low dose celexa does her a world of good. She is much nicer and easier to be around and the mood swings are far less frequent. She has benefited from it and so have her caregivers. I am not usually a proponent of anything from big pharma but in this case it works wonders.
Sorry not 27/7 - 24/7 - that would be even harder. But take care of yourself and Hospice can help a lot. They will even stay over night and give you a night to sleep in peace. They do that every 3 mos. I think. There is so much they do to help you. Give them a call. No I don't not have any special connections with them,
rvanantwerp, 90 years on this earth, that is a long time. Yes she could be in pain and just not feel well. They become like children and show their moods. Get Hospice to come in and to give you time for yourself. They are great and I never knew I would say that. You still have complete control in the caring of your loved one. They do what you want. It sounds like you need time out. It is a hard job taking care of them 27/7. I know I have been there. My husband was in a NH for one month and that was a big mistake. They don't have enough help to keep an eye on them. He fell and boke his hip, causing him more problems and for me too. He is back home and Hospices comes in and gives him a bath three days a week. They are here for two hours. You can leave or do what ever you want during that time. Check it out with them and there is more they can do for you.
Once you have given your mom everything that you can, food, drink, company, conversation, and tried everything, just retreat, and let her be. Sometimes we can't change others mood. I give you a big pat on the back for making every effort. Now, go do something to soothe your soul, a bubble bath, a book, a funny movie, a walk with a friend or spouse...and relax...your mom will still need you tomorrow...and you will be there..best wishes..
Ditto what horselver said. We don't know what is going on in their minds. Does she have a type of faith? One thing we are doing now is reading the Children's Bible to my Mother. Always reassure her that she is safe, you love her, remind her of special things she did for you as a child, and you are happy now to be able to care for her. Saying that YOURSELF, will even make YOU feel better, which is key in having this go as well as possible. It's hard, sometimes seems like you're in a locked room, but it can flow like a river if you are at peace with doing the best you can. Big, Big HUGS:)
Your mother could be mean and grumpy because she is scared of the future. She is afraid of what is happening to her and that creates alot of stress for her and you. Her stress comes out as anger and who better to be angry at than the person she loves the most, You. My mother does the same thing to me and I didnt understand until someone explained to me that she was afraid. When I looked at it like that I had alot more compassion for her and her situation. Try it and dont take anything she says however mean personally. She dosent mean to direct it to you.
It's poosible she is in pain, or that she has dementia. I am wondering if you are doing more than you can. There are agencies that can provide some help. You can check with your local human services agency to see if someone can give you some time off. Then, you may be able to handle her crabby moods better. Caregiving can wear us out. Good luck, Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck,
Carol