MIL has given away valuables. Is this normal?
In recent weeks her two other children have come to visit her for a few hours each. These are the children who rarely call and their visits are even rarer. They have done nothing at all to aid in her care for the last 9 years.
My husbands mother made out a short 'will' a few years back saying that my hubby gets her 'worldly possessions' after she is gone. Problem is - all the family heirlooms are now gone. We didn't even notice until recently.
She didn't have much since her parents lost most of their possessions to fire and floods. But there were a few items like her sisters Blue Willow dinnerware, some 'ruby' glasses and some antique dishes and 3 gold pocket watches belonging to my husbands grandfather and uncles. Also about $20 face value in Silver Dollars dating from 1800's to about 1920.
All of these things are now gone. She has given us nothing in the way of dishes or family mementos.
One of her granddaughters (who has never - and i do mean NEVER - called, written or visited her before) came along and for this token visit she received the set of Blue Willow dinnerware. I just sat there stunned while they packed it all up and left.
We are hurt by this - not so much for the value - because other than the gold pockets watches that probably were valuable - it was mostly sentimental value. But now it's all gone. Her china closet is basically empty.
It may not even have been her children who got the rest. She gets visitors from church, etc. Maybe she gave things to them? I know she did this a couple years ago when some friends stopped in.
IS THIS NORMAL? Of course, it matters very little now. But we are wondering if my hubby should mention this to his mother or DOCUMENT that the things are gone and that SHE disposed of them and not us?
This just seems par for the course I guess.
Does she have anything left that you or your husband would like as a keepsake? I suggest you ask for it, and then put it away out of sight.
This all happened during the last year. When I clean for her I don't go through her things. I didn't even notice anything was different - I concentrate on the floors, bathroom, shower and kitchen sink and laundry and clean feverishly while she is at the doctor's office with my hubby - so I am always working as fast as possible :0)
We just find it hard to believe that these people would think they deserve ANYTHING at all. About six years ago she sold her farm and her youngest convinced her to sign over a full power of attorney and the proceeds were then divided between the ''other two siblings'' - they told my hubby that the money his mother spent converting our garage into her apartment was his inheritance :0( Had we known that we might have opted to spend it differently. So, our inheritance paid for MIL's apt where she has lived for 9 years.
So, this is just par for the course. Good thing we are decent people. But we fully expect never to hear form the sibs after she is gone. We never hear from them now. :0)
I don't blame you for finding this hurtful. It's such a poke in the eye! But I suppose your MIL likes to hand out largesse, and is glad that her treasures are going to "good homes" (hem-hem - personally I'd keep an eye on eBay to see what turns up there, might prove interesting…), and in the end they're her things to give away.
None of that need prevent you from heartily despising the vultures. People!
"About six years ago she sold her farm and her youngest convinced her to sign over a full power of attorney and the proceeds were then divided between the ''other two siblings'' - they told my hubby that the money his mother spent converting our garage into her apartment was his inheritance…"
Just a minute. Do you mean that your husband's brothers have already taken their inheritance from their mother's capital? Her capital remains her capital until she dies, unless she has freely given them the money. The money she spent on converting your home for her to live in was spent directly for her benefit: that is an entirely different matter, and completely within bounds. What exactly has gone on here?
An attorney did say that what the Sib. did was possibly a class I felony but the statue of limitations has run out and we don't care enough about the money to stir up THAT kind of trouble in the family. THEY have to live with what they did and continue to do. So do we. We can sleep. But, yes, it is a poke in the eye.
We intend to document where it all went and have her sign, date and notarize it. Ya gotta love the FAM, right?
Told Hubs that if our kids don't want any of what's left of Grandma'sr things that they will be donated.
I am a firm believer in 'what goes around, comes around' and we will leave it at that. I do feel that we have a Creator who will be our judge. That is sufficient. He will repay. Thanks for all your responses.
She was a fabulous cook! Made wonderful breads and rolls and pies. Made creme filled cupcakes that would make your eyes roll back into your head!
She was a great seamstress. Even made little shirts and suits for her boys.
She was a much better housekeeper than I am. :0)
She gardened and canned hundreds of quarts of veggies and shared them with family. She was a much different person when younger than now. Guess that will happen to us all. She is just a miserable negative person now. Nothing like she used to be 50 years ago when I first joined the family.
Sadly. I pray that I don't become hateful, resentful and miserable IF I live to be 90.
Thank you for allowing me to share some nicer memories of my MIL. How easy to forgot those when struggling with the present.