Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Why did your mom sell her house if she didn't have another arrangement lined up? How advanced is her dementia if she was able to sell her house? I'm not sure I understand your question. Maybe if you gave a little more information it would help people to understand what's going on with your mom.
You have my sympathy for the loss of the mother you've known all your life. And to make it worse, she needs help and perhaps will resist getting it. She needs to be examined by her doctor, better yet a geriatric specialist, to determine the cause of this new behavior. Possibly some medication could tone down the nastiness. So sorry. If it's dementia, it doesn't get any easier from now on. God bless.
My mother can be quite nasty too. The doctor doesn't think she has dementia. She is in a lot of pain from compression back fractures. She has always been self centered. I think she that her world has become so small that she thinks that its fine to be a bully to get her way.
Yesterday she demanded that I come to the nursing home immediately because the aides refused to put her in the bed. Turns out that of the 3 aides on duty, 2 were men and the female was on break. She refuses to let the males help her. She said she was too old "to put up with that" and demanded that I do something about it. I said there was nothing I could do. I think she expected the female aide to come off her break and help her. She expected me to raise heck with the director because "there weren't any aides available". The men didn't count. I said I was going home as it was a beautiful day and I wanted to go for a walk. This made her even madder she said she was "sick of me being on a diet and it wasn't her fault I was fat' and "why should she be punished for it". My jaw dropped, as repeatedly in this site we're told to take care of ourselves. My way to do that is to walk every day, diet or not.
I'm just venting too, because I'm not sure what to do about it either. Angry though my Mom can be she wouldn't have sold her house and expected to move in with me.
Yes, I think you hit on a reality, Keepontryin....that is the fact that many of our elders are feeling poorly, and in pain of some sort or another. Their lives have become unmanageable to themselves, and now they're reliant on others to help them. They feel lousy, both physically and emotionally, and are just plain MAD about it. And who do they take it out on? Often it's the ones they're closest to. They do it because they have no control anymore, and that's about the only way they can have a sense of power. Your Mom was angry when you said you were going to take a walk on a beautiful day, and she probably was so jealous and resentful of her miserable life...wishing she could take a walk on a beautiful day, but didn't have that ability anymore. So she lashed out at you, just because you were there, and easy to lash out at. I feel sorry for these angry people, and can empathize with them. The trouble is, it doesn't make it any easier to be on the other end of the bitterness. It's kind of a vicious circle. The meaner and angrier they are, the less people want to be kind to them, or help them. People are more inclined to keep their distance, or be mean right back. Sad...but true. Maybe, as GiGi suggested, there's a medication that can help with this. Otherwise, just protect yourself as much as you can, by letting it go in one ear and out the other, and try very hard not to take it personally. Just know that they are lashing out, but deep inside they just hate themselves, and their plight, and it's nothing to do with you.
Get her to a psychiatrist fast! She could be in a psychotic state so get a 72 hr. hold on her at a psychiatric facility to have her evaluated. She is clearly thinking irrationally.
Steve - your profile says you are taking care of your mom, living at home, with A/D. Your question indicates she is mean, nasty and rude, doesn't listen and has sold her home and has nowhere to go. This posted 1.16.14 approx.
The same day, Eyerish posted, suggesting a need for more information. 3 days later, 1.19, you have received some answers but you have not responded to the request for detail. For example, how was your mom diagnosed with dementia? Where is the doctor involved? If she sold her home & has nowhere to go yet lives "at home", where is she now? At her home with sale pending, escrow not closed? Or at your home and where is the money? Or was she under water with a reverse mortgage or something like that?
Your posting is like a science experiment that doesn't provide answers, just more questions. Because we're flying blind, everyones answers here so far, including mine, are just stabbing in the dark so to speak.
Typically, if you were to describe your moms behavior to a doctor who is experienced in dementia, your mom would probably already be on some form of medication. Some folk subject to medication for dementia patients. If you cannot find a nutritionally oriented doctor (and, granted, they are hard to find), or have done enough nutritional research yourself to where you are confident enough to try some products it may be helpful, prescription medication is all that is left to you in cases such as your mom's.
Doctors should always be considering what they call the Risk/Benefit ratio. When talking to my patients, I explain this as follows: Make sure you have more to gain than you do to lose. With dementia, unfortunately, it is either a temporary level or progressively downhill slide. Dementia patients certainly may have physical pain but they also suffer mental anguish that they cannot articulate. In every single case of dementia within my personal care taking experience, medication has eventually become absolutely necessary.
The type of drugs that help, and whether they do or not, take some time and some trial and error. But there are also some faster acting medications that can be used in the interim, to get them over the hump and quell their emotional distress.
So, again I mention, where is your mom's doctor in all of this? Are you your mom's Health POA so that you can have a conversation with her doctor? Even if you aren't, you are not prevented from dropping off a letter or emailing the doctor about your moms condition and destructive behavior. Notifying the doctor draws him or her into the circumstances, generally requiring some form of action, even if that action is to release the patient to another doctor. It does make the doctor more responsible and somewhat culpable if something were to go wrong with your mom and they had enacted at all.
You can get in touch with you are county's Adult Protective Services to find out what your options are in their particular jurisdiction. Every County across every state in the nation has a different way of protecting seniors. More of them are becoming proficient in the problems of dementia, as the difficulties are growing on a nearly daily basis, especially with the baby boomers entering the fray.
While all of us here would probably like to know the outcome of your dilemma, you are only at the beginning of your struggle with this. If you want better guidance from many here who have already walked your path, please post with more specifics regarding your mom's situation.
I can relate to all, however, every situation is different. My mother lives with me and I know there are changes in her behavior, Bad at times but I feel people know. As I read the comments I think I understand her even more... She was a widow @ 42, and was very active volunteering with children, all over county, hell she still wants to volunteer but no one will take her because of her age, she is 86 this year. She wont addmit it but her health is failing. she hates being 86 with a passion and I think this is were her anger comes from that she will take it out on anyone if shes in the mood... I just hope and pray she can find some peace & happiness now
My Mom is 82.5 and is just plain angry and mean and rude at times. I have had her live with us for almost two years now and she can be funny and nice at times, no doubt, but lately just angry at the world and expects everything out of me. I feel like I'm slowly suffocating at times. I continue to be nice but it is making me sick inside.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yesterday she demanded that I come to the nursing home immediately because the aides refused to put her in the bed. Turns out that of the 3 aides on duty, 2 were men and the female was on break. She refuses to let the males help her. She said she was too old "to put up with that" and demanded that I do something about it. I said there was nothing I could do. I think she expected the female aide to come off her break and help her. She expected me to raise heck with the director because "there weren't any aides available". The men didn't count. I said I was going home as it was a beautiful day and I wanted to go for a walk. This made her even madder she said she was "sick of me being on a diet and it wasn't her fault I was fat' and "why should she be punished for it". My jaw dropped, as repeatedly in this site we're told to take care of ourselves. My way to do that is to walk every day, diet or not.
I'm just venting too, because I'm not sure what to do about it either. Angry though my Mom can be she wouldn't have sold her house and expected to move in with me.
The same day, Eyerish posted, suggesting a need for more information. 3 days later, 1.19, you have received some answers but you have not responded to the request for detail. For example, how was your mom diagnosed with dementia? Where is the doctor involved? If she sold her home & has nowhere to go yet lives "at home", where is she now? At her home with sale pending, escrow not closed? Or at your home and where is the money? Or was she under water with a reverse mortgage or something like that?
Your posting is like a science experiment that doesn't provide answers, just more questions. Because we're flying blind, everyones answers here so far, including mine, are just stabbing in the dark so to speak.
Typically, if you were to describe your moms behavior to a doctor who is experienced in dementia, your mom would probably already be on some form of medication. Some folk subject to medication for dementia patients. If you cannot find a nutritionally oriented doctor (and, granted, they are hard to find), or have done enough nutritional research yourself to where you are confident enough to try some products it may be helpful, prescription medication is all that is left to you in cases such as your mom's.
Doctors should always be considering what they call the Risk/Benefit ratio. When talking to my patients, I explain this as follows: Make sure you have more to gain than you do to lose. With dementia, unfortunately, it is either a temporary level or progressively downhill slide. Dementia patients certainly may have physical pain but they also suffer mental anguish that they cannot articulate. In every single case of dementia within my personal care taking experience, medication has eventually become absolutely necessary.
The type of drugs that help, and whether they do or not, take some time and some trial and error. But there are also some faster acting medications that can be used in the interim, to get them over the hump and quell their emotional distress.
So, again I mention, where is your mom's doctor in all of this? Are you your mom's Health POA so that you can have a conversation with her doctor? Even if you aren't, you are not prevented from dropping off a letter or emailing the doctor about your moms condition and destructive behavior. Notifying the doctor draws him or her into the circumstances, generally requiring some form of action, even if that action is to release the patient to another doctor. It does make the doctor more responsible and somewhat culpable if something were to go wrong with your mom and they had enacted at all.
You can get in touch with you are county's Adult Protective Services to find out what your options are in their particular jurisdiction. Every County across every state in the nation has a different way of protecting seniors. More of them are becoming proficient in the problems of dementia, as the difficulties are growing on a nearly daily basis, especially with the baby boomers entering the fray.
While all of us here would probably like to know the outcome of your dilemma, you are only at the beginning of your struggle with this. If you want better guidance from many here who have already walked your path, please post with more specifics regarding your mom's situation.