Have you dealt with trying to move a parent in with you but knowing that his/her 3 cats are not going to work in your house? Am I being unfair? I have 2 dogs, Mom's 3 cats tend to urinate in the house and I do NOT want that in my house!! Can you think of a compromise?
My ex and my mother decided she would move in with us. It lead to divorce. I left them there and never looked back. What kind of emotional climate would it be to live with a man who felt so disrespected. If the mother can't give up her cats, then other arrangements need to be made.
I vote for finding some other arrangements for the cats. I am against having your mother live with you anyway. You lose all your privacy.
I hope that helps. I know its not easy but like you said - its a compromise.
I think if heatherking's husband does not want cats, that there is no way that bringing in 3 cats that urinate out of the litter box for whatever reason is going to be a good idea. Also, poster does not want the cats.
I would not do it. ever. I'd work hard to rehome the cats, but if mom had to be in my house, she would have to come without the cats. I still say she and DH are compromising by letting mom move in. That's a huge give.
If these things do not work, reach out to local cat rescues for help to try to place the cats in homes. Do not expect instant turn-around, but many people are more sympathetic to your situation (mother needing to move in with you) than you might think. There are some rescues in urban areas that place a lot of cats and they might be able to help. They can also try things like isolating the cats in cages with litter boxes close and see if they still pee outside the box--it is sort of a re-training.
With regard to getting rid of the odor. If it has soaked into the carpet padding, my experience is it will have to be ripped up and disposed of. The hard surface underneath (or any hard surface) may be salvageable using Nature's Miracle Cat Urine deodorizer. It is available at most pet stores and on Amazon, and is really quite good.
I had one cat (female) long ago who would raise her butt up while she was going. If the butt end was facing the lower side/entrance, it would sprinkle outside the box. The solution for that is larger boxes. Urinating around but outside the box, or some other place, some detective work might be needed. Medical issue(s), of which there are many, personality issues, etc can be figured and or ruled out. It would be best to at least make the attempt to rule out the cause(s) before making any moves.
The line regarding not taking them into your home still stands. This is what mom must come to terms with. Even if the cause of urinating can be found/treated, just the move alone could bring on more/other issues (this applies to AL as well.)
If mom has her own home or even a multi-room apartment and moves to AL (maybe single room, maybe a little more spacious) or a single room in your home (most likely even if you capitulated and let them come along, they would be restricted to her room), this could lead to some undesired consequences. The move itself can upset their routine/security, and if their "space" is reduced, this could also lead to unwanted behavior(s.)
Is staying in her own home with hired care-givers an option? If she lives too far from your home for you to fill in some of the care-giving, could she sell her place/move closer, but still remain in her own place with her kitties and some hired outside help?
1. Mother, you can keep all of your cats.
2. Mother, you are not moving in with hubby and me.
3. Mother, you are going to use some of your money to pay for in-home services and transportation using Uber/Lyft/Taxicabs/Horse-and-buggy.
4. Mother, I will help you manage your personal affairs and finances.
5. Mother, I will visit you and your cats as often as I can, but I am not going to become your 24/7 caregiver.
6. Mother, we will revisit this arrangement in 6 months time.
7. Mother, the assisted living that accepts pets is still on the table.
Cats that pee outside their litter box have issues. Often they don't like the conditions in which they are being kept. I adore my cats and would never give them up. My husband was allergic and he took allergy shots! He's not allergic anymore!!
I have a neighbor that has a cat that craps on her bathroom rug. It will come in after being outside for hours and do this. I don't think that is a medical problem, I think it is an attitude problem.
It is hard to change animals toilet habits. It can be done with a lot of attention and work, but I don't see how 3 could be dealt with.
Separating them might give them a chance.
Do a search on his website:
https://drfoxvet.net/category/pet-care/
Cat litter box issues - (here is an article I saved might help you)
Dear Dr. Fox: When it comes to litter boxes, I don’t understand the “rule” of one per cat, plus an extra. I have two litter boxes for my two cats, but both use the same one — even if it’s already been used. In my previous apartment, there was no room for more than one box, and even in the house where I had two boxes on each floor, they both used the same one most of the time. I use newspaper instead of purchasing litter; I started with shredded and now use whole sheets that they enjoy shredding themselves. It’s very absorbent and cuts the foul stool odor after a short while.
— I.I., Hendersonville, North Carolina
Dear I.I.: I do not know from which cat expert you received this advice about cat litter boxes, but my experts are my own cats. They will share a litter box amicably and without any complications — such as pooping outside the box — provided the box is cleaned out three to four times a day.
I feel for those poor cats whose boxes are not kept clean so they must poke around in their own waste to dig a pit to evacuate and then to cover. Just as bad is having to enter a covered box that has not been kept clean, filled with the fumes of acrid urine and feces. This does contribute to cats developing cystitis from holding their urine; to urinating elsewhere in the home, which is a death sentence for many cats; and to constipation and aversion of using the litter box.
For details, see my article “Cat Litter Box” on this complex but essential aspect of caring for cats posted on my website, DrFoxVet.net.
Get the cats checked out by a vet. There is the possibility that the cats have medical issues causing the urination issues. Further, in their current situation they may be stressed, and the urination issue could be ameliorated with diet and medication.
A vet can certainly give you guidance on how to make the move for these creatures less upsetting for all concerned-including your dogs.
While I understand and empathize with your issue, please consider that the cats are important to your mom, and deserve to be covered under the umbrella of your care and compassion for her.
As an aside, a friend of mine took his mother's semi-feral, much-loved cat when she had to go into a locked memory care facility. Initially it was a hassle, and upsetting to his other two cats, but water finds it own level and things eventually settled down. It gives him comfort to know he stepped up and did the right thing by his mom in caring for the little creature who she loved so dearly.
I wish you well.
You'll have no regrets later on.Please.
Little dogs do the same thing at times. At the end of my mini schnauzer’s life she had incontinence issues. Their bladders are so small.
I am an animal lover but every single apartment I rented when young I got my damage deposit returned because I left the place in good shape.
I don’t think I would want to rent out property these days to people with a bazillion animals, hoarding, etc.
My aunt and uncle died and my parents rented their home out and it was a nightmare! Some people don’t respect other people’s property.
If the mother moved in with her daughter then the mom needs to compromise and rehome her kitties. Sad, yes but life is sad sometimes for all of us. Have to do what is fair. I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want the cats.
I felt terrible for the animals, none of which were house trained, most were not spayed or neutered. He wanted to bring them to my home.
(I think that when you are moving into someone else's home because you need help, you lose rights. You don't get to keep things the same. If same was so okay you wouldn't be moving.)
Never gonna happen, I don't live with any creature, 4 legged or 2 legged that uses the floor in my home as a toilet. It is my home and my choice. He asked for help, I was helping him, not all of his animals. I told him that he could bring his little chihuahua that would have died without him.
I wore myself out dealing with that dog, everytime she moved I had to follow her to make sure she wasn't ruining my carpet. I took her out every hour to go potty. All of this after he promised to take care of her. I guess going outside never hit his radar until I spanked her for peeing on a rug. I still had to take care of her but I didn't have to listen to his bs about that dog.
She learned how to ask me to go out and she thrived in my care, honestly I only dealt with her because she was so sweet. But the other dogs were skittish and hiked their legs and ran from everyone, including him. They would have been relegated to the backyard and ended up as owl or eagle food. Calling the animal control was the kindest thing to do.
My husband would never allow cats in our home. I would never ask him to comprise in his own home. I love him enough to honor his rights above all others in our home. It is enough that he was willing to let my dad come, knowing that he is difficult at best.
Your husband comes 1st, not your mom.
Also, are you sure your husband is on board with your mom moving in? I get not wanting cats peeing all over the house. But asking someone to give up their pets is pretty intense. It does not sound like someone who is accepting the other person with open arms and an open heart. I'm not saying it judgmentally -- elder care is really, really hard. Harder than kids, harder than pets. Not everyone has the temperament for it and it can bring out all the little fissures and fractures that are already in a person. Maybe this is his signal that he's not ready.
I recommend Robert Kane's "The Good Caregiver." Early on in the book there's a little self-assessment test that gives a sense of what caregiving might mean. It doesn't sound like your mom is in bad shape right now, but the assessment has a really good, short description of what kinds of issues might arise down the road and what you and your husband might want to discuss before you make the decision to move your mom in.
If the cats can become outside cats, you might look into a small residential facility with a yard where they could live in a cat house with the understanding that they cannot come in the house at any time.
My area has no kill shelters. Any daughter volunteered in one and it was nice. One of the days had diabetes and the shelter treated it.
You should think about how your mom would feel without her cats. Some people seriously cannot survive without their pets.
In no way am I suggesting you "try" to take the cats in, or trying to "fib" to mom (no mention of dementia, so this isn't likely to work anyway!) I am suggesting ways to perhaps cure or curb the behavior before moving forward. If mom's current residence is her own home, you might be able to try some of the suggestions listed here.
If cats are urinating outside the litter box, there are many reasons why this happens.
*Not neutered and/or not neutered early enough
*Urinary tract issues (infection, crystals, stones, etc.)
*Other medical issues
*Purrsonality conflicts
*Anxiety
*Access to litter boxes
*Cleanliness of the litter boxes
*Distaste of the litter
*Changes in routine/situations in the home
The first step before moving mom (and/or the cats), is to have the cats properly vetted and tested.
The cats should be checked for urinary issues, especially males AND especially if they eat dry food. Other medical issues could also possibly contribute to the problem. Have them vetted and rule everything out.
If no medical issues are found, can you separate the cats, i.e. they get their own room/litter boxes in mom's home?
If the peeing stops, it is likely a behavioral/personality issue and should be noted when finding a home/shelter (preferably no-kill) for them. IF it does stop, try putting 2 together - if peeing resumes, try putting 2 others together. It might be that none of them really get along, or it might just be one who is the "problem child." I had to isolate one cat at a time to figure out who was peeing in my home. Once I determined who it was, it meant giving that cat and her brother (who was the one I knew was "sprinkling" my monitor, TV AND the Feliway dispensers!) their own room. She and another would actually get into some heated battles before the move! The pee/spray stopped.
I have had experience with these purrsonality issues and separating those who don't get along "cured" the urinating/spraying issues. Currently I have 3 zones, to keep the peace (and pee) under control! It meant using wooden screen doors with pet-proof screening in doorways, to allow light and airflow, but it works!
It could also be litter issues, such as not cleaning the boxes often enough, not having enough boxes or access to them, or even the litter itself.
It could be other behavioral issues, which would be difficult to determine, and should not be your issue. If possible, eliminate the medical/urinary issues, personality issues and litter issues, then document it all before seeking a new home/shelter and provide that information to the new place(s).
It means extra effort on your part to try to determine why the cats have this issue, but it would be better than trying to take them in yourself (not really an option), putting them down or relegating them to a single room in an AL (This actually might make matters worse! Although the AL says having 3 is okay, are they aware of the peeing problems? We have had to pay for extra carpet/chair cleaning for mom's accidents, multiple times, and she has no pets!!!!) As noted, cat urine odor is notoriously hard to eliminate, so this could become a HUGE problem if she moves to AL with the cats and the issue(s) are not resolved first!!
If she refuses to let them all be re-homed/put in a shelter, try to determine the issue and if it resolves for any of the cats, she will have to choose between them - keep the one or two who might get along and stop peeing if the other(s) are removed.
I will also note that while Nature's Miracle sometimes "seems" to work, I found that on "soft" items, which would include rugs/carpets, it is a temporary "fix." Initially the odor seems to be gone, but after it sits a while, the smell does come back. :-( It does seem to work better on hard surfaces, but if it isn't dealt with soon enough and the pee saturates the sub-flooring, it will be difficult/expensive to correct the problem!
If you take them to a local animal shelter, they will still probably be killed but unless they are killed immediately, they will spend their last days suffering. Shelters are like death camps. Unless they are fancy purebred adult cats, there is just not much demand for older cats.
You shouldn't necessarily feel guilty because you are taking in your mom, which is already going to be quite a change for you, but I do feel sorry for your mom. To have her beloved cats taken away, when she is already losing her home & independence, will be just heartbreaking for her and will probably destroy much of her will to live.
The cats can be moved and may not necessarily urinate in a new house, if provided with clean & convenient litter boxes but it already sounds like you just don't want the cats. I won't go into ideas for moving them while making the transition as easy as possible.