Like: don't close toilet door, don't pull toilet, throw food at my dog..She is still mobile, but get up at about 11 or 12 in the mornings and sit in front of the tv...and only get up to go the toilet...doesn't want to get her own water exc.
How can I get her to do things for herself again. I even have to brush her false teeth for her otherwise she will be without it all day long. I have to put her pajamas on at night and dress her in mornings...if I don't do that she will keep the same clothes on for days...I have to wash her everyday as well. Do I blame that on dementia or is she just lazy. It feels like I can't handle it anymore and I don't want to be rude to her. Please help...
I'm not sure you can get your Mom to do things for herself again. This is all just part of dementia. She may also be depressed. You didn't mention whether she is taking any meds. If she is you might check with her doctor and let him know what problems you're experiencing. Sometimes a change in meds will help. Also, if she's depressed (and you can't blame her!) she might be able to be prescribed something for that which could cause a shift in the way she's acting. Or not. You just never know.
As others have said, what meds is she on? If you haven't had a full gerontology work up done on her, then schedule that. If there is a medical school within driving distance for you all, I'd get that done there. Then gear up for the appointment by keeping some sort of journal on what she does and what time of the day. Having her evaluated by those who know how to do it can make a HUGE difference in everybody's quality of life. They can pretty well evaluate her as to the type of dementia she has - they can be quite different. My mom has Lewy Body Dementia and knowing that she had LBD, we could make adjustments to the floor for her shuffling walk that LBD does and in lighting as her visual hallucinations could be minimized. Then ask to connect with the social service part of the practice to see where she might be able to move to in case that is really what is needed. My mom's NH has as it's medical directors, MD's who are with the medical schools gerontology program. They know how to do her chart so that she can meet the medical necessity of NH if that is the case. When we first went to the geronologist like 8 years ago, they took her off the many many med's she was on as some were working against each other as they came from different MD's (internist, a GP, ENT guy, etc). It took like 3 months to wean her off them. The overall difference in her attitude was startling - she was still Nancy Negative but her anxiety and lethargy went away. A good gerontologist makes a big difference I've found. Try to make time for yourself, it's hard to do that but you really have to - garden, go for a walk, go to the movie and don't even look at your phone.
Good luck and try to keep a sense of humor.
Get some help, it's money we'll spent and if you have control of her finances, you should be able to get some daily help. Consider also reaching out to your church for seniors who come out and will help other more informed seniors.
Set boundaries and try to engage in easier but stimulating and physical activities to wear her out....walks outside, picnic on the deck, a short drive and take out.
Also, educate yourself with dementia reading. This will only get worse and it's okay to grieve and be angry about this awful disease, our loved ones dependency on is and our desire to make everything hunky dory...that we have to let go and we have to give ourselves permission to take care of US otherwise we are no good and can offer no quality time with our loved ones.
Hugs. Go have a cup of tea outside and be just by yourself quietly. You deserve it.