My mother just passed away 2.5 weeks ago after a 6 year battle with cancer. My parents have been married for 64 years. My dad is understandably distraught but in addition he seems so confused and can’t remember things more than normal. He continues to ask if my mom died and then relives that moment all over. Prior to her passing he would forget some things but nothing like this. Is this normal? Dad is 85 years old, has diabetes and AFib. He had a stroke 2 years ago and that is when his memory began to decline but it did recover a good bit. It’s as though my dad has stress induced dementia.
Looking for for some guidance if anyone can help.
MBcarp:
Based on failing to remember that your mother died, It sounds as if your Dad may have experienced a stress induced mini-stroke. The mini-stroke may have caused some minor brain damage.
Get him evaluated to ensure the clot has resolved, as he may need a clot busting drug or a thrombectomy, if it has not.
Here is some information and a link:
"According to research that appeared in Stroke, an American Heart Association journal, middle-aged and older individuals with high levels of stress, depression, and hostility were subject to a significantly higher risk of stroke or TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack, more commonly known as a mini stroke).Feb 9, 2017
Stress and Strokes: What You Need to Know | Saebo "
https://www.saebo.com/stress-strokes-need-know/
Based on failing to remember that your mother died, It sounds as if your Dad may have experienced a stress induced mini-stroke. The mini-stroke may have caused some minor brain damage.
Get him evaluated to ensure the clot has resolved, as he may need a clot busting drug or a thrombectomy, if it has not.
Here is some information and a link:
"According to research that appeared in Stroke, an American Heart Association journal, middle-aged and older individuals with high levels of stress, depression, and hostility were subject to a significantly higher risk of stroke or TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack, more commonly known as a mini stroke).Feb 9, 2017
Stress and Strokes: What You Need to Know | Saebo "
https://www.saebo.com/stress-strokes-need-know/
Based on failing to remember that you mother died, It sounds as if your Dad may have experienced a stress induced mini-stroke. The mini-stroke may have caused some minor brain damage.
Get him evaluated to ensure the clot has resolved, as he may need a clot busting drug or a thrombectomy, if it has not.
Here is some information and a link:
"According to research that appeared in Stroke, an American Heart Association journal, middle-aged and older individuals with high levels of stress, depression, and hostility were subject to a significantly higher risk of stroke or TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack, more commonly known as a mini stroke).Feb 9, 2017
Stress and Strokes: What You Need to Know | Saebo "
https://www.saebo.com/stress-strokes-need-know/
My Mom always took care of the finances when she and Dad were married and for the 24 yrs she has been married to my step-father.
I just had to place both in an assisted living facility, but 1 night just before my husband/I had to place them in this facility, my step-father found a bill. He sat talking to himself saying I don't know what to do.
I asked him what he was so worried about. He said she, pointing toward Mom, always takes care of this. I don't know what to do.
I took the bill from him and told him not to worry, I'd take care of it. He was so happy he started crying.
Mon is still alive, but both suffer from Alzheimer's, but it's still somewhat the same.
Your Father is lost and if he has been diagnosed with dementia, his mind is spiraling so he doesn't know what to do.
Tane him to his doctor,explain what is happening as it may be depression too.
And the suggestion to reminisce and make future plans is just so nice, as well as useful. I can't get my husband to care about making plans, (he is bed bound and incurable) but I'm going to start trying to switch tracks on him when he gets going on all our unhappy memories, instead of, as I've been doing for years, just sitting and listening and being sympathetic...and getting emotionally sucked into the bitter funk. Hopefully, this will be more effective than repeatedly reminding him that this routine is bad for him and bad for me, and struggling to extricate myself from both the conversation and the room as soon as I can -- which makes me feel guilty and sad.
Thanks for your compassionate post!
When my Dad passed at 91 years, after a 67year marriage, Mom was very understandably confused and distraught. They both suffered dementia, though somewhat differently. She was a full month or 2 getting back to anything close to normal!! Give it some time and, hard as it is in your own grief, be as compassionate as possible. All that your Dad sees is his own Loss! those broken brains again!
I'd discuss this with his doctor, but at the same time keep in mind that you must all still be terribly upset so soon after your mother's passing and so be open to giving him a little time to adjust. As your father settles he may regain some clarity, but then again how can it hurt to take medical advice?
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the distress you're all undergoing.
Short term memory loss alone doesn't impact daily living in major ways as long as there is a routine and someone around to provide/enforce the normal structure. My mother's short term memory is shot, and that means recent memory has major holes (long term memories are written from short term memory) but she follows all her normal routines for dressing, breakfast, taking medications, brushing teeth, applying moisturizers, reading newspaper, cleaning the kitchen, etc. very well. She could shop for groceries without problems until the store was rearranged, then she began struggling because items were no longer where she expected them to be. Mom doesn't have dementia, but finding things had "changed" that she had no memory of is upsetting. She still wants to be clean, take her medicine and daily walks, etc. She takes her medicine from a medicine box well (she can check the box to see if she has already taken it), but may not remember to eat lunch unless I actually fix something for her to eat and place a plate under a dome keeper. She is still capable of fixing that plate from leftovers in the fridge. If I leave a plate in the keeper, she reheats in the microwave and eats lunch consistently.
My father's vascular dementia (from multiple TIAs and a couple of small strokes) impacted memory, balance, and impaired his abilities to execute even long standing daily routines. He doesn't bath, change clothes, eat meals (although he snacks) without prompting and sometimes help too - perhaps the type of prompting your mother had been providing.
It's also possible that without your mother to monitor his food intake, his blood sugar is varying enough to impact his thinking too. The effect would be increased for someone with even mild dementia.
Very soon we starting fibbing and diverting. Mom’s in rehab...Fell and in hospital.....He was used to these events and would accept it and stay calm.
He now thinks a lady in his memory care unit is mom. Staff rolls with it. Sits them together at meals. Whatever works...
This happened with my sister-in-law's parents. It wasn't until SIL's Dad went into the nursing home that the children realized just how severe their Mom's Dementia was. SIL's Mom had to go to a Memory Care Unit at the same nursing home that her husband was in.
My Mom has relived my Dad's heart attack that occurred in their townhouse at supper time in 2007 and she cries and gets upset every time. (They had to "scoop Dad up" and do CPR on the way to ER and in ER Dept. I was the one that told the doctor to stop all treatment and Dad died 30 minutes later.)
In 2017, my Mom's younger brother (age 84) died in March and her older sister (age 91) died in April. We were not able to go to either funeral. The funeral for Mom's sister was scheduled the same day that we were out of state for Mom's grandson's wedding. It took 5 hours to drive home the day after the wedding. 30 minutes after we got home Mom said that she needed to go to ER Dept. b/c "her back hurt". She was admitted to the hospital 1 week after her sister died and within 48 hours Mom went from being able to take care of herself--do own ADLs, walk, talk, etc. and changed to-- NOT being able or not wanting to eat, talk, walk, do own ADLs, and she was incontinent. Mom was transferred to the nursing home for Rehab Therapy but she fought the therapists (after her Total Knee Replacement in 2013 Mom LOVED the therapists and loved doing the Rehab Therapy). The Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner diagnosed Mom as having Mild Dementia (which I think worsened after both of Mom's siblings died leaving her the only surviving sibling)and Major Depression with Delusions. {Also, several of Mom's friends died in 2016 and 2017 which resulted in 2 social groups that Mom was involved in to dissolve as there were only 2-3 members left.}
So, yes, I think that it is quite possible that the stress of losing his "life partner" has affected your Dad and made his Dementia worse or appear worse. He might get better as time goes by or he might get worse...it just depends. Let your Dad grieve the loss of his wife and soul mate and maybe his memory will get better as he grieves.
but im sure the stress of losing wife probably makes it worse.