My 91 year old mother, who has early to moderate dementia and lives in AL, is incontinent. She leaks a lot. She goes into the bathroom at least twice a day for 30 minutes because she is washing out her underwear and changing clothes. She absolutely REFUSES to wear a pullup or even a sanitary pad. We've tried explaining she smells and it's unhealthy. Sometimes she denies she leaks but when we call her on that, she just gets quiet. She's always been someone who worries about what others will think and so you'd think she wouldn't want to smell. But that isn't the case. She refuses to acknowledge she has this issue. The AL staff has suggested we take all her underwear away and replace it with pullups. We know she will pull a nutty if we do this so we've resisted. Suggestions? Thanks!
men never had to wear protection growing up. So it’s difficult for them. He was stubborn. He checked himself out of AL. 2 times.
Praying for you🌟
Good luck.
Like a two year old, she'll get over it and get use to them. Loving discipline
Cant take a chance on getting an infection
Now, help me with my husband who wears pull ups, but wets in corners, in the kitchen, in the trash can, in the garage, etc,
My mom insisted on using just incontinent pads because they're so much cheaper than the disposables, and they never quite did the job - she always leaked, which resulted in having to launder every single day. She also has bowel incontinence, which was even worse - she would just tell me, "Oh, just wash them out in the sink, it'll come out." I gave that a resounding Oh Hell No, and took away all of her cloth panties and started buying disposables.
I got grief about it for about a week, and then she finally accepted the expense. Now, my mother doesn't have dementia, and I'm sure her ability to think it out helped her to come to grips with it. It may be different in your case, but if the AL staff has made this suggestion, I'd run with it, and "blame" them for it if you don't want the Wrath of Mom to be directed at your head. (As a courtesy, tell the staff that you plan to do that beforehand. If they're decent folks, I should think they wouldn't mind.)
I am just mentioning this because there is a long list of oils that dogs cannot be exposed to. I do not know if you have any pets in your home.
he never asked for regular undies again.
he is now in AL with mild to moderate dementia, but he’s totally ok with the disposable undies, and he definitely needed them. (He has C-diff still... after being treated once. ) it’s going on two months with Vancomycin. The throw away undies were a MUST!
* Also, at night, get a pad insert for the disposal underwear to absorb more. The pads are for leakage, they are NOT sanitary napkins. They are POISE or something in pink wrapping.
* ALWAYS ALWAYS have the large 'bed pads' to put on a chair and cut or get something to fit car seat if you drive with anyone with incontinence in your car.
I use on the bed, in this order:
1. Mattress protector (can be costly although saves the mattress).
2. paper disposable sheets (2) next to each other.
2a. Sheets (bottom fitted);
3. Washable pads - come in various sizes. Two smaller ones are better than one very large one - easier to wash. Have extras for when some are getting washed.
4. Paper pads on top of those.
5. Top sheet if you use two sheets.
The key is to avoid washing as much as possible and saving the mattress.
The washable bed protectors are a gift from God.
5. Be sure to put protector on a chair or anywhere s/he may sit during the days.
* Have plenty of disposal gloves on hand.
* A waste paper basket or can with a top is good or, for my client, she manages fine with a large garbage bag and remembers to close it. I have to empty it when I arrive - this works out okay. Depends on the level of cognitive functioning/ability.
* Always keep a can or two of Lysol or something like that to kill germs.
* Is helpful to have a flowery air scent too - depending on the situation at hand.
* Between forgetting and embarrassment and denial, we do what we can. Tough love is essential. (Set boundaries.)
* I hired a caregiver (or wanted to). He met with my friend (86) of 16 years for 15 seconds and said "can I talk with you outside?" He said he couldn't take the job due to the stench of urine. At times, I have to leave my friend too due to the smell. He is embarrassed, gets over it, says it has more to do with depression than incontinence. Its both. He is in denial.
* If you allow her to wear her real underwear over the disposal ones, she might not do that on her own - it a good idea though if she can wear it as needed. My sense is that she'll toss the disposal and just wear the real ones. Gena.
Replace all with “pull-ups”.
Be prepared for well-intentioned folks
to bring gifts of mini-pads in warehouse
size packaging. (Take them as well).
I also learned about the Plan B bag.....
ALWAYS carry an extra set of clothes, shirt, pants, bra, wipes, socks, shoes,
a large sealable trash bag to handle soiled stuff, Depends, antibacterial wipes for you and a diaper rash cream to prevent rashes....when it starts to happen often you will be grateful for each and every item you have in your GO BAG.
Need More? Add that layer of protection to your car seat.
"Pulling a nutty" is a fact of life with declining seniors and it is incredibly hard to take. I know implementing it is hard, but what worked for me and my mother, who went through the phase you are describing, was to take the regular underwear away as it comes up for washing.
I take care of my Mom so it was easy, and the garbage can got real full real fast. She had no choice. You may have to enlist staff at the AL facility to help. It has been almost a year, and panties still occasionally appear. Not sure where they come from as I have emptied the drawers, but. . .
As others have said there are a wide variety of incontinence options. In Mom's case, she likes the Depends. They leak at night, but are OK during the day. I have bed pads and just rinse with vinegar and then wash them and whatever else she has soiled.
Good luck, and be sure YOUR doctor knows the stress you are under.