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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Yes! My mother has Parkinson's with Lewy bodies which causes dementia. We never know what she will be thinking when we show up. One day, before she was not able to stand any longer, she was pushing her wheel chair trying to get out of her room. I asked her where she was headed and she said she was "running from the mob". My husband naturally chuckled thinking she was kidding. Well....that really set her off. She was deadly serious. That was the first time we knew she had some serious issues and needed to talk with the doctors.
Now, she is in a different facility because she became more combative and we had to have her meds adjusted. This facility was the only one that was able to take her at the time...not my choice...but what we could do for the time being. Now we show up...some days she's almost normal....other days, she tells me the staff is all on strike. I try to assure her they are not. (my father was steel union all his life). One day we showed up and found her so depressed. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she was so unhappy that my husband and I were splitting up that she just couldn't handle it. I asked her who told her that....we were doing no such thing!!! She was telling me EVERYONE was talking about it. We had to sit and talk with her about it for over 1/2 hr and finally convinced her. So she finally decided that if "anyone says that again" she would tell them "NO WAY IN HELL".
You will never know what they will come up with. They are paranoid that someone is stealing their things when they have put them away. They are paranoid that they are broke when all we need to do is put more $ in their account at the center so she can use it to get her hair done, etc. She tells us she enjoys her talks with Dad....he's been gone for 18 years....it's an ongoing mental game to stay sane yourself as well as assure them!
Old fears can come back to haunt. New fears can pop up out of seemingly nowhere.
Paranoia is painful for all concerned. That was the number one worst part of my husband's dementia for me. I'm glad his didn't last the duration of the disease!
I think paranoia is also very difficult to treat. I hope you are working with a doctor knowledgeable about her type of dementia and willing to try medications to help her be more comfortable. It may take some experimentation, and there may ultimately not be a drug cure for that symptom -- but in my opinion it is very worth trying.
Don't argue with Mom about her fears. You can't convince her that they don't exist, but you can work on convincing her that you can keep her safe.
I suppose it depends on how much this disturbs the patient. I would certainly discuss it with her doctor and see if meds for anxiety might help.
My cousin is normally content, but occasionally she will say that things are going on. She can't tell me what, but that...you know....things. She can't tell me what, and I honestly don't think she knows, but I pretend that I do and tell her that I made a phone call and took care of the matter and that all is well. She's so relieved, hugs me, thanks me and then she's fine. Of course, I do chat with staff, ask if anything has been going on and make sure there isn't a real issue, but so far, it's nothing.
Paranoia is very common with dementia; I have noticed it most with my clients with Alzheimer's. But also in our oldest clients. It seems that the paranoia is based on a perceived or imagined loss--one that is not reality based. Three examples. one woman felt that her daughter-in-law (DIL) parents are supplanting her place in her grandchildren's life. This fear has escalated since the DIL parents purchased a house in the neighborhood. She also imagines that her son is not giving her sufficient money, even though he gives her $400/week and unrestricted use of a credit card. My Significant Other (SO) often believes that I have an ulterior motive when I offer him advice. Right now, he thinks that I am spending too much money on our new house, even though he not made a budget for this new house or in general, now that our mortgage payment is much less. He often feels that I am trying to control when I make a sound suggestion. Very frustrating. My limited advice: 1. identify the specific examples of her paranoia. Make a list and write them out. 2. Avoid topics that cause her paranoia to appear. 3. Try distraction as a technique to redirect her attention. Don't feed the paranoia by agreeing with her or asking questions about it. Good luck as this is very frustrating. With my SO, I often feel that I am going out-of-mind.
Safety and security are the most basic needs of all humans. Constant verbal reinforcement will definitely moderate the fears and concerns of your loved one. My mantra goes like this: "I stay with you and you stay with me. I go with you and you go with me. I help you and you help me. I keep you safe and you keep me safe. I love you and you love me." Easily understood and clearly communicated. Learn the negative triggers, such as TV with a siren in the background. It seems to the loved one that the TV commotion is reality that is happening to them right now. Most caregivers eventually learn the many major distressing triggers, I.e. TV, mirrors, radios, any and all loud noises, stairs, curbs, escalator, going from a light concrete pavement to a dark asphalt pavement (looks like a void or drop off to the 3D vision impaired person living with dementia).
My 80 year old mother has moderate dementia. She is physically very healthy but the dementia has brought out her worst personality flaws and she becomes very verbally assaultive and hateful, especially toward me. This is very hard because I am an "only child" but thankfully I have a wonderful husband and two great sons. My mother has not prepared for the aging process (legally) so we are in the process of obtaining legal advice for a conservatorship. We have her in a good facility at the moment but have no "legal" say in her care or financial matters.. On her good days, she is wonderful but her bad days she can be brutal. My advice is to "hang in there and remember the person she once was!"
Paranoia is common in elders. It can be controlled with a low dose anti-anxiety med. Get her to a psychiatrist. Do not mistake that for a psychologist.
my mother walked around all night checking to see if the doors were locked!! there was nothing we could do...i didn't want to put her on meds at the time, didn't want her to get strung out on sleeping aids...that's a whole lot of suffering if they get addicted, although i do believe in antidepressants! not long after she couldn't stand on her own...that was the end of that chapter! good luck!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Now, she is in a different facility because she became more combative and we had to have her meds adjusted. This facility was the only one that was able to take her at the time...not my choice...but what we could do for the time being. Now we show up...some days she's almost normal....other days, she tells me the staff is all on strike. I try to assure her they are not. (my father was steel union all his life). One day we showed up and found her so depressed. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that she was so unhappy that my husband and I were splitting up that she just couldn't handle it. I asked her who told her that....we were doing no such thing!!! She was telling me EVERYONE was talking about it. We had to sit and talk with her about it for over 1/2 hr and finally convinced her. So she finally decided that if "anyone says that again" she would tell them "NO WAY IN HELL".
You will never know what they will come up with. They are paranoid that someone is stealing their things when they have put them away. They are paranoid that they are broke when all we need to do is put more $ in their account at the center so she can use it to get her hair done, etc. She tells us she enjoys her talks with Dad....he's been gone for 18 years....it's an ongoing mental game to stay sane yourself as well as assure them!
Paranoia is painful for all concerned. That was the number one worst part of my husband's dementia for me. I'm glad his didn't last the duration of the disease!
I think paranoia is also very difficult to treat. I hope you are working with a doctor knowledgeable about her type of dementia and willing to try medications to help her be more comfortable. It may take some experimentation, and there may ultimately not be a drug cure for that symptom -- but in my opinion it is very worth trying.
Don't argue with Mom about her fears. You can't convince her that they don't exist, but you can work on convincing her that you can keep her safe.
My cousin is normally content, but occasionally she will say that things are going on. She can't tell me what, but that...you know....things. She can't tell me what, and I honestly don't think she knows, but I pretend that I do and tell her that I made a phone call and took care of the matter and that all is well. She's so relieved, hugs me, thanks me and then she's fine. Of course, I do chat with staff, ask if anything has been going on and make sure there isn't a real issue, but so far, it's nothing.
It seems that the paranoia is based on a perceived or imagined loss--one that is not reality based. Three examples. one woman felt that her daughter-in-law (DIL) parents are supplanting her place in her grandchildren's life. This fear has escalated since the DIL parents purchased a house in the neighborhood.
She also imagines that her son is not giving her sufficient money, even though he gives her $400/week and unrestricted use of a credit card.
My Significant Other (SO) often believes that I have an ulterior motive when I offer him advice. Right now, he thinks that I am spending too much money on our new house, even though he not made a budget for this new house or in general, now that our mortgage payment is much less. He often feels that I am trying to control when I make a sound suggestion. Very frustrating.
My limited advice: 1. identify the specific examples of her paranoia. Make a list and write them out. 2. Avoid topics that cause her paranoia to appear. 3. Try distraction as a technique to redirect her attention. Don't feed the paranoia by agreeing with her or asking questions about it. Good luck as this is very frustrating. With my SO, I often feel that I am going out-of-mind.