Follow
Share

My MIL is in assisted living with memory care in Georgia and on Medicare/self pay. She has vascular dementia that has progressed to perhaps the end stage as she is no longer interested in eating. She has not started hospice. Her sister in GA has been taking care of visiting and looking after her but she is advancing in age now too. She would like to move her sister(my MIL) back to NC where her son and I live and have her transferred to an assisted living facility here with hospice. What is the best way for us to do this?

Find Care & Housing
Sounds like you shouldn't Move her at this advanced stage . Will take some foot work to find the Proper Facility . Can be done
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KNance72
Report

She will need medical transport between the two places. The memory care she’s in can likely connect you with a service for this. Expect it to be expensive, but the only safe way to do it
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

If your MIL is no longer eating it means that the dying process has already started, and that she should MOST DEFINITELY already be on hospice.
I think it would be very cruel and inhumane to put your MIL through the trauma of being transferred for many hours when she is now actively dying.
She should instead be able to die in peace without having such a disturbance in her life.
So perhaps it's best that you and your family get to GA sooner than later so you can say your goodbyes before it's too late.
And please call and get hospice on board today as you really don't want your MIL to needlessly suffer, as the dying process can be very painful as all the organs start to shut down.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report
Lovesgirl Aug 15, 2024
We have been told by the facility MIL is in that it can take quite a bit of time for the not eating to cause her death. One day she will eat breakfast, but will not eat lunch or dinner. The next day she may not eat breakfast may only eat lunch. It’s very sporadic. She sleeps a lot. They said it is certainly not a matter of days and possibly not even within a matter of weeks. We just went to visit her and visit as often as we can. it’s amazing anytime I post something on this form, people respond, seemingly with attitudes that we want to avoid our loved one, put them away somewhere, and take all their money. Not that I got that from your message. I’m just saying people reach out here for help because we do care. We are 4 1/2 hours away from my husband‘s mother. We go to visit and she is good for an hour at most. But we go anyway. We have even driven straight there and driven straight home before. And every few months, we ask her if she would rather be in a facility up here and she decides to stay there. I think her sister is just concerned being the POA that when the time comes to make these decisions that she may not be physically or emotionally capable of handling it. And she knows it would be difficult for us to handle being four hours away.
(0)
Report
Lovesgirl, it is best NOT to move someone who has end stage or near end stage dementia. Your Mom-in-law would be so terribly confused and maybe even terrified, if moved, by all the new faces, new room, new sounds and smells, etc. And missing her sister who was part of her routine in Georgia.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

In reality, the facility is looking after your MIL, not her sister. If her sister doesn't want to visit anymore, then she shouldn't. It's not up to her to decide whether MIL should be moved or not, it's up to the POA.

Her son should get out to see his mom immediately and get her on hospice, assuming he's POA. Then he can decide whether or not to have her medically transported to another memory care AL in your state. A hospice nurse would have a better idea of how much time MIL has left to live based on a variety of criteria. I agree its not a good idea to take the poor woman out of her home environment at this stage of the game.

Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Lovesgirl Aug 15, 2024
To clarify: The sister does have the POA. In the event she cannot continue to serve as the POA, then my husband becomes the new POA. That is according to the instructions of the MIL’s paperwork. The sister is about the same age around 82 or 83 years old. So her health is starting to get bad as well. If L passes away in Georgia, then we will have to have a funeral home in Georgia transfer her to a funeral home in Charlotte North Carolina and of course there would be expenses incurred there. The sister thought it would be easier, at some point, to transfer MIL from the assisted living facility in Georgia to Hospice in North Carolina. We all want to visit with mother-in-law. The sister visit her at least once a week. We visit whenever we can as we are 4+ hours away.
(0)
Report
Her sister can officially and legally resign POA, and then your husband becomes POA. Usually the paperwork is worded something like. "If Aminapinarita Doe predeceases me, no longer is able or wishes to resign POA, I appoint my son, Tulemantop Roe, to all the duties of blah blah blah in her stead."

If she is in end stage dementia, she may not now or soon will be unable to know who is there.

I agree with others that it's not a good idea to remove someone in your MIL's condition from her familiar surroundings. Her sister has waited too long to do that. I was caregiver for both my dying parents who had dementia. I would have never put them through a move like that. Seems - well, just cruel. They don't know what's happening to them. They're scared. Better to let them slip away without an additional struggle to deal with.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter