I moved my husband to a memory care March 25th..staff and nurses said he was adjusting well, polite and easy to deal with. Last week i got a call telling me i needed to come to calm my husband down , he is being aggressive..went to the facility and he was in his room still agitated . I was able to calm him down..gave him shower(which i did at least once a week since he moved-facility failing to shower him so i did it myself)..he had breakfast and i was able to put him to bed to take a nap- was told he was not sleeping well at night. I asked the nurse what caused the aggression and she said ' i have no idea' a few days later i got another call asking me to come over to calm him down he is being aggressive again..i went to the facility calmed him down but i was pissed at the facility not being able to handle or not thinking outside of the box and figure out what's wrong. It was a weekend so I decided to just take my husband home with me. I noticed he was not walking straight and I felt like he is in pain so I took him to the urgent care- turned out he has UTI- I took care of my husband 3 yrs by myself before moving him to the facility because I had to go back to work in the office and he never once had UTI- them not giving him showers may have caused the UTI... I don't feel like he is being taken care of at the facility... His hands are full of bruises... I told the facility I'm not taking him back there and I will have his stuff out of there this coming weekend. The head of nursing called me asking for a meeting- they said we will talk about a care plan..the more I got pissed- it's been almost a month since I moved my husband there and just now telling me they are making a care plan? I told them this is neglect on their part and if I did not decide to take my husband home with me he probably would be dying of sepsis by now... I threatened them with negative reviews- they are asking me to meet up today. Please tell me what to do in this situation.
In your situation, the calls you received were a real red flag, followed up immediately by the need you found for showering him yourself.
My LO refused showers when she entered, and before I could question them, they’d developed enough of a trust relationship with her that she showered on a regular schedule until COVID became part of the lifestyle.
Were you given a clear picture of the actual behaviors that were considered “aggressive”? I get kind of distressed when I read about “saying mean things” or “swearing” as being reportable faults in memory care. Physical aggression and verbal aggression are two different things, especially when dementia is present.
If your husband hasn’t been seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist or social worker it may be a good idea to arrange for this as soon as you can. If a specialist can identify anxiety or depression as a source of potential aggressiveness, a mild medication can work well.
Don’t lose your temper in your meeting, but don’t feel any need to backdown, and DO get the information you need to find better surroundings for your husband.
He’s lucky to have you in his corner.
I might consider getting your lawyer (I'm hoping you have an elder care attorney) to participate in this care plan meeting by phone so that s/he can demend a refund for whatever you've paid them.
"Older adults are more vulnerable to UTIs, because as we age, we tend to have weaker muscles in our bladder and pelvic floor that can cause urine retention or incontinence. Whenever the urine stays in the urinary tract, there’s a potential for bacteria, such as Escherichia coli, or E. coli, to multiply and cause an infection to spread."
Source: https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/better-me/the-risk-of-utis-as-you-age
My MIL was getting one every month once she went into LTC, in spite of drinking tons of water and cranberry juice and having her adult diaper changed frequently. Once she was clear of infection I provided the nurses with D-mannose, a supplement that has some clinical proof of reducing the number of infections. Indeed, it has worked like a charm. You may want to consider this for your husband. You can purchase it on Amazon.com.
Also, I agree that the facility has their heads up their colons if they can't figure out to consider the presence of a UTI once his behavior suddenly changed. Not rocket science since it's an extremely common issue in facilities. No excuse how they blew this except incompetence.
I sure wish you the very best.
You should be paid for bathing.