Memory care and sharing a room with another resident. Has anyone had to move their LO into this situation?

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Memory care and sharing a room with another resident. Has anyone had to move their LO into this situation?

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Looks like I am gonna have to move my Aunt from her private room in assisted living to memory care.
There is the possibility that my Aunt will have to be in a shared room with a complete stranger.
Wondering if anyone has had the same situation and if so, how did your LO handle it??

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Yes, sort of. My MIL is in LTC on Medicaid. She has pretty severe short-term memory loss and refuses to get out of bed and that's why she's in LTC and not MC. Her roommates are usually sicker than she so they tend to pass. She's had one who was in end-stage dementia (or ALZ) and was basically non-verbal and immobile. She had another who had a stroke but wheeled herself around in a wheelchair and was gone from her from the room all day, every day. Then, the facility moved my MIL and she got another roommate but then covid came and we never met this one. My MIL got covid and was in a makeshift covid wing of the facility for almost a month. She just got cleared to go back to her room. Today in MN they passed legislature to allow people to visit their LOs in facilities as long as it is outside and they social distance, so we are very eager to go see her. Not sure what's going to happen in MN in the 6 colder months...no personal visits? Really?

My MIL was never overjoyed with her roommates. But this is the woman who refuses to get out of bed and has a bad memory, so not sure her opinion is accurate. If your LO tells you any stories of bad behaviors you will need to follow-up on them as best as possible. The stories may or may not be true.

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Thanks Geaton!
And I just realized I left the care off of memory care! Lol

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Yes we did. My fil (93) had cancer and lost use of legs and tumors growing too fast for any type of treatment. He was placed by hospital in nursing home as mil was not able to care for him. He had roommate that watched tv 24/7 as he was blind so left tv on all time. What a mess that was cause fil only turned tv on for a few hours a day. Good luck but sometimes you don’t have choice of roommates

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When we were looking for MC for our mother (she was living alone in her condo previously), one place showed us a shared space, basically 2 BRs with a shared bathroom. I KNEW my mother would hate that arrangement! Not only that, but the "room with a view" looked out onto the parking lot and a busy 2 lane each way local highway! The cost for this was MORE than the place I was considering.

I had found 3 places in the town next to mine that offered MC (her condo was about 1.5 hours away and the places local to her were even more expensive!) One was what they call continuing care, I think. Some of the places she had visited on her own (free meal and tour, probably only went for the free meal!)were these kind of places, where you have to pony up some serious money, which isn't used for their "rent". I didn't even go check that one out - too much money! Of the other 2 local to me, one didn't impress me (2nd floor with elevator - how do they get people with dementia, many with mobility issues, out safely in the event of an emergency? The "living" area wasn't impressive either. The place with the shared room (they likely had private rooms, maybe, but would be even more $) was found by YB after I already researched and located those close to me. I knew it would be me doing most of the managing and visiting, delivering supplies, etc, so going to a more expensive place that was about 40-45 minute drive, but around the corner for him was a no-brainer!

I really don't think my mother would have accepted a roomie. She got upset when we went to her room and found another resident lying on her bed. She's into year 4 now. IF/when we ever have to go NH, she will likely have to share a room, but 1) she would be much worse off than now and perhaps not even know and 2) private would be SO expensive in a NH. She has funding (current is non-profit, and only recently has the monthly cost risen above that original quote for the shared room!), so until/unless they feel she needs specialized care at a NH, she's fairly content in her place.

Every person is different, so you would have to assess your Aunt based on what you know. Even though she has dementia, you could try asking her how she feels about sharing her space with another. If she is really adamant about not sharing, I would try to find a place that offers a private room, if she can afford it. Unless they are bed-bound, during the day they would not be cooped up in the room together. Then again, being bed-bound it might be nice to have a roomie who is still capable of communicating, having someone you can chat with, however silly those chats might be! If she seems ambivalent, perhaps you could try the shared room initially and if she doesn't react well to it, find another place? It is tough to move those who need MC as it confuses them and can cause some deterioration, but I would be on the lookout for a place with private rooms and "feel" her out to see how she reacts.

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Yes, my mom shared a room with a couple roommates (one at a time). My mom was hard of hearing, so she had to have her tv louder, but this wasn’t a problem to either. It potentially could’ve been though.

One problem was that one of the residents would yell about random stuff that didn’t really make sense and could be unsettling to my mom. She ended up getting used to it and ignoring it.

For privacy, we strategically placed a dresser with her tv and photos of all of her family to where it doubled as a room divider. This really helped mom (and us) feel like she had her own space.

I usually washed all of mom’s clothes myself, but markered her name onto all her labels in case they beat me to it.

Ultimately I liked mom having a roommate because they’d alert the staff if the other had an issue. Also they didn’t feel so isolated and alone.

God bless.

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We moved my MIL in with a roommate. MIL was able to meet her roommate prior to moving in and smiled. The memory care facility was like a match making service. Called it like a dorm room. We were lucky. Neither of them ever liked watching TV in their room and neither owned a TV. That is what the family room is for.

after a while all 26 of the memory care residents are no longer strangers. They are friends and family members.

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My mother never realized there was another person in her room. With Alzheimers, it seems things like that diminishes, at least I found that to be true.

My mom was always in the main room, where the TV and all the memory residents mingled. The aides controlled the programs, which were usually videos they put in that were fun. It seemed that most enjoyed being around others, even if they didn't say anything. No one had their own tv.

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Yes. Mom’s first MC roommate did not work out very well. The roommate almost always had her TV on very loudly. Mom gets easily overwhelmed by too much noise, and so would leave the main room during certain activity sessions. She could not go to her room to rest due to the loud TV. So we worked with the staff such that when a bed became available with a quieter roommate they moved mom there. She had about a week of confusion/upset over another move, but then settled in nicely and was much happier. In MC the staff seem to be much more attentive and skilled at re-directing. This helps with any transitions. Wishing you peace and strength on this journey.

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I struggled with the same worry five months ago. My mother had always been very independent and feisty. She was grieving the loss of her husband of 57 years while experiencing the beginning stages of memory loss. I was sure that sharing a room would not go well. Yet, we could not afford a private room anymore, and she moved in with S. Wow was I surprised at the difference it made to my mother’s mental health and attitude. She stopped crying, wringing her hands and calling me every day to tell me she wanted to give up and die. She started laughing, joining activities, crocheting and socializing when the others. I was the best thing for her. I hope it works out well for your loved one too.

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That's so good to hear!
My Uncle passed in October. They were married 63 years!
Thanks!!

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Sharing a room may create issues when the two people are so totally different. One hard of hearing and loud TV. One watches TV all night, the other doesn't. One a yacker all day and the other quiet. Perhaps you could ask facility who the potential 2nd bed people might be and get to know them. Maybe aunt could spend time around them and then you could ask how she likes so-and-so or watch their interactions between them. You might luck out with a good fit.

For the cost of shared room assisted living, is there anyone who would allow aunt to move in their house for that fee? A house has more areas to be alone or be part of the family and there may be someone who could use the money in a way that benefits them and the aunt. Be sure to get an elder attorney to set up the contract for pay for you so you don't create a mess later on if she runs out of money and needs a Medicaid bed.

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Moved my mom from Assisted Living private room to MenorybCare private room. She asked multiple times if she could live with someone. At first I thought she meant outside facility. Finally I figured out she wanted roommate. I say this to you, so you go into the situation with hope.

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Imho, the dynamic of a shared room may not work out as every individual is different. My own late mother never understood the differences in people when she was in a facility, e.g. in her case a few times, a shared hospital room. One time in particular I had to tell her to stop talking in such a fashion as the person was from a different culture. I told her several times that the nurse yelled at me! Another individual in the shared room did not utter one word and my mother was a VERY social person.

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My dad is 93 and I'm afraid we're there. He is in skilled nursing right now, having been sent there from AL due to agitation and being cooped up in his room too long. He will not be returning to AL but only to memory care. We are on the hunt and all I can find with what we need for him (facility that has rehab and long term care) are semi-private rooms. I guess we're gonna go with that but I feel sorry for anyone who has to room with him :-(

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I was worried sick that my dad would hate having a roommate. Praise God that he had a couple of lovely fellows that became fast friends and it worked out wonderfully.

Ask the facility how they determine roommates and what they do if it is not a good fit. I think most of them try for good fits, it makes their lives easier.

Best of luck with the move.

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Siblings and I had the same situation moving our 98-year old mother from a private room in AL to shared room in memory care. To our surprise, Mom quickly adjusted to the move and became friends with her roommate. It was very touching to hear Mom describe her as being like a mother to her.

There were many lovely residents and staff who became like a second family to Mom. I hope your Aunt will have an easy adjustment to Memory Care living.

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Mom started in memory care sharing a room. It didn't work out because she kept taking her roommates things. She didn't realize they weren't hers, and there wasn't much privacy. Her and her roommate had to share the bathroom too. I let the director know I wanted a private room with her own bathroom and was told it would be available a couple of months later. This was last summer. Little did I know we would have Covid this year, and having a private room made me feel like she was more protected than if she shared a room.

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Just an update. My Aunt has a video visit with a Dr from Kaiser Memory Care Clinic on the 7th. We need a diagnosis of dementia not just MCI this time.
After talking to several people at her ALF we decided to try the shared room. Not my first choice, but because her ALF is private pay only , she likes the people and the food and the fact that she will run out of money in aprox 5 years in a private room I have to give it a go. She still adamantly refuses to leave her son!! She doesn't remember that he's in a homeless shelter, but she remembers that she still close to where he is. Ugh!
I need all the prayers I can get for my Aunt to settle in and be content.
Thank you all for your support!!

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Memory care and sharing a room with another resident. Has anyone had to move their LO into this situation?

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