My mom (80) fell while visiting me and broke her hip. She is in skilled nursing for recovery and Im unclear how much she will get back to her former self. She has lived independently alone in her home. I cannot care for her - she needs 24/7 care. She doesn’t seem to understand how much she needs and is unable to do and doesn’t understand that she will have less support and care in my home vs facility. For example she has PT five days a week but thinks shell have more at my home when the best I can find is possibly 1 or 2 times a week. There is a shortage of PTs. I set limits and clear boundaries but shes unable to process how much she needs that I cant provide. Its not registering in her mind. More importantly Im concerned about her assessment of how she will live on her own. On her OT assessments shes scores as overconfident in her physical abilities. Am planning to talk w our case manager and social worker but curious as to How have you helped your parent see that they need more care than you can provide?
In order for your mother to receive the best care possible, you have wisely decided that she cannot live with you.
I am sure that this is quite stressful for you. Do you think that she would receive the news better if the social worker were to tell her?
Make certain that the facility knows that you cannot care for your mom when she is released.
What has her doctor told you so far? What information were you given from the facility? Did they have any recommendations for future care?
Then you may face her pleas to go back to her house because (in her mind) she's going to make a complete recovery, and all she'll need is for you to manage everything there from a distance until she's running laps around the park again. Ummm, no. That won't happen, as you've figured out. And you need to be strong and firm that you can't manage from a distance. That would be a sure path to overstressing for you. It doesn't work out well no matter how much you love her and want her to be the same as she was.
Strong and firm. That's your mantra. 24/7 care with professionals is totally better for her, so let that thought be your strength.
Good luck on this hard road.
Do tell case manager and social worker that your mom will need placement because you can not care for her and she can’t live alone either .
Perhaps the caseworker and social worker can be with you to speak to Mom and tell her that she needs 24 hour care in a facility . Sometimes they need to hear it from more than one person who isn’t their ( adult) child.
I agree with the others, have the social worker be with you and explain the plan and the reasons for it.