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My father, who I care for every other day for hours, sometimes wants me to return products he doesn't want to our local supermarket. The supermarket takes back anything, even used items. My father has plenty of money to meet his living expenses; he's just a very thrifty and an educated consumer.



Recently he told me a soap he bought had a weird smell, the manufacturer indicated a pleasant smell, so he asked me to return it. It cost about $6.00. I went to customer service and they were good about refunding but as I was leaving I heard one person say to to the other something like "Why doesn't shoe have any money?". This was kind of embarrassing to me. Should I tell my father I will no longer return his items? Or is it just my right to return things and I shouldn't care what others think? It seems now though I'm beginning to become a certain "character" in the community based on what I do for my father.

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It’s no ones business but the store as to whether they do returns.

That said, it may not be with it for YOU, literally, to be returning a $6 item. You have to get gas. Then you have to wait in line for up to an hour.
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lisatrevor Jul 2022
The store is less than 1 mile away and customer service is typically 5 minutes wait or less. I normally tie it in with other shopping, too.
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Well let's see; you said you're embarrassed for being labeled as you were by the customer service staff for returning a used bar of soap.

Yet the store is close by and there is no wait in line to return things that have no business being returned in the first place.

Tough decision.
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Lisa, this seems a decision that an adult should be able to make for him or herself entirely dependent on he or she feels about the situation.
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lisatrevor Jul 2022
I just wanted some feedback. I know it's not important but my life revolves around taking care of my father and I have no one else to speak with.
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No way I’d do it. I frequently return items I buy, but they’re unused, in original packaging, and something I’ve truly found I can’t use. I’d not be embarrassed in my community for the whims of another, but that’s me
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PeggySue2020 Jul 2022
Returning used foodstuffs or say a used bar of soap is wasteful and gross, on the other hand.
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Is there a reason you cannot take dad to the store and let him return the unwanted items? I still don't understand what is wrong with your father. Does he just stay in his house and never leave?
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lisatrevor Jul 2022
My father is overall frail and getting worse as time goes on. Simple things like opening the refrigerator door is starting to be difficult. He has been able to go to the store sometimes but sometimes not. Lately he stays inside; more and more in bed.
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I have to ask...
Is this a new or more recent "thing" with him?
Is there a reason he does not return items to the store?

You can tell him..
1) The store will no longer accept opened items. New policy, unless the item is obviously spoiled.
2) If he wants an item returned he must do the return. (if he is able)
3) Take the items he no longer wants and tell him you will take them home and use them...if they are usable. If it is a good food item you do not want but is still unopened donate it to your local food pantry. there are a lot of people now that are not in the same position as your dad and need to utilize the food pantry

You do not mention your dad in your profile only that you are caring for mom. Does dad have medical problems that make going to the store difficult?
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lisatrevor Jul 2022
He's always been like this. It's not excessive. It's that he will occasionally buy something, usually do some research beforehand, and then will return it if it doesn't meet his satisfaction. He says if the store advertises the return policy then that makes him more likely to buy; and return something if it doesn't meet his satisfaction. He spends much more on items he uses and does not return,

Right now he's not feeling well and asked me to return the soap. I smelled it. It was not pleasant, like the label would have you believe. Plus it didn't rinse off well at all, like others soaps do. Still I didn't like that comment towards me. Maybe I should have said "The soap did not do what the manufacturer promised. As a customer I have a right to return it under your publicly stated policy. You also might want to know, in my experience people who have a good financial status typically are vigilant and respect even the very smallest expenditures. This I can prove beyond a doubt.".
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Im assuming he buys these things himself as a "very thrifty and an educated consumer." If I were in your shoes I would consider doing shopping for him or accompany him, and only buy tried and true grocery items. In my opinion only, the occasional return of defective or unopened, unused items is fine if you want to be bothered with it; otherwise I would use it myself, donate or trash it and chalk it up to lesson learned. Bottom line is if it makes you uncomfortable don't do it. You are the important one here.
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Start a donations box either known or unbeknownst to him.
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No embarrassment whatsoever. I return things especially cosmetics if they smell bad.
Having plenty of money does not mean wasting it.
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I had an Aunt who was married to a cheapskate bully who had plenty of money. He on more that one occasion made her return cooked, half eaten food to the grocery store, one time being a roast. Not sure why but do crazy people really need "a good reason" to do the things they do? It seemed like a hobby or sport to them. Unfortunately, the store owner, not the manufacturer of the soap, takes the hit since they may not be able to restock a hygiene item, even if it was never used. There are many items that cannot be restocked even if never used. This is because the store can't be sure that, if it was a refrigerated or frozen item, it was kept cold while the customer had it -- even if it is returned unopened.

In the case of the soap, I don't think it was wrong to return if never opened or used it but maybe ask if it is an item that can be restocked. My local store will flat out refuse to refund money to non-restockable items. I personally don't want to unknowingly spend $6 on a bar of soap that someone had in their house or shower...ew.
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Our neighborhood grocery shore used to have regulars who would return food for exchange. They’d claim that a bag of avocados etc. was bad and get another one. The store ate these losses as they figured that maybe these people were starving as opposed to playing poor so they could get more free stuff.

This dad has his own house, aides paid for entirely by Lisa’s brother, and then Lisa to wait on him. His so called thriftiness and that of the likeminded is just charity to virtually everyone else, the price of biz to get someone not to have a fit.
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Since Dad seems to be getting weaker and weaker, you may not have to deal with returns anyway. If you do the shopping, only get what you know he likes.
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This is reminiscent of my Grandma who would routinely let food go bad in her fridge and then return it to the store. I often took her grocery shopping, and it was embarassing to have her returning a $2 ham steak that was fuzzy and green--this was before expiration dates, but you can't keep meat from turning and she would make a fuss if they wouldn't reimburse her.

At 94 yo she was still doing this and the stores were very kind. I don't remember an instance where they didn't refund her money. Probably b/c stores do have a built in 'loss margin' where things are simply going to go bad and they have to 'eat it'. as it were.

It was embarrassing for me, but I lived through it. I really tried to encourage her to store food more properly--like in the FREEZER, for example. She never got 'better'.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 2022
I would never tolerate that level of nonsense. If the food spoiled because your grandmother left it in the fridge for too long, that is not the store's fault. It was fresh and nothing wrong with it when she purchased it.
I would not be party to that nonsense nor would I help someone get to the store to engage in it.
The people working in a store have work to do. They should not have to humor demented seniors who let their food go rotten that then want their money refunded then get pissy if it isn't.
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My fav show still, the best return on Seinfeld, when Kramer returns half eaten peach and is banned from the store. What am I going to do for fruit? He asked Jerry. Go to supermarket. That's impossible! They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy. The oranges are dry. I don't know what's going on with the Papayas!
My sentiment exactly! But I never return fruit, although lately they are really bad and I hate wasting, some items, they don‘t even check expiry date and customers have every right to return it. I am not going to pay $50 or more for face cream which I recognize once I open it it smells funny. I am notorious for buying lots of clothes and returning them as they look different in stories, of course unused. Since I shop almost exclusively at one store, they know me, I don‘t feel any shame, I tell them why and it is OK.
I knew one woman returning after wearing something once or twice, I did not hesitate to tell her how that was not right.
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notgoodenough Jul 2022
But you're doing the returning yourself. Not asking someone else, for whom it is clearly uncomfortable - whatever the reason - to do the returns for you.
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Notgoodenough,
I do return for my husband as well.
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notgoodenough Jul 2022
Again, Evamar, YOU'RE doing the return. Not asking a reluctant third party to do it for you.
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I will return items if I have a good reason. But it's not more than a couple of times a year, at most.
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How does your father get these products he's always returning?
If he does his own shopping then he can do his own returns.
You could return some things within reason if they are defective. Not if they aren't. If he didn't like the scent of the soap he bought, that's not the store's fault.
I had a care client many years ago who I had to do shopping for. She would send me to return just about anything to the store. Food, household items, even toilet paper because it went 10 cents off the next day. She didn't understand that prices in the 1990's were not the same as in the 1890's. She'd expect top-shelf name brand items but wasn't willing to pay for them. So when I bought off-brand products because they were cheaper, she'd get angry.
It got to the point where I was spending more money on gas for my car running around returning things for her then I was making.
One day I just told her. I will not do any more store returns. She got less fussy about everything because she still needed someone to shop for her and everyone in the agency had quit her.
Tell your father that you're not doing returns anymore on small items like soap. Keep a notebook though of things and brands that he likes and ones that he doesn't. This will make your life a whole lot easier.
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