Living with Dr. Evil after hip replacement surgery.
It’s been only 1 week since my boyfriends hip replacement surgery. We live together and it’s been an absolute nightmare. He’s taking Oxy for the pain. I’m not sure if it’s the pain meds, but the verbal abuse is unreal. He berates me, scolds me, and gets angry if I don’t do things to his perfection. He told me he’s not “in love” with me, he doesn’t love me, and he never has. He even went as far as calling the police on me the other night claiming I was verbally assaulting him; (which the police found to be humorous). He has no one but me to take care of him. His 2 siblings live in NY. Neither of them even sent a text message to see how he was after surgery. I feel guilty saying this but I want to pack my sh*t and run. This is not the man I fell in love with.
This is unacceptable at any age, and even more so for someone as young as he is.
Abuse, verbal or otherwise, is never acceptable.
I wonder if taking Oxy is like being drunk, they tell the truth.
He MAY have a UTI if he was catheterized during the procedure (a UTI WOULD produce those personality changes but again, he's kinda young at 52). The Oxy would be covering any pain associated with a UTI so he may not realize he has one. He would need antibiotics. Maybe take him to the Urgent Care to get checked and at the same time you can privately discuss the other issues you see going on.
Isn't he in rehab for PT? Or doesn't a therapist come to his house to get him to start his exercises? If so, maybe you can discuss things with this person. You should not have to endure the treatment he is dishing out but before leaving so that your conscience is clear I'd do everything to make sure he isn't the victim of some other medical problem. He will need help, so you may need to call his siblings to at least let them know he will be by himself and it may be a good idea to text them a video of his behavior. Not sure if social services for your county will have any solutions but you could talk to a social worker and report him as a vulnerable adult and at least get him on their radar.
Finally, whose name is on the lease of the residence you share? If it's a rental and your name is on the lease, you're still legally on the hook for that every month. If you do choose to go (even temporarily), again in good conscience I would at least leave some food in the fridge since he probably can't drive and is on Oxy, and maybe inform a neighbor (that you trust) of the situation. I wish you much success in working out this situation!
It isn't fair that you're expected to wait on him and get nothing but kicks for your trouble. If you can get services of some kind to come in 2, 3, 4 times a day to support with his personal care, mobility, whatever he can't manage at least you'd be able to keep out of his way when he's in pain.
Whoever provided the surgery must also provide post-surgical care, maybe he just didn't take them up on it or wasn't paying attention? Anyway - he needs to get himself some help. Not fair to heap it all on you.
And I agree about getting medical advice pronto.
It might be the Oxy - but I will throw out are you sure he's been taking it? If he is afraid of becoming addicted, he might be under-medicating as well, and pain will make people lash out and say terrible things. After the second replacement, when my hubby first came home, he was feeling so "good" that he tried to do the pain management thing with only Tylenol, which so didn't work. He had to take the Oxy for a few weeks to get through the pain.
But I think the first step you need to take is to call his doctor and tell him/her what's been going on.
I had a hip replaced, and never became abusive while on the medication. In fact I've never heard of that, however there is always a first I guess.
Please take care of yourself, and if need be, leave. Again, you deserve so much better!!!!!
See if there is a different pain reliever he can take. At over a week post-surgery a simple over-the-counter one should be sufficient. If the pain is still severe he may have an infection in the hip which needs a doctor looking at it asap.
Before you pack up and leave your bf, consider he may be having a reaction to the pain meds or he may have an infection or some other medical crisis you're unaware of. Like Barb said, please call his doctor immediately and don't just automatically chalk this up to him being a jerk.
Good luck!
So, you’re not married, HIPPA prevents them from discussing his medical situation with you BUT you can still tell them what you feel is important for them to know.
Do you feel like they will listen to you? Would a written letter be better? Or call and ask if you can send an email regarding his situation.
I am so sorry that he is berating you. You don’t deserve that. At this point in time, you don’t know the exact cause for the change in his behavior. Did this start recently, just since the surgery?
Wishing you all the best. Keep us posted. We care.
When my mother had hip replacement surgery at age 66, she was walking next day & they advised using a cane for a while...she had no pain after surgery. In 2 days, she was discharged home because she was doing so well!
He should’ve gone to rehab..why did he go straight home? Is it your house or his? If his ...you can leave...if yours ..send HIM packing & change the locks.
You don’t deserve this...he’s not your husband. How long you been together? Do you work? Have someone else take care of him. Period. End of story. Ok I just saw from your profile it’s YOUR HOME!!! That would make him a SQUATTER. Does he pay rent? I bet not.
EVICT HIM!!!
Hugs 🤗